That July,
I was a jar
of fireflies;
you held
me in your
hands. I
lit up your eyes.

I fell in love with life
And it broke my heart

I attempt to wash him completely out of me.
Scrub every inch of body because His hands have grazed over it all.

I fill the bath up with bubbles so I can't see my body's black and blue Bruises and scars that run so deep.
He likes to touch me with his rough hands. Feel me for what I am,
just another warm blooded girl.
But tell me what can I do except let it happen?

And then I turn the lights off so I'm left just to think.
Think and think until my mind goes blank,
And that's where I like it so my mind won't make up crazy stories like Real love and happiness.

My tears fill up the bathtub so I don't need to waste our water,
I spend my time crying until my eyes can't handle another tear.
My fingertips begin to wrinkle up,
So I drag myself out.

Motivation just seems to hurt more than his hits to my face.
I get out dry myself off and set my face in a clean coat of makeup like He likes, but not too much because I just look like a cheap *****,
and not too little because He tells me I look not pretty.
I put on that dress He tells me He just loves,
because it shows Him my curves, and hangs down real low. He knows it's just for Him.

I get out of the bathroom and am greeted by my love,
He's not red with horns and a flaming torch,
But I know for sure it's Him.

Why wipe my tears,
when you had to make me cry?

Why message,
when you never on planning to have a conversation?

Why get me attached,
when you had to leave?

Why do you come in peace,
when you are to leave me in pieces?

Why heal my heart,
when you had to break it?

Why fill my heart with happiness,
when you had to leave it will sorrows?

Why make me feel comfort,
when you had to leave me alone?

Why do you plant flowers,
if you were never going to water them?

Why did you build a home,
if you were never going to stay?

Why light up my world,
only to leave it dark?

Why do you come back,
just to leave once more?

I wanted to make you
taste the venom you poisoned me with.
Make you experience,
every ounce of pain you put me through.
I wanted to make you feel the wrath of the devil
and fire from hell.
Make you feel the darkness that consumed,
abandonment, hate, betrayal, loneliness and anger
that away the soul.

But now witnessing the consequences,
seeing you fall apart,
I realized this isn't what I wanted.

For this is an endless imprisonment of pain
and vengeance is not the escape.