Your breath was so warm on my skin and
I am a *******
Because I miss you too much
I’m an addict for your kisses and ask you if these are what cigarette withdrawals feel like
And I know you're not about that
Sappy love poem ****
Or writing about the girl you love now
Because I am a piece of trash
Who loves you too much
I wonder if you can feel the desperation
On my lips when we kiss
Or when I hold your hand a little tighter
Because you are the universe to me
And I can't let you go
I’m terrified because you can make me feel like the sun in the sky
Or the dust under your feet
Other boys are dull and starless
But you are a lightning storm
Setting me ablaze with fire and passion
And I’m so pathetic because
I cry too much at 4am when I spill my insecurities to you
And I write too much sad poetry when you're away

So I'll read your novels about carelessly falling in love with other girls
Or wordlessly listen to your stories about dating models and your almost relationships with girls who collect men like earrings
And I wonder if you can hear my heart break when you rest your head against my chest
Because I am a piece of trash

january** // it had just happened.

march // this is the month of transition from winter to spring, but that doesn't mean this is the month of transition from broken to healed.

may // it's getting warmer, but that changes nothing.

august // it's rainy now, but the tears that have fallen from the darkened sky still haven't washed it away.

I remember what it was like the first time I laid eyes on you.
No one had ever taken my breath away like you did.
I remember what it was like when you first grabbed my hand in the truck.
I remember wanting to never let go.
I remember what it was like when I first kissed you.
I remember wanting to never stop.
I remember what it was like when you spoke of, and to me, and the way you spoke of your feelings.
I remember feeling like I was on top of the world.
I remember what it was like when you told me you weren't going anywhere.
No one made me feel as special as you did.
I remember what it was like the day you left.
I remember thinking that it was all just a dream.
And I remember what it was like when you said you didn't want me.
No one has ever broken my heart the way you did.

fall down, fall down
how far does the rabbit hole go?
where are you? where are you?
do you even know?

too big, then too small
you don't belong
shrink some, grow some more
follow that rabbits song

two steps forward
one step back
keep marching on
you're on the right track

don't turn back
you've come so far
listen to the hatter
we all know who you are

save our homes
and save our souls
it's up to you now
to defeat the dragons and trolls

I wanted it to be you
I wanted it to be you so badly
but I am not Alice
and this is not my wonderland

j.f