i suppose
i love my scars
because
they have
stayed with me
longer
than most people
have

I will always smile
When my thoughts run to you
Your soft touch
Your honey filled smile
Those handsome blue eyes
Your gentle laugh
Your hopeful eyes
The way you protect me
I'm glad our paths crossed
You make my heart flutter
You kiss me
In a way
I will always
R E M E M B E R

i sit alone
in a room full of people
i observe the groups
they laugh, they talk
i sit silently trapped
inside a cell i made myself
inside my head
i scream wanting to leave
wanting someone to save me
but lower i fall
i can fake a smile
fake a laugh but
what no one sees is the girl inside
but still i say i'm living
i can say i'm fine
but one day
when im older
i will defeat depression

tears ridden with salt
fill our seas
tears fallen from ***** chreaks
filling our oceans
my dad used to say
as we sailed on the waves
water water everywhere but not a drop to drink
i finally see why i think

I wish I could
I wish it was easier
But letting go
Of all the pieces you broke
All the pieces I loved so much
All the dreams I wanted
If only I could
Forget you
And take back my light

You love to write
He says in frustration
You do it so much
Just do it now
Like I want to spill my feelings
Like I want to let him in
Like you deserve to see
The words painted on my heart
But you don't
That's something you have to earn
And you truly haven't tried

if paint could fix my broken walls
hide the cracks
cover the scars
make all the problems I've endured disappear
I would be a **** good artist

written in these walls
are the stories that i cant replace
hidden i these walls
that i wish in could remake
I promise every morning
I will smile like this again
But I've been so broken
I don't even know where to begin
Cause the pain they've caused
Is sewn into my heart

i hate you so much
but i love you with all my heart
i never want to see you again
but i cant wait to this weekend
i don't want you near me
but i love when you pull me close
i keep my walls up high
but you walk right by them
i don't want to let you in
but i can't stand to let you go

It’s okay to not be perfect
I hear it almost daily
It’s okay to breath
But I carry this anxiety around with me
Like a backpack
It’s stuck to me it’s become a comfort
Like a friend I can always relay on to be there
And because of that
somehow it’s grown comforting
Because I can always count on my anxiety
To be there for me

jack and jill went up a hill
but jack went out on ***** and pills
and jill she had to pick up his pieces
his broken bottles
his empty containers
his lost sobriety
and very soon
after the brokenness became to much
jill came tumbling after
going out just like jack

will you be there
when i say good night
will you be there
when i break down
will you be there
when im crying
and my vision goes blurry
when my love is over run by pain
will you be there even when im not okay
when my brain takes my smile
with flashes
with broken images
will you be there
to hold me when i need you most?

It was supposed to be a promise
just like every other one of your words
all the lies you spewed at me
every song you whispered into my ear
every dream I let you control
now lost in shatters
like ice breaking into a flowing river
like the tears that won't stop
constantly blurring my vision
like I've even let u steal that
and maybe I have
because I let you steal everything
with words like
i love you

tears stinging my eyes
your voice a shrill memory
playing over and over
like a skipping vinyl
they way you seethed
the spittle flying through your lips
"don't scream at me"
coming out at only a whisper
as I'm drowned out
by your breaking vocals
"your not here"
is all I can scream into the darkness
but it never heard never true
because when I leave this room
I will still be haunted by your memory

i had a dream
it was about you and me
it was about our future
about the places we are going
i always thought i would never find my one
but now that i have you
i promise i wont ever let you go

we grew up on
pretty thin white lines
but now there breaking apart my life
splitting what i need and want
throwing me
int this sea of sadness
this sea of broken
if only i knew how
to slip through the lines cracks

I'm not haunted by death
But rather this graveyard of memories
You left behind
When you left me on the corner
Of broken dreams
And smiling with glee

there are wounds
that every person carries
they form on our hearts
they form on our minds
they are so much deeper
so much farther under the skin
so much deeper than anyone can ever see
I'm sorry I keep mine locked up
but I've already lost my key

I only pray
You keep your promise
To never leave
My broken soul
I know its hard
I know i'm not easy to love
But say with me
Until our pictures are old
And there fraying at the edges
After all that was your promise
You swore you would stay with me
Even when its hard
Because the sadness from you
Abandoning me is a sadness
I could never recover from

It's days like this
When the sky is Grey
And the droplets never cease
Falling from the darkest clouds
That I get caught in my head
Realizing what I'm really missing
I miss the comfort of being sad
Because at least then
I knew what to expect
Even if it hurt
At least I could control the outcome
But I keep reminding  myself
Not to slip down that *****
Because then I would be gone entirely

the sun will rise
even when your in pain
even when your broken
even when the emotions welling in your stomach start to strangle you
the sun will rise

