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I hate the word victim
It's like you are ignoring
All of the surviving a person has done
Like you are looking at the trauma
And saying you are a product of this
But I'm not
It's like you don't want to acknowledge
The fact that we did survive
And don't think your helping
When you say it's not my fault
And in the same breath ask me
why I didn't scream loud enough
Or ask for help
But you will never understand
What it's like to be so manipulated
That your scared to lose your abuser
i know he doesnt love me
he never did
but when he held me
and spoke softly
like we were the only ones in the room
i felt special i felt included
like nothing would tare us apart
but you couldnt love me
i will never be enough
because what you want isnt love
its control
It's that I miss the abuse
Because I don't
But it's days like these
Dark and stormy
When the thunder rolls
And lightning flashes on the sky
Just like the day it all began
Like the small details I will always remember
That I miss the comfort
Of knowing what to expect
Because now that I'm out of it
I can't find order
Or stick to a schedule
It's like my body longs For the abuse
Because at least I knew what came next
you only need my light
when im running low
only say to smile
when my tears flow
only want my love
when it fit your schedule
only miss my dress
when you pull it off
you love me on your terms
not on what i need
i am strong
i can not be broken
i can be hit
by your cruel words
and i can stand
i can take anything
i can fight through anything
don't dive in
the waters are to deep
and you might drown
for i look like a puddle
but when you jump in
you realize that you are being
****** to the depths
of the darkest ocean
in our universe
her eyes held stars
her heart held so much love
she was young in sul
old in age
but you broke her
shattering her little heart
like she never meant anything
she probably didn't
but to me
she meant everything
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