You make me happy.

Whenever I think about you
my face turns red
and I can't stop smiling
and I just end up sitting
there and giggling.

When I see you I
just want to snuggle up
in your arms and listen
to your heartbeat
as you tell me stories
of your childhood.

When I talk about you
I don't really know what to say
because I'm so overwhelmed with
bubbles
and happiness
and giggles
but I could talk about you
for hours
and I want to be poetic
I really do
but I can't find the words
to describe
how the gentle ***** of your nose
makes my heart speed up
or the way your hand fits in mine
makes it hard to breathe
and I could say I want to see
where the veins in your arms lead
when I trace them with my fingertips
but I know they'll just lead me to your heart and
it just sounds dumb and cliche.

What I'm trying to say is
you make me feel a lot of things
and I really like them
but I'm absolutely terrified
of them so all I ask is
please don't leave.

Dear randy,
I'm sorry I ruined your life. It's just that hurt people hurt people, and you were hurt. I'm sorry you were hurting so badly you had to hurt me. And I'm sorry this probably doesn't sound much like a poem it's just that I can't make this pain sound pretty and no amount of imagery or sensory detail can make you feel the blue green flames of my anger burn every happy memory you ever gave me. And if anger is only the second stage of the grieving process I'm not moving on very quickly because, I'm sorry, but whenever I think of you my brain spills curse words like my eyes spill tears like my pen is spilling ink. And I'm sorry that I, your 17 year old daughter, have to apologize for things that are your fault, because your fault is your lack of ownership for ruining me. You made waking up feel like plunging my head into the ocean and with every breath my lungs drew in more seawater until I was full of it and I was sure my heart was the titanic that hit an iceberg with your name written on it that made it split in two and sink to the bottom of the sea floor I call my rib cage. My every breath became a sigh because I could never get enough air but once I did I didn't want it anymore. I trusted you and you lied and cheated and ruined the only relationship you promised me would last. There is a hurt inside of me that won't go away and for that I am sorry. I'm sorry that when you look into my eyes, you have to see that my tear ducts are so dry it's impossible for me to cry so I just laugh. I'm sorry you have to see the walls built up around my heart and know that you no longer have the keys and I'm sorry, randy, that I can't let you heal. Because when I'm okay, you can be okay, but I am so not okay.

i write really good poetry about you and you don't even know.

that's the nicest thing you've ever done for me.

thanks.

the moon still moves the tides and everything will be ok

I didn't fall in love, I crashed into it in a burning ball of flames and tears and happiness and a pre-broken heart that continued to shatter with each hug and each sleepover and each lie because it wasn't even the first time lies had been told through a fake smile and white teeth which was even harder and I really have started to believe there aren't any decent men since I really haven't had anyone to prove me wrong even though there are good men in my life I just have no reason to take them into account and I think that is sad that one man started such distrust and another one continued it and I'm waiting for the man to give me a reason to trust again and I was hoping I could find that in you but WOW YOU REALLY PROVED ME WRONG AND MY HEART JUST CONTINUES TO BREAK so thank you for that and goodnight I'll see you at Sheri's