They were something to behold
Everyone saw it
He pulled on her curls
She pushed him down
He laughed, amused
She frowned, but smiled when she turned around
He was a year her senior
Five and six when they met
During which, they were not the best of friends
He was more like a pest
She put up with
Over years though, it grew into something more
Akin to friendship
They would go out into fields
Chasing each other
Laughter filled the space
But then there were quiet moments
When breathing was caught
And looks were shared
And words were spoken
Some deep and buried
Brought out in the open
It was in those moments
Where things shift and change
Attraction became of them
As they grew in age
But neither acted in haste
Years of friendship prevented that
Still, gazes persisted; touches lingered
Talks became more intimate
They still laughed and teased the other
Both desired more though
But he was to leave for war
And not return, by any means, in a year’s or so time
One his last day before he left
They met
In a field
And she laid on his chest
He fiddled with her hair, pulling at her curls
Smiling when she punched his abdomen
When he pulled too hard
He would miss this
Miss her
She would miss him too
They soaked up the silence of night
Not talking just enjoying the sounds of the earth
He left at dawn
When he did, she would never tell a soul
How much she cried

He did not return in year or two or three
He returned four and half long years after
And he was not the same boy he was when he left
No, he was quite a different man
His eyes did not hold the same animation
They once did
His heart seemed hardened by his years at war
Guarded, more reserved
When he saw her for the first time
It was months after his return
In a crowded market
She was not a girl
No, not the girl he left
She was a woman
As much as he was a man
She did not see him at first
Her attention was elsewhere
He walked closer but stopped
A young girl about three emerged from behind the crate
Her fingers coated in something red and sticky
Which she was trying to clean
He could have sworn his heart stopped
And maybe it did
Because his breathing seemed to have ceased
The men around him became worried
His face ashen
Body rigid with tension
When she finally turned his way
Caught his gaze
Eye wide in surprise
In recognition…
He could feel her sigh
It seemed like the world stopped
People appeared frozen but moved with time
Passing in front of them
As two individuals allowed it to stop
But soon, he was recognized
They bowed and curtsied  
Saying meaningless pleasantries
It was not until
She walked up
Did he hear anyone  
The young ******* her hip
Face in the crook of her neck
Twirling her mother’s curls in her small hand
The woman—with perfect formality—
Curtsied and addressed,
“Your majesty.”

We skipped the meeting
We weren’t supposed to
We’ll be punished accordingly
But at this point, I don’t care
She traces the pink and raised lines on my skin
Healed…..physically
“Where did this one come from?”
She asks outlining the edges and curves of each letter on my abdomen
“Down on K-Street.”
She furrows her brow and frowns
“That’s one of the worst ones.”
I gaze up at the ceiling
“I know.”
And she knows that I know
It is one of the worst ones, but when running late to work
Sometimes you have to take a short cut
And sometimes that costs you
It was my fault I didn’t get up in time
But still it doesn’t permit people to do what they do
The world we live in now is different, and anything like that goes
…..Sadly
“This one you can barely see…”
She comments leaning in the low light
To get a closer look
Her fingers grazing the small blemish
Her brown locks falling in her face
I reach up and tuck some behind her ear
She gives a slight smile while still examining the mark
The pad of her thumb sweeps over my hip bone
Where it runs along
“Yeah, that one wasn’t too bad....
Didn’t hurt as much as some.”
Her hand makes it way up to my chest
With a feather-like touch
Hovers over one of the newest additions
Still red and swollen
“This one did and still does."
She states reading over the word
I inhale then exhale
Still recalling the pain
Still reeling from it
It happened a week ago
This was on A-Street
I was coming back from work
Usually I make it home fine
But I stayed late and missed my usual train
A RB caught me, and well the rest is on my chest
“You have them too.”
I point out
She forms a sad smile
Before meeting my eyes
Her bright green orbs filled with sorrow
“Not like this.”
The way she says it
So matter of fact but thick with grief
Over marks which aren’t hers
It’s different
It takes me by surprise
But I don’t want her to worry about me
“They heal.”
She shakes her head looking away
“Don’t pull that crap on me
They never heal, not completely.
All these scars
All the words etched into you.
Carved in to you and me—to so many others
They should never be there in the first place.
So don’t try and put on this tough-guy mask
And pretend they don’t ever hurt or bother you.
Because they do and I know they do.
They bother you and me and millions of others.”
She’s angry, and she has every right to be
I’m being thoughtless
Trying to be strong when I need to be vulnerable
I’m not taught that
I’m supposed to be strong, not weak
Weak is how I end up with all these marks on my body
At least that was what I was taught
But she’s taught me it takes more courage to be vulnerable than strong
Because anyone can put on a mask
Appear as if words never bother you
But to be exposed to who you truly are
All guards down and have someone else really look at you
It takes a lot of courage for someone to see you
Stripped down and defenseless
“Some of them I can’t see
Because of where they are
But I remember each one
And I can recall the level of pain with each
Some hurt more than others
But all are painful
And I get up and look down
I look so beaten and damaged
So scared
And I hate that
I hate looking in the mirror
Which is why I don’t have one anymore
And showers are the worst
Because I’m exposed
At least clothing masks most of them
So being in there….with water running over them
It’s like it amplifies their existence.”
I pause then add
“But I like to not smell so.”
She releases a breathy laugh
I take her hand, intertwine our fingers
And don’t continue till she meets my gaze
“Yes, I see them
On you, me, and so many others
I wish I didn’t
I want the world to be so different than what it is
And I want to change it
But I’m scared
I’m damaged in so many ways
And I don’t know how broken people can fix other broken people.”
She squeezes my hand
“I’m going to say something corny
And you’re going to listen.”
She directs with piercing eyes
“I’m all ears.”
She rolls her eyes before turning serious
“Not alone.
That’s how we change this society
This horrible world
Because one voice can be heard
But many voices cause others to listen
And we want them to listen
So not alone.”
I nod and bring our intertwined hands up
And press a soft kiss to her knuckles
“Not alone.
Well, it wasn’t as corny as I thought it would be.”
I tease and she smacks my arm
But the look she shares afterward
Is so full of affection
So caring and deep
It fills this void other people take away
But they won’t take away this
Not matter how cheesy that might seem
They’ll never steal this
She leans down and her lips brush over the word on my chest
The freshest one
She whispers against the mutilated tissue
“You are not worthless.”
And that’s when I break  
Because that stripped away anything which was left
Before I know it
She’s kissing away the salty streaks on my face
Repeating the phrase again and again
And it feels so nice to be seen without all the masks on
Scars bared and all

