How captivating it is
To watch the sun who was told she must love the sky, to fearlessly defy,
To fall to her knees,
Ignoring others pleas and
With all in sight
Kiss the earth goodnight.

Gender is such a fun game, Isn't it?

I remember as a kid I would play Wizard101 and in the beginning before creating a new

Character, you must establish if you were a

Boy.. Or a Girl.

I had one female wizard, and one boy wizard and in my mind, that was okay until

I showed my heavily religious grandparent the game.

She asked me why there was one boy character, and one girl character.

I told her it was my friends and she smiled, as if she were relieved.

The next sentence that spilled from her old ancient lips made me almost cry.

She smoothed her khakis and said

I was afraid you would say that they were both you, because you should only have a girl character.

And no, Oma, it was not my friend's character because in my mind, I wanted to be that boy character.

In my mind, I  wanted to be that female character as well.

When I was Thirteen, I got a plaid shirt for Christmas. I put it on and my friends said

It made me look like a lesbian.

And only one of my friends said it looked good on me.

At that time, I was declaring myself "bisexual" finding both girls and guys

to be very attractive.

My favourite viner was a neutrois and I thought this was normal.

In fact, I wanted to cut my hair short  and wear guy-ish clothes for a longtime.

So many people have told me that I must identify as "boy" or "male"

Or ****, even "girl" and "female"

Well guess what.

I'm worth more than a ******* "Other" button.

So are other people.

People, humans.

That's what we are, isn't it?

You can justify
With lust in your eye
Give them lesbians
Their rights
Cause their a pleasurable sight
I guess it’s a start

You say it’s ok to be gay
Just don’t hit on me
Cause I’m straight
I believe you have the right
To fight
For said rights
But can you keep the pda
In a private place
I guess it’s a start

But when it’s not clearly defined
In your limited mind
When you can’t classify
Between a girl and a guy
You forget to be fair
Don’t bother to be nice

Then I remember
We got a long way to go
Justice is brutal
And to **** slow
Breaks my heart
Cause corruption and prejudice
Are easier than fairness

Gay lovers
Hold hands with each other
In public
Don’t give a ****
******* will keep
Keeping us stuck
Be proud to kiss
Don’t give two *****
I love you
But we have such a long way to go

Lesbians
I am sorry
For the lustful leers
The years of fears
Struggling through to
Be you
Remember
I love you to
But we have a long way to go

Transgender, Transvestite, *******
Honey you are beautiful
Androgynous, bisexual
Human hybrids
And all those wonderful things
Outside and In-between
Can’t say it enough
You need to know you are loved
But we have a long way to

Why am I here?
Why do I have to endure all this crap
About ruining your life when really
It's just the other way around

We are told when we are young to be ourselves
But apparently my community never got the memo
They drag me down with every stereotype
Drowning out my voice until I stay silent

I don't really speak much about it anymore
I stay hidden
Keep my mouth shut
And I roll with the punches that cause scars on my skin

Because these scars will never heal
I carry every single negative comment
Every single joke
Every single punch line
With me
And I've started to crack

It's not long before I break
I've shattered before
But my friends have been the ones
To temporarily glue my pieces back together

Why can't people understand
That it's not a choice
You are born the way you are
And I can't and don't want to change

My friends support me
And my parents say they support me
But my mom won't even let me get pride shirts
Constricting my ability to show my pride in school.

I am proud!
I've overcome multiple obstacles
And I may be close to shattering
Where my pieces will fall one by one

I already have pieces that have fell
And shattered on impact with the ground
They will forever be missing
I will always have parts of me missing

So as I disintegrate into space
I ask that you all abuse me
Rather than the next girl
Because it's better to shatter something
That's almost broken anyway

I've never felt so at home,
as I did the day I met her.
For once I couldn't hear
the bickering of voices in my head,
and that's how I knew.
Home is wherever your demons
go mute, and the feeling of
her palm on mine is
a better silencer than
antidepressants ever were.

She makes me feel whole,
like the only reason my heart
is aching is because I
cannot possibly love her more.

She smiles at me like
there might actually be
something there to smile about.

When I am with her,
I forget that society did not
teach me to love this way.
Did not teach me that
sometimes love arrives
in a package tied with a pink bow.

And I could change all the pronouns
in my love poems to him,
if it would make others
more comfortable,
but it wouldn't change the truth.

The truth is that nothing
has ever came easy in life,
except for loving her.

I was doing it
A L L W R O N G

Because I thought about it,
I thought of
David Levithan
and his books
and I thought of
Alex Sanchez and
HIS books,
and
I thought about
Julia Anne Peters and
HER books.

And after I was done
thinking I realised
I was doing what
I hated.

Boy meets Boy isn't
a gay story.
It's a story about love.

Keeping You A Secret
is not a
lesbian love story,
it's just a love story.

Rainbow Boys Trilogy is not
a gay trilogy it's
a story about growing up and
getting along and
being in love and
being scared and
being stupid
and being brave
and being
a
friend.

I'm just thinking about them as
being about gayness because
they are gay,
even if you take away everything they
are love
stories
and
that's
it.

Love Is The Higher law--
about 9/11.

I Am J--
Being yourself--
a common theme.

Wide Awake--
finding courage and
finding yourself.

All these books,
and I've been looking at them
W R O N G.

I mean,
ten years ago
Boy Meets Boy
and
Keeping You A Secret
and
Rainbow Boys
was a
H U G E D E A L,

but now...
not
so much.

Maybe it's from living in a
household where gay
didn't exist,
Don't get me wrong,
I still want a book about
a character living in a
fantasy world or
utopia as a..
clone, maybe.

Or a dragon slayer.

Remnants of my heart,
They crackled in the fire
were scorched in the flames.
Oh I should've learnt
That my heart's true desires
would contort in pain.
They told from the start
Closet Case leaves you tired
As they hide in shame.
But I could not part
For I gave my heart entire
Only I to blame.
But I regret nothing for this was love
Harsh reality, but none the less love.

Look at him and go out on a limb,
Or am I suppose to use a three by five?
Slop on the mascara,
Know the difference between "por" and "para".
Go to this school, so they can feel secure;
Be clean, be pure.
Starve- you can't be fat.
Fail because you didn't follow format.
"I don't care how well you draw,
Just go to Harvard and study law."
They'll lay out your life step-by-step,
And yes, you will be every teachers' pet.
I don't care what you do;
Be cut-throat, be cruel,
Anything to be:
This cookie cutter you made for me.