it’s official—
i hate being alone.
this isn’t a poem
but
it’s words
i needed to say

I don't care
I never did
I never will

I don't care about the stabs
I don't care about the lies
I don't care about the loss

I never did
I never will

I don't care about you abandoning me in the middle of nowhere or making me doubt every single person I meet or forcing me to look at the mirror and despise the foolishness I had.

I don't care about all the above.

I try to convince myself every night that I don't.
But, I do;
I fully keenly wholesomely do care and my care was my doom.

Bottle me up
Push me down
Bury me
Beneath your guts
I'll squirm
And it will hurt
But you can't.
You can't let me show.
If someone sees
You'll be outlawed
You'll be ostracized
You'll be a coward.
You'll be hated.
Now keep it a secret.

is God by your bedside
weeping against the bookcase
and the cabinets in the
kitchen, filled with long
grain rice shudder and
tremble, vibrating against
their hinges --
it's all over the floor, you say.

it's all over the floor.