Everything I see is real
Everything, down to all the illusions in my head
Tangible, grasping in depth, genuine in shape and form
The monsters still come out and I still fight them
Battling with my wooden sword in hand
Jumping from the springs in my bed
To solid surface beneath
Landing with a loud thump
That brings her to my room, telling me play time is over
Under the covers
But playtime is never truly finished
Even in my dreams, I fight them

Everything I see is different
From the old man sitting on the side of the road
With a can in his hand
To the man with tailored suit
Strolling up to his Mercedes
Kids reaching for butterflies with cupped hands
To running away from bees on the playground
A woman helping her friend with a swollen belly
To a girl taunting another with mean words
I dream of day and night

Everything I see is nonsense
The man down from me pays for a cup of coffee and never drinks it
A photograph placed beside it
A woman next me stands waiting for the subway train
But never attempts of get on, she comes everyday
The girl in my class wears a red scarf every morning
Even in spring
I dream of various colors and shapes
Morphing into nothing

Everything I see is perceptive
A man lost his wife in a car accident
He carries her picture everywhere he goes
A woman almost lost her life on train tracks
Now, she attempts to step into the unknown
A girl’s best friend died of cancer
Her favorite color was red
I dream of blue rich sky and trees providing a canopy of shade
Green leaves dancing in the wind

Everything I see is real
I like to believe every image sequenced in my brain
Has some purpose for being there
I like to believe that every good deed
Creates a ripple effect
I like to believe that we understand
All the things that are nonsense
Everyone has monsters
Some just don’t fight them, or at least not in the same way
With a wooden sword in hand
Quick steps and illusion filled images  
I dream of life

