Dear randy,
I'm sorry I ruined your life. It's just that hurt people hurt people, and you were hurt. I'm sorry you were hurting so badly you had to hurt me. And I'm sorry this probably doesn't sound much like a poem it's just that I can't make this pain sound pretty and no amount of imagery or sensory detail can make you feel the blue green flames of my anger burn every happy memory you ever gave me. And if anger is only the second stage of the grieving process I'm not moving on very quickly because, I'm sorry, but whenever I think of you my brain spills curse words like my eyes spill tears like my pen is spilling ink. And I'm sorry that I, your 17 year old daughter, have to apologize for things that are your fault, because your fault is your lack of ownership for ruining me. You made waking up feel like plunging my head into the ocean and with every breath my lungs drew in more seawater until I was full of it and I was sure my heart was the titanic that hit an iceberg with your name written on it that made it split in two and sink to the bottom of the sea floor I call my rib cage. My every breath became a sigh because I could never get enough air but once I did I didn't want it anymore. I trusted you and you lied and cheated and ruined the only relationship you promised me would last. There is a hurt inside of me that won't go away and for that I am sorry. I'm sorry that when you look into my eyes, you have to see that my tear ducts are so dry it's impossible for me to cry so I just laugh. I'm sorry you have to see the walls built up around my heart and know that you no longer have the keys and I'm sorry, randy, that I can't let you heal. Because when I'm okay, you can be okay, but I am so not okay.