I tried to smudge your name out of the
playbill of my life, but I couldn't. Somehow,
I'd convinced everyone around me, and even myself,
at some points, that you were nothing but a mere what-if

in my life of absolutes, and I didn't miss you.
Of course, day in and day out, words and lines for unwritten poems
would submerge my thoughts deep in murky, unfiltered tubs of
darkness, and I'd find myself haunted by your existence.

I tried to get over you, but I'm a poet, and the fact
of the matter is that poets don't get over much of anything. So
I'm sorry for this facade that I've so grudgingly constructed,
but I've never been too good at saying goodbye...

..or sorry, for that matter.

I will drown out
Their ignorance
With our love

And I will down
The bread and grape juice
Thinking only of us
Drinking champagne

And as the pastor preaches
I will smile, not frown
Because all I'll hear are your sweet
"I love you's" on repeat

And I'll perk up
When I hear the world "angel"
Because I may be an atheist
And thought I have no God,
I have you
And you're **** close
To an angel

And I will stand
When the band begins to play
Because I'll be thinking of you
Strumming your guitar
Because you're a symphony
And you hush all cacophony  

There will be no tears shed
When I leave this church pew
I'll pay no mind to the fact
That I'm surrounded by people
Who think I'm living in sin

My mom thinks she's "curing"
My love for you
As I radiate in church
But it's only because I'm thinking
Of that girl with blue hair
Who's there for me
When God isn't
And kisses my lips
In public
And her gray eyes
Full of life
Block out any ugly stares
When people look at us
They see two girls kissing
But I see two humans
Deep in love
But apparently it's sin
Just because you're the same gender
As me

And those people in church must think
I'm just like them
And I suppose we at least have one thing
In common:
We'd both fight for our love

What happened to all those,
I love you's,
And I couldn't live without you's?
Are they all just gone?

I've never been one to turn a serious card over, especially only after barely a month.

Much less after four days.

Beauty and bliss
My heart is flying
Clarity and a kiss
What is this?
I'm beating my chest
With all my strength
And I'm giving my best
With all I've been
I'm not sure I can do this.
Hurt and pain
Love and hate
Man I love the hit
That comes with you
And that look in your eyes.
Just a glimmer of peace
And a pinch of rest.
I could get used to
The thumping
In my worn out chest.

I'm not wanting
Inhibitions
Or conditions
That make me hang
By a thread
I can't handle
All the scandal
Propaganda
That injects me
With such dread
I'm not ready
For addiction
Or convention
That makes me feel
Like I'm dead
I may be lost
But it's my choice
And if I'm tossed
Or lose my voice
I'll just remember
What I have said

cm

I have a lot of pictures
And notes
And quotes
Saying that we would not
Be able to live without
The other.
We wouldn't be able to function
Or handle it.

But then we had to.