I had a dream the other night
For people like me, dreams are nonexistent
We never sleep, so we never dream but I was so tired
I had been around the world more than hundred times that day
My body was drained of energy
So I fell asleep, and well, dreamed
The rain has finally let up, clouds begin to clear
Rays of light soon peeked out from behind
Trees surround the walking paths, grass covers patches of land
I take a seat right next to a fountain
Mist attacks the pores of my skin
My fingers graze against the slight sheen
Just as I am about to turn around, let the water hit my face
A woman appears next to me
She wears a red scarf with a bright, yellow coat
It sort of screams McDonald’s
But when her elegant, innocent face with big blue eyes and brown hair
Turn to me, Mickey D’s is the last thing on my mind
A soft smile graces her lips and I return it hesitantly
Not sure why she is here, or what’s going on
Do you come here often?
She asks and I almost laugh at the pick-up line used by so many
But those eyes and that innocent expression refrain me from doing so
Um no, I don’t even know where I’m at
I reply honestly, because I don’t remember this place
There are so many; I can never keep track
That’s a shame
I love coming here
There’s a silence here, not many places have that
Silence, something I rarely hear
But it encompasses this entire area
I notice it then, we’re the only ones here
The thought vanishes when she speaks again
So why are you here?
I stare at her then look all around me
Tall and lean trees surround the vicinity
Encroaching on the small stone trails
Sunlight blotches in thin lines between leaves
Green, plush grass covers the land between paths
The soft water of the fountain can be heard and small chirping sounds emerge
I begin to relax, let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding
I needed a break
She nods her head and doesn’t ask why
Something I’m grateful for
Instead she says
I know what you mean
Someplace to catch your breath
Find a moment of peace
When she says it, it hits me square in the face
Peace, that’s what I needed
Peace
I nod my head once, indicating I understood her
You can’t stay for very long, can you?
I shake my head no
That’s what I thought
Don’t you ever just want to settle down?
Stop moving?
I look at her—this girl, this woman, this stranger
Who reads me like a book
Turns every page and reads every line
And finds all the secrets hidden inside
I wish it were that simple
I say looking down the shady path
Well, I have to be off
She says as she rises and rearranges her scarf
I grab her wrist, signaling her to wait
Where are you going?
I ask looking up with an expression that surely reads displeasure
She smiles with a teasing glint in her eye and takes my hand
Come on, you can walk me out
I follow like a man in a daze
Her hand warm in mine
I glance down at her and realize how much taller I am
She’s so petite but so breathtaking
What’s your name?
I have to know that at least
Her lips turn up slightly and the glint returns to her blue orbs
You know
We reach the end of the path
Where the trees widen
Into an open area
Full of grass, knee high
But I see it, in a distance, another trail, as trees part for its way
One, I assume she is going to get on
Well, here we are
It was a pleasure
She states facing me
I look down at her
At a loss for words
I stare at her in discontentment, not knowing why this has to end
I don’t want to say goodbye
She smiles wider this time and reaches up to touch my cheek
Oh how different you are
I almost forget to breathe
Emotions swirling around me
Captivating my body
Freezing me
I blink to regain some motion
And she’s gone
I look around frantically
Searching for her
Then I catch sight of her
Across the way on the other path
Waving in yellow and red
I attempt to run to her
But my feet don’t move
I look down and see them fading
Before I know it, the sun becomes cloudy, trees blur and vanish
And I wake up feeling a loss like none other
I had lost time, during the dream that night
But I knew, those hours, those minutes of peace
Were worth it, even for just a moment
Then I remembered, I did know her
I try to stop by every chance I get
Just to look at her, make sure she’s okay
Even though she sees right through me
Her innocent charm, her wonderful personality
Of course, it would only be her
Irene

I want to share a story, a tale of sorts
One that makes the heart break and revive, twist and turn, yearn and crave
Without spoiling too much, let’s start at the very end
See sometimes something is simply not enough
Sometimes the status quo has to be changed
Altered, formed into a new being
A new creation
That very new specimen can make everything flip on in
Which is why in the end, when the last piece falls into order
It must be exactly as it should be
By that I mean, it must be as fate or destiny prophesized
I hope I have not lost any
Like I said I don’t want to spoil too much
But let’s say this ending, this one in particular, came from another spectrum
That it somehow escaped fate
Can something escape the pretenses of which it is ordained?
Yes, yes it can
So let’s begin
How do you begin to tell a story?
Do you start right from the beginning?
You can, but that’s so boring and overused
But we can’t start in the middle either
So we’ll pick a random place
It’s much more fun that way
It was the end of summer
The leaves were still green, sky still blue
The air, still possessed that humid and sticky quality to it
Not yet had it reached that perfect evening breeze
And she was still the same girl
Same blue eyes, same personality, same family, same way
Same girl who could make anyone laugh with just one saying
She had this very easy way of being
Relaxed, one could say, down to earth
But still spontaneous and outgoing
She let time slowly trickle by
Enjoy life
Simple, outgoing, funny, smart, clumsy, talented, and beautiful
She was
And then there was him
Now, I know what you are thinking
So let’s go ahead and let the cat out of the bag
One could call this a story of love or romance
But I hate those words
I like simple terms
When love comes in the picture, things get complicated
So let’s just say there was a boy
And there was girl
The boy, well, he was funny too
A short fellow he was, but a funny one
A caring one too, supportive, encouraging, sensitive
Optimistic and easy going
He attained a charm about him
He had a way with words
Of making one feel special
In such a big universe
Chocolate brown eyes that seemed to be the window of his soul
Oh, how cheesy
He did have brown eyes though
Girls thought him to be very attractive
A handsome young man
Short, strong, charismatic, kind, noble, sensitive, funny and handsome
What a great blend of qualities to have
Now that I’ve introduced these lovely two
What do you think their story is?
How did they come to be?
What makes it so heartbreaking?
I guess the matter at hand is
Do we really want to know?
It’s like an itch you scratch
Isn’t it?
It’s bothering the heck out of you
But no matter how many times your finger nails
Scrap across the delicate skin
It just continues to inflame and aggravate
Maybe that’s why I started with the ending
Then proceeded to pick a random spot in time
Introduce a boy and a girl
Who….
Then leave it there
Hanging on end
Where the reader fills in the blanks
Makes up their own story
Of how they escaped fate
Because maybe you’re ending
Isn’t be as heartbreaking as mine…..

