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3.2k · May 2014
Jewelry
Jessica Leigh May 2014
i threw them against walls
out of a fit of anger at someone
i dont think it was you
but your bracelet hit the wall first
then my christmas present
i almost broke the new necklace's chain
because im not giving up on you
but they keep telling me im bad for you
because i know i am
despite what you say
i know i hurt you so much
and i just want to stop that
but i dont know how without
hurting myself in the process
2.8k · May 2014
Heartbeat
Jessica Leigh May 2014
I can feel the slow throbbing of my heartbeat
When I press my thumb to my accidental wound
That stopped me from inflicting pain upon my skin
It is steady, without a missing thump
A loyal metronome that reminds me
Of how powerless I am after all of this
I remember the first morning I noticed
The slowness of my heart
I was at the kitchen table the morning
After I was informed of them taking her away
I couldn't breathe and my hand clutched
At my chest, beating it to bring normality back
But it wouldn't bring back the extra beat
Everyone knows heartbeats are not
Completely consistant in keeping time
But I would like to believe she made me
Steady, rhythmic, mechanic, robotic
When they took her away
"Hey, why do you always look so sad?"
I gave the answer my brain spit out
I remember thinking it was a bad thing to say
But it came out despite all judgement
"Because I'm going crazy right now."
It wasn't a lie and it still isn't
My heartbeat is still slow and lethargic
As it pumps through my veins like iron
So, yes, I'm a little bit crazy
But that's okay, given the circumstance
Crazy beats dead, which I'm not
Even with my dying heartbeat
Out of my control.
2.5k · Jun 2014
Our Gorgeous Celery Love
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
This one's for you Miss Gray!

My love for you is like the most Gorgeous celery,
Your face reminds me of Adorable birds,
Together, we are like Chicken and ketchup.

Oh darling Anna,
My Gorgeous celery,
My Adorable carrot,
The perfect companion to my Chicken soul.

Hearts are red,
Diamonds are blue,
I like writing,
But not as much as I love loving with you!

Oh darling Anna,
Your hands are like Undescribable papers on a winter day,
You're like the most Mine doctor to ever walk Boston.

Your Adorable face,
Your ketchup soul,
Your Undescribable hands,
Your Mine doctor being...

How could I look at another when our Gorgeous celery love is so strong?

I love you Miss Gray!
I went to a song generator and this is what it gave me.
2.1k · Jun 2014
My Hurricane
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
I fell in love with a hurricane
Jessie Rowe, you asked me for metaphors
To explain the love of my life
And here you go.
My Anna was, is, always will be, my hurricane.
She entered with flashing red
Warning lights
And she blinded me.
Did you hear that?
She ******* blinded me.
I still can't see around the red
And when I told her that she blinded me
She had no clue.
She asked me what I meant.
As if I could explain.
I told her of my love of rain
And she was a down pour on me.
I felt her touch my skin
Like I did that day I cried
When he left and I couldn't help
But stand and watch him leave.
She soaked me in whatever
She was
And then gave me nothing to dry with.
I was alright with that.
It was only a slight thunderstorm
And part of me was wishing for more.

I shouldn't have tried to get closer.

No one warned me that she was a hurricane.
They just let me *****
Blindly I might add
Into the storm as they ran
Past me in the opposite direction.
How was I to know?
All I saw was her
And all I felt was her
So why should I have left with them?

Maybe I should have.

She told me that I was deeper
Into her than anyone
Had ever wanted to be before
And she told me that she didn't
Understand why.
I couldn't come up with an answer.
She was rain and lightning and wind
And I was in love at the first flash
Of thunder as it
Came over me and into my bones,
Breaking apart the constellations
Between them.
I fell in love with the way
She couldn't stand being
Destruction and strong
And with the way she cloaked me
In everything she was.
I fell in love with a ******* hurricane.
With the rain
And the wind
and the way she kissed
And the way she fell in love with me as well.
I fell in love with a girl
Who was my devil and my angel
In the same moment.

The eye of storm was supposed to clear
And beautiful in a different
Way than she already was.
And I yearned to see it.
But ****, she wouldn't let me.
She thrashed against all of my forces
And struck me with lightning made
Of her lies and then
She was gone.
My hurricane disappeared.

People always talk about
Rebuilding a city
That has been struck by too many
Girls and boys who tend to be
Associated with tropical storms.
I watched as they rebuilt
From my Anna
And the storm she was.
Many people cried.
Many people ignored her leaving
And they went about their lives.
Me?
I miss the rain.
And the wind that was her.
I miss my hurricane.

But the damage she caused me
Has me bleeding out too quickly
So I might not be around
When another hurricane arises.
1.9k · Jun 2014
Cookies
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
Big deals
They come
One time only
And she made them
Like she made cookies
From scratch on New Years
Eve for me and her father who
Took them out of the oven before
They were done and I watched
Her smile falter when he
Entered her bedroom
But I tried to make
It reappear when
It was just us
Again.

