I let my arms fall like a ****** addict after his last dose
giving in to making myself feel better by sacrificing my physical body is nothing new to me
how can a ten year old girl relate to a druggie on an emotional level like he isn't her dad or anything
relatives are always there to break the thought of forgetting you aren’t as pretty as you think
have you gained a few pounds
whyd you dye your hair that color
who let you out of the house like that
does your mother look at you in the morning
doesn’t anyone else have the nerve to tell you everything you are is not good enough
you attract the wrong people
you are too emotional
too loud
too quiet
too weird
too scarred
no one cares about your problems stop shoving them down people’s throats
but somehow
I always end up the one gagging

Everything seems like its going black its a fleeting feeling pain love kindness shame any kind of emotion seems to be there for a second then its gone it all disappears so will I eventually no one is meant to live forever no one has that privilege and no one has that curse your steps seem easy to alter but only when you realize theyve been laid out ahead of you by someone else ordinary humans get to follow those steps without doubt but what happens when you stumble off the path is it over no more standards I can never achieve what if I had never even tried yesterday happiness was left on my doorstep and I spent the night thinking how it will feel to finally touch it but by morning it decomposed into something ugly reminding me of the reflection that everyone but me hates they see skin and bone theres always some extra baggage to share with a loved one just once id like someone to stay keep the forever broken promise it’s a sickening feeling as I watch them go no goodbye just surprise birthdays always made me cry I don’t celebrate getting older the older you are the wiser you are the more you know will hurt you and its unstoppable I never thought much of suicidal letters but can you imagine sitting there trying to explain why youre not breathing anymore no one will understand the calm that comes over like youre writing a novel not your last words periods and pauses mean there is time to stop unfortunately I was never given that chance