I lose
pounds,
patience,
time,
energy,
love,
hope,
dreams,
all because you think that's the best way
to love me

you made me miserable
more than you ever made me happy
but I still think you were worth it
I still think we could have been forever
if only I had been stronger
and one day I may be
but that won't be today
I won't be tomorrow
but one day I will find my happy

you need not look to far
for if you have ever even the slightest question
you needn't wait for an answer
for all you shall ever need to do is
glance to the vastness of the sky
you need only glance the multitude of the stars
to know the infinite depths of our love

I live behind a barbed-wire fence
I watch the world move around me
I watch the way everyone moves on
But I stay here in my barbed wire fence
Like the caged animal
Caught by my fear to move forward
Caught in my fear
The feeling I will never be enough
Keeping me its capture
Even as the years pass us

love is a hurricane
it begins as a light rainfall
a soft heart beat
a light footed dance
and then the wind picks up
and our desires grow
and the dance becomes fast
and the need to be in the others touch
can leave you broken
and shattered in its wake

you said i love
you, i was your only one
and so we kissed recklessly
lett     ing   the   rain  so  ak
o        u         r       c      l    o
        th
        s
       an
       d
        ou
        r
   lo     ve
    fill us

wherever you may go
wherever you may be
I will stay with you
through any tribulation
through any fight
ill wait for you
ill stay up all night
because even if we scream at each other
fight like we don't want to be together
feel like we're crashing
I know we were meant to last
I know that you are my last
because my heart chases you
and wherever you may go

lost
broken
hopeless
strung out
that's what you would say
if you could see under
the costume I'm forced to wear
the mask I must wear
so that you don't see what has gone wrong

written in the stars
my name across there heart
forever in my mind
i want to keep them close
even when there far

the lights flicker on
the lights flicker out
i can still hear her voice bouncing off these empty walls
can still see her shadows on the walls
can still smell her

The lights flicker on
The lights flicker out
im almost forgetting the doctors words
she cant be dead that cant be true
He lied the doctor had to
Shes going to see me soon walk through that door laughing

The lights flicker on
The lights flicker out
But she is dead i know she is
Why would she do that
Why would she drink
Why would she drive
Didn't she know how much that would hurt me
She had to why couldn't she just called someone
Why did she have to die
I hate her for that

The lights flicker on
The lights flicker out
I don't even care honestly
I have not showered for five days
have not been able to leave my bed for 10
But i don't care abut her
I don't need her
And i'm fine
I don't need anyone not even myself

The lights flicker on
The lights flicker out
Why couldnt have been me
I would have rathered it be me
Why couldn't i have ran in the car
I would trade my life to go back
To tell her not to go
Its all my fault why didn't i warn her
I could've please trade my life

The lights flicker on
The lights flicker out
Its been two months now
I'm okay
Shes gone i cant change that
No one can change that
Its not my fault
I'm not mad
I will find love again
It still hurts when i think of her
Still breaks me down
But i'm okay
But i'm moving forward
because i have too

I see you,
When you cry
Or when you feel lost
Each time you get turned around
Each time you can't see
The light at the end
Of this dark tunnel

I see you,
When your smiling
When I remind you
your not gonna lose me
When you finally listen
And find your light

Just know I'm here
I always will be
And I see you

Love isn't what we want
Its never like we imagin
Its not dancing the night away
Or loving till you think you'll brake
Its taking the pieces
Of me
Of you
And putting them together
In a new
More perfect way
Each person leaving you with a piece
Each collecting good and bad
And in this way
Love is a puzzle

you fell in love with what
i let you see
but this has never been the real me
i let you see my true heart
and you stayed with me
while i crept through the dark
you held my hand as the sun shined
and now its my turn to
change your life
and help you through your darkness

the worst prisons arent in citys
arent the ones with bars
but the prisons we lock ourselves in
the prisons that live in our heads

broken dreams
and ripping seams

a girl sits still
upon a sill

strings pulling hard
she moves not that far

shes controlled by her master
one that does not care

for her at all
cause a puppeteer

is always near

will i ever
i find myself asking wondering if i can
if i deserve
if ive done enough
and maybe i havent
theses thoughts weaving there way in
taking over my mind
until im brought back
to a place of mistakes
and incompleations and lost causes
and i wait until i forget my
will i evers