The men and women in various colors had left the room
Something about coming back later
The crying woman left too, talking to the man in white
Leaving the girl alone with the man
Who could barely glance her way
Could-d I-I h-have a-a mirror?
Her words came out stammered
Voice rough, raspy, and cracked
Dried up from hardly any use
He looked at her shocked
Whether from the request
Or the fact that she spoke
Finally processing the question, he reached into the woman’s purse
Grabbed a mirror and brought it to her
Along with a cup of water
She smiled softly in reply, took a sip of the water
Then flipped the mirror over and took in the image
More scars
Bandages around her head
Cracked and dried lips
Bruises fading
No stitches, just tape and glue
But what caught the most attention was her brown eyes
They stared back at her
Empty
Blank
No reminiscence of who that was in the reflection
Just a broken girl with no recollection
She stared for several minutes
Trying to figure out the equation
The solution, the answers to all the questions
She needed to remember
Who it was in the mirror
The brown-eyed girl
Lost to this world
She felt a rising emotion swell within her
She saw glazed eyes beginning to shine
As tears spilled out of her eyes
The watery imprints left on her face
As disappointment rang
A stranger gazed back

She set the mirror down, clenched her eyes tight
Wanting to erase the image from her mind
Because it was now a memory
A full-fledged memory
Something to recall
Something to remember
And it was of a stranger
Who felt distant and intrusive
Because this girl had a life
And it wasn’t hers anymore
It was someone else’s
Someone who forgot all that made her—her
She had a face, arms, legs, a beating heart
A life that was taken and vanished from sight
In one instant in time
Gone in the blink of an eye
All the memories, the past
Something so vital that made this girl who she was
No longer belonged to her
But to a stranger
Who remembered nothing of the kind

Suddenly she felt someone wiping her face and eyes
Dabbing the tears away
She opened her eyes and looked to see the tall man
Standing very close with a tissue in hand
One look into the man eyes and she saw a rawness that tore her apart
Brokenness, so clear and underdone in dark orbs
Tears streamed down his long face
She felt an unfamiliar tug in her heart
On instinct, she gently grabbed his wrist
Took the tissue from his shaking hand
And began to wipe his tears away
He closed his eyes at the gesture
Beginning to sob
As she continued to dab his face
I know who you are
His eyes shot open at the admission
Shock and surprise filled those brown orbs
Followed by hope
You do?
He whispered
Still in shock
She nodded
As more tears sprang to her eyes
*I just don’t remember

She needed to remember…..
Remember the parallels of light and the unescapable darkness
The blurred lines of reality
The sobbing woman at her side
The tall man near by
The questions tossed this way and that
As she just stared at them wide-eyed
They looked at her expectantly, hesitantly, anxiously, fearfully
But most of all, the most prominent look in their eyes was hope
It screamed at the depths of rimmed blue, brown, and hazel
It pleaded with hers, waiting for fulfilment
She said nothing
Even when they asked the most simple of questions
So they took on a different tactic
By stating where she was, how she got there, what her condition was
She semi-paid attention to the man wearing white
Picking on a view words
Car— crash— hospital— head
They were important
She knew that
They were vital to her circumstance
But their significance lost meaning with the emptiness
Of no memories, no recollection
Of her state, of these people…… of time
Lost in the blank recesses of her mind
She wanted to dig them out
Drag them in the open
Wring them free of the dust, dirt, and grim
They collected in two months’ time
But searching caused searing pain to swell in her brain
She gripped both sides of her head
Squeezing tight
Noticing bandages and scars for the first time
She had noticed the white walls and beeping machines
And the expectant people surrounding her damaged state of being
But the fine and large scars covering her arms
The bandages wrapped around spoiled tissue
Visible, uncovered reminders in sight
Appeared pink with tinging red
Healing
For some reason, that small thought
That miniscule fact brought unbridled relief
She immersed in it
Even for the briefest moment
She relished in the small victory
Then she heard the sobbing woman to her right
Looking at her, taking her in
Red rimmed eyes
Face washed of makeup
Anguish mixed with relief in her blue orbs
The girl turned her attention to the man at the woman’s side
Who could barely look at her with a clenched jaw
Eyes puffy as well
But he seemed so concentrated at some point on the wall
She gazed that way but found nothing but white….