Kristen

Mar 2015

Heavens-Rain

I know why you cry
The sun has stopped shinning
The moon no longer lights the night
I know why you cry
Those silent tears
When your not heard
And no one sees
I know why you cry
Those silent tears
When the pain inside
Overshadows your dreams
I know why you cry
Those silent tears
As you attempt to enjoy yourself
Among the crowd
Yet you feel alone
I know why you cry
Those silent tears
When the one thing
That your passionate about
Is overlooked
And not taken seriously
Your told to do this
Not that
What you want doesn't seem to matter
I know why you cry
Those silent tears
Just remember my friend
Be happy
Life is short
Find the joy in living
And don't let it go
Anything that tries to abort happiness
Take it out immediately
There is a reason to skip
There is a reason to smile
There is a reason to dance
There is a reason to show kindness
There is a reason to love
Find It
Your that reason

Mar 2015

Death-throws

Come young solider, stand your ground

I lack inspiration, when sound does not riddle the causeways of my mind
when echos bounce less around my cranium and more from my lips i find..
solace,
solace in the fact that no longer am i directed from indirect communications but more from the sound i make,
i learnt to grasp the steering wheel in both hands and turn sharp in the corners,
i learnt that without sound echoing through my ears my eyes work with pinpoint accuracy..
i never noticed the way the grass grows over old cobbles..
i never noticed the way my heart beats
the way it skips, and bleats,
i learnt not to be a sheep, but a profit,
a guider to the blind,
don't tell them I'm blind as-well
because it doesn't matter if i can see or i cant
it does not matter if what i say is truth or lies
but if the fiction of my antiquity compels you to lift your heart up
brings joy from the desolation of your mind but to the fore front of the battle field that is your life i have achieved something incredible, I've achieved peace
peace through happiness, joy through inspiration so read on!
read on young soldier,
your broken mind and battle ready battle wounds are bound too tightly by your compassion to conform
take of your bandages and read on! read forwards and on wards and strive to learn, why
why young soldier i know you've never been trained
and i know your mind is ill with discontent and i know your shoes are whittled to your socks and i know
i know how hard it is to stand with two broken legs and only the solace of that barren bare cranium to lean on
but in my antiquity young soldier
i have learnt that we are all warriors
fighters along a broken line standing our ground against greater odds then you could ever conceive of battling...
i know young solider that many will fall and die
and many will perish to broken minds and hearts and souls,
but the ones who make it through this perishable existence, the ones who fight beyond any compassion beyond any reason,
god I've met boys who will tear out each others throats with their teeth I've learnt that men are shells of creatures that have never been fully understood,
my existence has been about
nothing but fighting
and now i have reached an age where i can lay down the rifle of my words, i can leave my blunted knives to rust in a back closet i realized young soldier
the agony of your existence may seem like the end, but its just the start.
and when your reach a point in your life where you can rest,
savor it,
do not let someone tell you how to exist without your consent , do not fight a battle you do not want to fight,
stand your ground young soldier
re-reinforcements are on the way
*L.G

for a friend whose struggling... chin up bub x

#love #staystrong #support #keepwalking

Mar 2015

Lachrymose and Lies

Alive

For a moment
Climb out of that noose and come with me
Cast the razor blade away
And come
You'll see
That the eyes of youth can only imagine
A future in a week
Or two
But not a millennium
For with the gun in your teeth you cannot believe
That you are meant
For more
Than what you can already breathe
Every thud in your chest
Was made for life
A life
Well lived
Be a husband or a wife
Be an author
An artist
A creature of your own invention
A lover
A fighter
For you are needed for higher intentions
Than the tears you shed
Every night
And song
That reminds you of a time long gone
That will come again
If you just put down those meds
And come with me
Because like I said
The fumes from the car
Which you learnt to drive
For so much more you are meant to be alive

#suicide #depression #life #alive #live

Kristen Mar 2015

Untitled

The world is all at once too bright as the vernal awakes me.
I shake and shudder as I broach the air--
Spring is coming to make me restless
The ennui returns--
I try to unfold my soul, but it flails itself open haphazardly
I am mad to reach outside myself.
The sunshine begins to pervade me and I mourn the shade of winter,
But I drink in the day's luster like sweet wine,
Eagerly, despite its strength.
I beg the balance come,
Ask for something hard and cold in the midst of this mellow reverie:
For I am balance,
And without the cold,
I will become cold.
But it gives none,
None but warm contentment;
Begging me to join it in its repose.

