I don't understand what you like about me

Is it my poor social skills?
and my hatred of small talk?

my ever-changing laugh?
the way I avoid eye-contact?

It can't be my bulging stomach
my un-groomed eyebrows

I don't know
but you should stop because you'll get hurt

you are just a soul
your skin is just a shell

you are just a snail
if you leave your shell you will die

we are all just snails
it just takes somebody to stamp on us
to release us

but our souls will wander the earth alone
being chased by snails
hard as we try
our communications will fail

snails are afraid of souls
we will be rejected
souls are better off alone

you're under my skin
you're a tick
you're scabies
you shouldn't be here
you're irritable
get out
get out
get out
I don't want you here

you're in my blood
you're in my veins
you're my ******
so bad for me
but so good

I remember when I first met you
I admired you
the way you behaved was so exciting
I had to be a part of it
but I was terrified of doing something wrong
because I was so uncool plain boring

you were the smiths, the who, the beatles
I was whatever was on the radio
I had no appreciation for music or art

after a wild few weeks of an endless summer
we never spoke

then we met again
I was drunk on cheap wine
you were high

we began spending every day with each other
you walked me home

eventually feelings began to grow
you became my boyfriend
I became your girlfriend
but you were older than me
and I was young and confused

our relationship ended badly

after a year of silence
we started to talk again
we were different people
you are the smiths, bob marley, cypress hill
I am blink-182, fleetwood mac, pink floyd

a great deal happened in our year of silence
but I could sense that you had a strong admiration for the person I had become
and when our friend had been stabbed right in front of us
you saw that I was a strong, caring, intelligent young lady

weeks later you had confessed that you had feelings for me
I was already aware of these feelings
(I had taken advantage of them many times)
and you thought that the feeling was mutual

sadly I don't think that I'll ever feel the way I did about you
you changed.

I can only imagine how embarrassed and hurt you must feel
but I can't go through another period of silence
I think that you can

I love talking to you
but I don't love you

I love being with you
but I don't love you

*I don't love you

I remember when I met you
you were different to all of her other many boyfriends
we could talk about the things I liked
you liked them too.

Months after you and her had finished your chapter in life
you stepped into mine
you dazzled dizzied bewildered me
showed me that it was alright to like the things I did

You wrote poems
you made me feel special
I thought that you liked me
the way I liked you

Then you left for what seemed a thousand years
the night I found out about your new girl I didn't cry
I remained content until an excessive amount of alcohol brought out all the feelings
the words spewed out of me
the same way the varied assortments of drink would do later that night

We still spoke on occasion
we shared an embrace or two when we accidentally met in the street
I was still crazy about you
even though I was aware that you were crazy about her

You ignore me now
we don't talk
you cast me aside
like everybody else did

I think of you a lot lately
but not in the way I used to
If I ever had the pleasure of speaking with you again
I would remain silent
I have nothing to say to you

The only things I have are the memories of you
the arguments
the embraces
the exams

It's all over now.

I understand that everything I thought we had was all in my imagination
when you said you loved me you didn't mean it in the way I did
but I can't be with anybody else because I feel as if it should be you
I'd like to say you ruined me but you didn't
I've ruined myself
I'm so used to being in a state of heart break that I will put myself back there in order to feel comfortable

I want to forget you
in the same way that you've forgotten me
thrown me away
left me

I hope you never find out how much I cared for you
because it's embarrassing for me
I can't believe I ever felt that way about anybody
I let somebody through the hard exterior that I have
I pretend I have no emotion but you made me vulnerable
I let you in.

it's all bleak
I can't see a thing
I'll stick my hands out to feel my way
it's you
I can feel you
lips
eyes
hair
nose
your skin is velvet
you smell like home.

please get out of my way
can't you see I'm trying to find my way
out of the dark
out of the mess we made
you're in the way
in the way of my life
my happiness
my everything

my dad forgot my birthday
he thought it was so funny when I reminded him
he laughed out loud
not realizing that I was hurting

he laughs at everybody's feelings
pushes them aside
they're unimportant
or some kind of joke

what if the world is just too tough for all of us?
natural selection
that's why so many people commit suicide
because the human race is becoming stronger
leave the emotionally weak behind
push them to their limits until they can't take it any more
we only want the strong

tomorrow I'll see you for the first time in weeks
you missed me
I missed you
but I won't feel the warmth or comfort radiate from you
like it used to
it's my fault
but I can't pretend to feel something when I don't

your aura will be an ugly colour
you won't be the same
you won't walk me home
hold me
touch me

the last time I saw you
we fought
you were a storm cloud of emotion
I was the moon,
inconsistent
glowing
and not all there.

don't tell me things won't change
they have changed
and there's nothing I can do.

I'm sorry.

embarrassing as it is,
I miss you
not like I did
not desperately seeking you out
you're not on my mind permanently

you're the moon
you're only there at night
when I'm on my own
but then again I'm alone most of the time
maybe
maybe
maybe you're just there
the back of the congealed mess of my brain
you're a memory

we all knew you and her were meant to be
so take her and run
run away
leave everyone

like you left me
and I'm still there
I'm waiting for you
for some kind of miracle

The distant yells of a scared dog,
cars drifting distantly in the grey fog;
the sun reverts behind an orange cloud and
birds, they're singing so incredibly loud.

The echoes of the winged youth are closing in
stomach tied,
I can barely focus
The thought of someone seeing me dyes my innards blush
and I'd leave in a hefty rush.

How strange it would be to see somebody writing, outside
Gone are the things our predecessors saw as the norm.
For we must stay in our brickwork of a prison,
drive ourselves insane with our fascism and fakery.

Conform, they imply
Be individual, they preach
but follow us
be a copy of us and
how we wish we could be.

A glazed fire falls to earth.

A blaze so grand it will destroy your only exterior world.
A spread of rubies is covering the horizon,
so close you could fly to it
so far you can only fly to it.

This fire is our only day
he climbs high for his eternity
and falls
only for a minute

To have a fresh faced man take its place
for he spends brief moments in glory
and the rest in the ground.

I hate the sunshine
It's so ******* annoying
just leave me alone.

oh mother
why
why are you depressed
is it me
who is it

you're such a
spectacular
strong
sensational
woman

you've no need to feel this way
you're amazing

it's a knife
it's in my chest
and you're the one holding it
why are you doing this to me?
why are you pushing the knife?
you're hurting me.

you're not there
it's me
i'm doing this
i'm pushing the knife
I'm hurting myself
you're nowhere near me