Stars on a terrace
Loving in dark, broken in light
Teetering too far
Sacred places left in my heart
I’m caught with the monster in my head
Nostalgic for the love I never kept
The veins rebelled behind my bones
My mind going to a place
When love was a word
Not a fight that grew cold

I think I made a grave mistake
instigating this heartbreak
different paths
open hearts
life came at us way too fast

we grew tired, distant and far
good for right now was no longer enough
separated by sheets, separated by me
you were the boy with a hand clasping please
I was the girl who got up to leave

if I didn’t sit up at a quarter to three
wondering how I compared to a bottle of whiskey
maybe we’d be okay, maybe we’d breathe

if I didn’t stay awake and fell to my dreams
I could stay, being the goldfish on your cheek

to write for the sake of writings sake
is a curse in its own right
you bleed yourself til words run dry
a cruel mistress of the night

tell me are you happy with your turn of phrase
does it tick all the boxes you've hidden away
when the moon starts to sink and your eyes go to roll
mildew has swept across your very hold

so what's the sake of this story you tell yourself
the one with the prison, and guards, and belt
on this blank page you question the lies you sell
love notes to tomorrow, you think you mean well

its like the taste of blueberry bagels and low-fat yoghurt
its marginal
but its there

its like the scent of the grass at 5am
its usually not your first thought
but its there

its like remembering your name on a gravestone
you go days barely remembering
but its there

You know what ***** me up
The algorithm
It knows I’m heartbroken
And it shows me other pain stricken words
But every time I read them
I end up thinking of the love that I know I’ve lost forever
The one where he sits in heaven disappointed in me for not loving myself as much as I can
And in those moments
The hurt you caused is a pinprick

and i want to say thank you and just be with you
but the truth is i don’t nearly love you as much as you love me
and i hate that
because i want to love you
every inch of you
i run my tongue over my lips and i can remember every kiss
but its not enough
and i’ve tried to bite my tongue and push it aside
cause i want you more than life
but a part of me can’t take it
and i can’t take hurting you anymore
because a part of me does
love
you.

classify it as independence
as a water bomb burst
classify it as a lie that hasn't yet been told
hold it over your head
delicately off a silk worm
careful you don't form it into something that'll explode

shadowed by the sun
with skin uglier than hers
who says?
she says!
when her voice doesn't sing for me

outside of skin
colour means everything
the bolder and brighter
commanding to be seen

but why is it no matter how much we scream
you can't see me for the artwork i happen to be

To say you care and then walk away
Don't forget to grab an oscar en route
And hold the sour worms as a placecard
For your exceptional role as a man who sold his soul
Because it was lovely falling for you
On hands and knees
Diving head first and being scared
But you're the one who ran away
With a kiss and a **** and a goodbye hug
I didn't realise it would be the last
The last of the stares
And the last of your touch
Cause I can still feel your breath on my ear
And how can I make you understand that you changed a part of me
A person so used to coldness and regret finally found a nestegg
You
The one who said not to be afraid cause you were too
For a week felt like a lifetime
More so than anyone could possibly know
Merry Christmas, Happy Easter, Happy Anniversary, Happy New Year
But not Hanukkah
Cause we can't celebrate Hannukah

seriousness for strangers who are unlike us
but the question is wouldn't you rather it that way
the claims of a drink that entitles others to be weary
weary of us
here we go
a story sprinkled in acid and cinnamon
not just sugar alone
cause sugar melts into something sickeningly sweet
whereas us together is a taste we have yet to discover