life confuses me
you confuse me
me and you we spent some time away from each other
and I hated it
but it was good
but now we've grown closer again and I realized I'd forgotten how much I enjoy spending time with you
I forgot how much I love you
but I don't love you like I used to
I don't think I ever truly know how I feel
all I know is I always fall way too hard way too fast and usually end up disappointed
but im trying to learn to be okay
I'm trying to learn to manage and control my feelings
and for the most part I think it's working
but hearing about you two still makes me upset and uncomfortable sometimes but I don't know why
and I wish it would stop
but I'm thinking that it won't
and I'm thinking that I'm going to have to learn to be okay with that
you still confuse me sometimes
but I'm learning to be okay

Why would i need to purchase Tear Gas when i already exerted enough of that through all the struggle i have anticipated in my life?

Inside these quick April showers
lurks a silent melancholy,
a short buzzing of dysphoria.
The human is much like the earth,
for it is these short spells of sadness
that prime the soul for the sunshine
of happiness.

My friends, reclucantly, drag me out
to some local clubs to drink ale & stout.
I try my best not to sigh, too much, or pout
but it all comes back
with the memories about- her.
I slip away from the bustling crowd,
crying, 'it's too much- too loud."
Slithering over to the old wooden stool
I kindly tell the bartender,
"Keep serving me these until I drool."
An unusual look upon his face as he nods.
I notice everyone in here puts up such facades.
I refuse to plank up my soul & heart
though, I would if I was smart.
So I keep
hiding all emotions
by sipping on various potions
& adding certain chemicals to my drink
when no one's eyes towards me
make any motion.