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Jun 2015 · 253
Untitled
Lindsey H Jun 2015
I do not deserve to be here
I'm sorry you think I do.
May 2015 · 476
tie the loose ends
Lindsey H May 2015
I still don't want to be here
I still want to **** myself
you're not here
you promised you'd be here forever
you left
with no explanation
and you lied  
I knew you like the back of my hand
now I can't look at you
I'm scared of you
I feel like you're something different
you're probably not
you're probably happy
that's so good
it hurts
you were my best friend
so easily you were gone
but it's not my fault
you left me
I can't be sad
or feel sorry for being happy
if you're sad that's not my fault
breaking yourself in the process
of breaking me
that's not my fault
I'm sorry I'm happy.
Apr 2015 · 351
color changers
Lindsey H Apr 2015
my eyes darkened when you walked away.
I see it in my pictures.
I wonder if you see it too.
Apr 2015 · 223
Untitled
Lindsey H Apr 2015
the thoughts are always there,
I promise they only hide.
Feb 2015 · 453
how to cut an apple
Lindsey H Feb 2015
it's like,
cutting an apple in half;
with one drop of the knife
it won't split.
you have to keep pushing
for it to break.

similarly,
a relationship;
with one incident
it won't split.
you have to keep pushing
for it to break.
I'm sorry I kept pushing
Feb 2015 · 1.2k
I will always hate change
Lindsey H Feb 2015
13 years ago
that Magnolia tree hovered over my yard.
it cast such a shadow
that everything underneath was always so cool.  
the flowers were so beautiful;
the purest white to the palest pink.
when the sun was at a certain angle
the tree looked magical.
5 years ago the tree split in half.

back then
the grass was so much greener.
i don't mean the metaphor
the feeling of thin lucious grass running through my toes
always amazed me.
the grass is dead now.

we used to love the rain.
we would run up
and play in the middle of the street.
until the thunder cracked
and we'd race back home,
laughing the whole way.
I'm terrified of storms now.

you used to be able to hear kids playing.
you could drive through any neighborhood at any time of day during the spring and summer.
there would be kids outside.
playing baseball, rundown, release, soccer-
riding bikes, scooters, skateboards, go karts-
jumping on pogo sticks, trampolines, and over ropes.
even at night
we would go out
trying to catch lightening bugs.
we're inside on our phones now.

the trees going to school.
God were they something.
they lined the road,
every tree was the exact same
but something about there being so many in one place
could take your breath away.
2 years ago the road and trees were destroyed

I wish things never changed
and we couldn't wait to grow up
Feb 2015 · 241
10w
Lindsey H Feb 2015
10w
who am I kidding? it doesn't matter, it never did
Feb 2015 · 488
i hate change
Lindsey H Feb 2015
I changed my wallpaper back
to that picture of us
and I put the hearts back next to your name
because
I don't want things to change
and I thought maybe..
if I did that..
you wouldn't leave & nothing would change
Feb 2015 · 236
.
Lindsey H Feb 2015
.
you're happier without me
I understand that
just please don't rub I'm the fact that you're okay
& I'm not
I can't stand to see you smile.
your smile is what I live for.
Feb 2015 · 206
I'd give anything
Lindsey H Feb 2015
for someone to put the light back into me.
for someone to make me smile permanently,
not just hours at a time.
I want to feel complete
without someone having to be infront of me.
but I want someone here
or there...
someone who doesn't think I'm crazy.
someone who I dont see every day,
so the most important things
can be told on the days between.
someone who can make me feel special
who can confide in me
as I do them.

all I ask from you is
to not be what I want.
so I won't get attached
Jan 2015 · 327
unending race
Lindsey H Jan 2015
it's 8:00
the long stretch begins
when I help people up
one by one, bringing them back,
helping them finish.
suddenly I can't see straight any further
my vision is forced to bend
and I'm stuck turning the corner.
the only difference now
is those who I helped,
are not around the corner
unwilling to run my long stretch with me.
I run this alone,
much longer than I thought it to be.
theres a wall I'm supposed to climb,
but no one is on the other side to catch me.
I jump off the top.

it's now 8:30*
I land in my bed inside my dark room.
back to the place where most are comforted,
but four years ago this soft bed
felt like knives running across my skin.
days like these I'm not sure how to feel about my old friend.
today I wish we would've walked off together.
and woken up in a different time.
the thoughts came back today
Aug 2014 · 408
forgotten
Lindsey H Aug 2014
you don't text me when you get home
you don't tell me about your day
you stop replying quickly
I have to hear from other people things that occur to you
you don't communicate anymore
that's always how it starts
"I'm sorry I'm doing homework"
"I'm sorry I have practice"
"I'm sorry I 'fell asleep'"
"I'm sorry I don't feel anything anymore"
"I'm sorry we need to take a break"

for whatever i did wrong
I'm sorry too....
Aug 2014 · 367
I Already Know
Lindsey H Aug 2014
unraveling so slow,
I feel that it's about to fall apart.
and here I lie wondering
if you feel it too.

conversations
shorter.
time with you
shorter.

my confidence
less.
my hope in you
less.

time without you
longer.
thinking about you
longer.

I lie awake
holding something that isn't you,
wondering if you miss me too.

if you missed me,
you'd tell me.
and do you?
not once.

— The End —