Kristen Mar 2015

Eons

I'm so old
And so alone.

My love was born before my fears,
There when the ocean began to appear

And, my dear--

I put such a heavy thing upon you in it,
To love you like I do,

And I'm sorry,
And I don't blame you

When you say you're through.

But I'm not through.

Because
My love
My love
has lasted--
Through eons 'fore and eras past-
And hasn't died,
And nor shall I
live to see it go---

You are still a boy, I know
Together, we, too young, unfold--
I would sit and watch you grow
Until the stars come down like snow--

But you, bright man, will never know,
And why I sing the truth--
You are gone; you turn and go
Still I carry with me my love for miles---

Mar 2015

Death-throws

barbed wire birds

steel is what controls me,
steel emotions wrapped in spikes,
steel skin holding you back
steel eye hiding my vision
but  I'm growing tired of steel
I'm angry at its coldness, the grey flesh and cold heart
the agony of never being warm,
my friends are the same,
we draw our time from the fix,
lets melt ourselves down

I'm braking free
me and my barbed wire birds

I'm done sitting on the fence of angst but not being sure
if I can climb over
I'm done being a nothing following the crowd between rows
of steel and barbed wire
I'm done dancing between laser beams
and nightmare filled dreams
I'm taking my heart in my hands and running ,
Ill treat it like water slipping through my fingers and the only way to survive is by running faster.
so much faster.
Ill not let my heart slip through my fingers as my wings begin to spread me and my pack
of barbed wire birds,
our wings are made of corrugated iron folded to points
and the motion of flying stings my soul
but ill fly
you'll watch me glide
we will dive of the edge our hearts in hands
god
you'll see me fly, broken bleats from broken wings
bound together with the lust for more then to feel steel against my skin
because I'm flying northbound for warmer skies
lets glide past the the equator and through the tropics
I want to feel the heat that would melt a man

we are the hearts
we are the gods
the deity's of my minds
ill build shrines to myself just to scream
WE ARE THE HEARTS
my soul beats free as my barbed wire wings
no longer am i wrapped  in steel
Ill take you with me, swap your heart for mine
scream like banshees
a technicolor passion drives me forwards
we will lay down ourselves to show you
as you sit waltzing through your strip wire fences
Ill turn them to wings ill float so high above you..
Ill scream at the 5 am light and bring up the sun
the world is yours
I am no longer a sheep
guided by lack of sleep
we are a pack
guided by our hearts
by our love
powered by our bleeding
battered
damaged
broken
barbed wire wings

                 *L.G

massive rant...appreciate it if you told me what you thought :)

#love #inspiration #free #cold #fly #wings #breakfree

Kristen Mar 2015

My song of self

And now I Yawp--
Across the hills, over the stormiest seas and why?
I am no longer afraid!
I loafe myself, yes, and more--
I am Alive, and also
living.
What a great and tragic thing to be!
I relish my versatility--
I have power! The power to choose!
And in every moment we make ourselves---
And I choose the colors carefully
But yet they come together in a wild way
Because I am Alive!
And tomorrow, I may not be.
Oh, to be living!
And I am dying, too!
Never once before has my Pride been less of a vice
For in it
There is humility.
As I recognize the vast expanse of my own Power
I take responsibility
And lower my hands to the dirt
And my self to the ground
And examine my tread-marks.
And I will walk with a Purpose!
No more shall I pretend myself a helpless aside,
Lost in the current of my own life!
No!
I, I am responsible for my every action,
And as I move, I move us all.
(If the movement may be small.)
So small as to be unnoticeable, yes,
But what significance I have is still Significance.
And thus I walk alongside my kin and carry my morals upon my shoulders.
I. Must. Not. Back. Down!
Am I afraid of my own success?
Of course!
But I mustn't let that stop me;
For there is something at work that is
Much larger than I shall ever be--
And I am a part of it.

I do not separate myself from the system, but instead recognize my movements in it
And its movement in me.

To be fair, I have never finished reading Whitman's.

I should also note that recognizing the things that you can't control is as important as recognizing your power....