in the hush of silence
in the calm of peace's release
they approach, dancing
their presence a gentle tease
last year, amidst the ebb and flow of time's sway
I erred and guessed in myriad ways astray
last year's tears
steadfast companions through the night
yet within their shimmer
I glimpsed a guiding light
not hatred but fear, you instilled within my core
teaching love's tangled dance
entwined forevermore
addicted to disappointments bitter taste
to the cycle of ascent and fall
not one to waste
you and I
a tale of what could never be
a symphony of longing
a silent plea
heavy the heart
in the weight of sorrow
I find my spirit free

Where is Carli?
The willow that hung so freely, where are the stars on my ceiling?
The red radio with the broken antenna
I remember the rhododendrons blooming and growing so tall that I couldn't see the street
where are they?
Where is my pink banjo crafted by dad's paragon of patience
where is the color in your hair?
I see how life has hit you, and I want to hit it back for you
Mama bought me a book,
she said you are my curious girl
I read the pages slowly while trying to make sense of the world
Where is the ring that the ocean swallowed up?
Where are the stars we watched?
Where is the bee that stung inside of my ear?
When did my fears grab me over the years?
Where is the wandered asking these questions?
I thought I'd have the answers by now
but I'm only left with lessons

i never wanted to be you
i fought it , i swore it, i cursed myself
if i ever became a single, similar
drop to you
this aversion it kills me yet frees me

tears fall gracefully, yet violently
time passes and passes
to move on from the ones i love
the ones who dressed
who fed me the food
that nourished my growing body
the ones who gave me shelter when I was dependent
for my very own survival
who held me, who love me,
who support me
I love you with my every breath