I replay the 30 seconds before we fall asleep and the 30 seconds when we both wakeup over and over in my head like the title screen of my favorite DVD I fell asleep to when I was alone.

My stomach still flutters when I open the door to our home as it did when I opened the door to your car on our first date.

sometimes you fall in love all at once
and sometimes not at all
and every once in a while you tip toe in
like a childish whim out of bed
after they've already been safely tucked in
love is not something resting inside a body
for us to sneak up on and rustle out from inside.
if I told you I thought love was something
that you could build with me
a delicate masterpiece for just you and me to see
would you send your feet to racing
to something pre-built, something a little more easy
Inside this structure built by our memories
I can find home to safely tell you of the feelings I set to words
of the past we set to melodies
and how I hated it when things were a little uneasy
but something told me to stick around and not jump to an ending
so I locked my insecurities inside knotted fingers
that grew stronger in each clasp
and I'd tell you of how I didn't fight when you swept me off my feet
even though I told you to never lift me
and sacrifice my strong grounding
because everything I am resting in your arms was a fantasy
I'd tell you of how mad I was when I stopped writing
because I couldn't find anything I was confused of
except how to make sure this path didn't set astray
and I never wanted to plague the world with a love they couldn't have
I'd bring you stories of how I memorized your laugh
to play in my head when the world was daunting
how I'd kiss you the same number of times of every morning
to set a routine that wasn't set in monotony
I know that sounds like hypocrisy, but trust me
I'd grow into a story teller
as I recounted my perfect memory
of how I fell to you, of how I fell to be yours
but, I wouldn't leave out the parts of when I tried to run
before the journey had even begun
of when I told you I wasn't ready for anything serious
because I was delirious from questioning what I had done wrong
to so many future ones, from the past,
and how as the days would pass I swore to you
our intimacy was nothing,
our physical sincerity was fleeing before it hit you or me
but I'd tell you from a serpent tongue
terrified of what it could feel but not see
until eventually I knew I was lying when I said we were temporary
and I'd pull your frown from the ground when I reminded you
that honesty hit me so hard I couldn't stop fighting
for a reality involving you and me
so as you were falling to sleep
I hoped knowing that I loved you as much I hoped you loved me
would help you rest easily
and I choked out the saying truly wrapped in sincerity
and the truth left me trembling, but less uneasy
Here and now, I still restlessly fight with the thought of a lack of you
but when I steady my head, it's easy to find the strength I found in you
it's awe inspiring to take to realizing
that despite the work you and I have already employed
to build something that could even metaphorically take to standing
you still find me, simply smiling
and I'd tell you most of all
that I intend to love you through everything and anything

sometimes, it takes but one blow to drain all the wind from your sails
and sometimes, it takes a lot
whether less or more, your sails are still racing down
pulling the rest of you into a watery hell
your hair pulls down, following the rivers flooding your face
that have raced out of the gate of your closing eyelids
trying to catch up with your spine that can't hold you upright
from the ground there's a lot to see
it's just a little less dim and darkened
but rock bottom can be your greatest realization

When I go online I hide behind a fake name
Like a mime dressed in white
Tricking time with a silent rhyme
Running awe and confusion around a race track under pressure
Lines and metaphors set into the groves
In a cyclical pirouette releasing melodies and brilliant minds
Just for the record
You can't race a musical genius
Ducking through bars and springing off cliffs, taking a quick rest and stutter out the rest
Stuckin auto pilot ducking into first
Stringing up next to the last verses
Tying in with second in a harmonious concoction of connotation
Shooting minds through a cannon
To land on different islands in a perception derived definition

sometimes it hits you
like you always expected it to
setting off a lightening storm in the delicacy of a kiss
waiting to hear how far from passion we are
in the sudden thunder rumbling my ribcage

i always counted the seconds before saying things I was afraid of
the logic of numbers would surely reconcile stupidity
one,
two,
i love, three,
you
when senses shock your body everything stops
slows
to the careful counting of each of your teeth as they appear in a grin
slower
to the roadtrip down the stretch of your fingers
and suddenly, all at once
the world runs to full speed
and catches up to my day dream
of you and I laughing hysterically
and suddenly, not a count to soon
you love me

it's all a matter of perception,
I said
like your smile being more than bared teeth
and instead a delicate kiss from your cheeks to the creases of your eyes
it really depends how you look at it
I mentioned
because it's not that I'm tired
I'm just whimsically floating in an infinite day dream

see,
it takes but a blink to turn a nightmare into a dream
it takes but a single sound to break a barrier
it occurs in an instant but for a lasting lifetime
but it's all a matter of perception

like my favorite story you found a bit childish
like your annoyance I found adorable
like our comfortable love our pasts could not reconcile
and it really just matters how you look at it

because physical paths will be contrived to cross and depart
but perceptions know nothing of physics
and run into one another
changing an explosion from destruction to splendor

It was the end of August and my words were taking flight
Twisting into rhymes that danced with every ounce of thought running out of my mind
And it's the end of December and my words are hiding out
As they're stuck in a maze racing for anything and everything cheesy
Because if you flip flop and rewind back to the height of September
It was a mid summer romance that bound my words
As things were heating up and taking awkward steps
My mind thought of nothing but ooey gooey romantic bouts
In a sleepless night I fell in love instead of falling to sleep
As a mid October party running on stumbled feet and knocked over glasses
I lost the room to the melody of your voice
And I'll forever keep a video captured in my mind
Cause as early January dawned
I chase most yawns with a quick lip lock like I imagined while carefully watching you capture my interest
And I hope as February hugs the romantics
We'll find laughter in the hypocrisy of these love stories dancing with  mediocrity
And walk a pace a little different
To the following months I can't write about because they exist as dreams
That I could bring justice to with witnessing each individual scheme