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  Oct 2015 epictails
Y Rada
It is difficult to be a man,
For I am not a typical one.
It is hard for me to go on,
There’s a secret that pulls me.

I loathe when my memories strike,
They hit emotionally with might.
I struggle so much to survive,
In a world so deaf towards my cries.

I look at a He and my heart convulses,
For I recall a He who gave me kisses.
I was young, forced and naïve,
I fought but He was much stronger.

Society might tell that I’m gay,
For I let a man violated me in a way.
But I’m not a ***** and I’m sure,
I play a role for which others envy.

When I was a teen I met her,
I admired her even if she’s older.
I was then shy and very timid,
With mental and emotional scars.

I thought of her as a dear friend,
Then she turned to be my worst fiend.
One instance she forced herself on me,
And used things that hurt me so.

A girl’s tactics differ from the stronger ***,
Tears she used first and blackmail next.
She was cunning, sly and very clever,
She stole my pride and my dignity.

My fears now mixed with anger,
My determinations got bolder.
I still cry and sometimes get lonely,
Like any other victim I want to fight.

I can not shout to the whole nations,
For societies will scorn at my declamation.
Both sexes forgot that I have feelings too,
I am also made of flesh, bones and spirit.

I am not proud of what I become,
Within me clouding reasons try to calm.
My desire is to win this battle to the end,
I am capable of vulnerability like any human.

But where does my right begin?
This universe has compassion for women.
The likes of me are expected to be steel made,
Yet I have feelings too for I am just a man.
Dedicated to all abused males by other men and to the men abused by females. A simple shout out to the world that I care…that I have heard your cries… and that you are still loved.
epictails Oct 2015
When artists suffer, they do not become more creative. They become at their very core, human. Suffering is a painfully human experience we like to disregard as the sole bane of our existence. When we try to avoid it instead of empathizing the cause of our pains, we become less human. We are running away from ourselves. A great artist must essentially be stripped of all that prevents him from his vulnerability, his weaknesses and his humanity. Embrace all that he is. That, I think, is ever the only way to create good art. Because art that defeats time is art that happened and most importantly art that fought to live in each one of us.
Pretty corny but my epiphanies have nowhere to go. This is how I see the tortured artist myth which some people are painfully glamorizing nowadays.
epictails Oct 2015
They say live
live alone
straitlaced as an
arrow meant
for that
one gruelling
dot

Live for the
ambition
of the skies
and never the
gravity of
the ground.

I say
fall and rise
fire and air
swept in
torrents
up there
swinging
for burn or tide
downs.

I say create
and destroy
live still
and die all ways
change
and change
until time stops
its
crackle
and bustle

Every waking
day
Is both
a funeral and
a birth right

I say create
as we all
write our stories
amidst the
downpour of
life
and the ruins
in our heads.
epictails Oct 2015
People are so eager to change me
into someone they cannot be.
The burden is not mine to begin with
epictails Oct 2015
How am I supposed to understand
the demons that trail your shadow
when I can't even quiet mine?
I've done it again. Depression is an art, like everything else. It occurs to me quite exceptionally.

Truly exhausted of asking myself. I have this fear of not really going anywhere with this on my shoulders. I have stopped writing because it no longer breathes into me. On occassions it does. But not like before that it raises me up from my well of hell despite my lows. I was scared that the one thing that holds me together has slipped like the sands of time in my loosening hands. I saw it coming but not this soon. The walls are closing in on me and they're on fire.
epictails Oct 2015
'How much do you make?' rather than 'What do you love to do?'
I was able to read today. But then again I slept for the entire day after only 4-5 hours of being awake.
epictails Oct 2015
What to do with a mind that is in a million different places at once?
The real reason I cannot drive lol. My mind is everywhere except the road
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