I had a good day.
"but youre supposed to be depressed."
"im glad youre finally better."
"see I knew it was a phase."

I didn't sleep good last night.
"its because you always have that phone in your face!"
"did you take the melatonin I gave you?"
"but you had a good day!"

Im sad today.
"but you were laughing all afternoon!"
" probably just something you watched on youtube."
"oh we are all sad sometimes youll be fine!"

Im not fine, I feel alone in a crowd of people who care. I cant catch my breath long enough to explain why I feel this way. I have a voice in my head fighting the others. Im awake all night with my phone off crying into a pillow flipping a blade between my fingers swearing I wont go there again. Its been years and this phase is taking forever.

"......."

"................."

"..."

i am sorry
that when you broke
i didn't help you back together
but started checking your pieces
to see if any of them could serve
to fill my missing ones

Sometimes I go away for awhile.
I leave my mind and body just to become an alien in my own home.
sometimes I go away for a while.
I always come back some sooner some later but never gone for long.
sometimes I go away for awhile.
while I am away I flip through photo albums and notebooks enjoying the flashes of home while im a drift.
sometimes I go away for a while.
I see the town I grew up in and the house my grandfather took his last breath.
sometimes I go away for a while.
even though I return and live like a hermit in my own skin as if ive been here the whole time, sometimes I go away for awhile.