That was the way she made big deals.
1.8k · Apr 2014
They Work
Jessica Leigh Apr 2014
Who is to say that addictions won't work
When my mommy likes her marriages
When my daddy likes his *****
When my ***** likes her cigars
When my ex-stepdad likes his control
When my best friend likes his ****
When my ex likes her ***
When my arm likes its scars
And when my heart
Knows it can't live without what it does
And without you?
These people listed
Are not based on people I know
For the most part.
1.6k · Feb 2014
Stepping Stones
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
I'm alright with stepping stones
Water is my second best friend
Next to match boxes and lighters.
The moss that grows is deathly
Afraid of my feet
I make it a habit to giggle
When they run from my soles
So they know I'm coming
When and if I reach the riverbank,
A boy in my left hand and
Pens tucked behind my ears,
Paper and ink running through
My veins.
The fish will hear my foot steps
A mile out for their lack of sound
Clay crowds in on itself as I
Approach again
The water, always flowing
Stops mid-current for fear
I will find my pale blue eyes
Similar to its outer layer.
Some best friend.
But I'll return with a boy
In my left hand, pens falling
From my hair and no paper or
Ink in my idiotic blood
Ridden veins.
I'll come back to the
Fleeing fish,
Crowding clay,
Wary water,
And those ******
Stepping stones.
I've run all out of
Match boxes and lighters.
1.6k · Feb 2014
Tired
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
People always tell me that the tiredness will go away with a lot of sleep and the right date
Eight hour nights have become imaginary bliss when my eyelids are clouded by your image
I told myself that I wouldn't date because you put your hands up my shirt in a bathroom one afternoon
That didn't let me sleep
Who is to say a boy would allow that type of peace
The closest I've come to sleep was when you tried to teach me to dance
I couldn't help but laugh when you taught me to turn during a waltz
Dancing is never a dying girl's forte
This tiredness has yet to go away and I'm running out of options
Old methods of waking are failing me in a way you never have
Tiredness comes from my lack of loving you the way I want to
Your hand on my leg would always bring a nice about of rest
Sitting outside for lunch is easier for you when the circumstances call for ignoring it all

AND ACCORDING TO THEM, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH ME ANYMORE SO WE HAVE TO HIDE IT AWAY AND THIS IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE I'M JUST A PASSING PHASE AND I WANT TO BE MORE THAN JUST A NOTCH IN YOUR BEST POST BECAUSE YOU ARE MUCH MORE THAN A LINE IN A SONG AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT FOR A WRITER LIKE ME.

Apologizing is becoming a strong suit of mine
"Sorry"s keep spilling from my mouth because I want you
I'm sorry I let the tiredness eat me away a year ago
I'm sorry I want it to consume me now
I'm sorry for loving you the way I do
I'm sorry for being so tired.

But, darling.
I'm.
Just.
Tired.
1.6k · Jan 2014
Eyes
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
Let me assure you that I am aware
That eyes are eyes
Wherther blue, gray, brown, green
for they see what the nose, mouth, ears
Could never begin to fathom.
And yes, I know that many of the colors
Have been given the audacity to
Make hearts flutter to a halt
While others are reduced to acquiring
Their colors from the dullest of souls.
Everyyone can see the pigments
That have surely created the
Being before them.
Yet most are blind to see,
To notice, to care, to love
What lies beneath those
Purely captivating eyes.

Blues scatter throughout
The world we know
From the sky to the ocean
To sad old men
To new baby blankets
To old denim jeans
To new paint and pens.
They run down streets
With a glimmer of emotion
To be seen by more than
Just the blues alone.
They jump and play and skip
From the soles of their feet
To the top most fragment of
Hair on their heads.
Girl envy and swoon over the
Brightness and innocence
Of those blue eyes we see everyday.

Gray for the hardest of men
And the saddest of women,
Almost stone under their lashes
Strength radiating into the eyes
Of others as they stare back in fear.
Indentations from the old beatings,
Heartbreaks, tramas, and even love.
Hard lines of black cross through
The rough outer gray surface
To produce a wall built up
From the iris, pulled and wrapped
Around the heart and mind.
And even if you put your entire
Being into tearing, ripping, crumbling
Their wall, you'll be thrown back
Wishing you had never attempted.

Brown to melt as a new born
Wraps its hand around
A mother's finger
And to glisten when a
Student grasps their torso
Because they were saved by their teacher.
A brown that never hurts
Enough to harden, but loves enough
To smile and be strong.
A brown that is patient and
Knowing, understanding, caring.
Not because they don't know hurt
But for the idea that they've been
Hurt so as to never hurt others.
They will see things that others miss
And get to know secrets that others
Cannot comprehend of imagine.
But every secret will blow at their
Melted eyes, but they will never
Turn to stone.

Green.
To look in a mirror and see the
Trees whistling by as you look out
A car window, full of hopes and dreams.
With sky blue walls and small pictures
About older and younger sisters.
A white bed and crooked teeth
To match it in color.
No make-up,hair parted in the middle
And eyes to match her mother's.
A smile on her lips and in her milky eyes.
Then her walls turned blood red
And her teeth became straight while
Her long sleeves were clutched in her fists
And her eyes no longer brightened
At people, only at things she did.
The rest of the time, her eyes held black lines
And only melted from seeing the beauty
Of life in something other than herself.

So let me ask you,
Are eyes just eyes?
Whether blue, gray, brown, green?
Do they just see what the
Nose, mouth, ears could never fathom?
And are you sure that you are not
Blind to see, to notice, to care, to love
What lies beneath those
Purely captivating eyes?
1.4k · Jul 2014
Cliffhanger
Jessica Leigh Jul 2014
I think of all the things in the world,
The future is the hardest thing
To hold onto.
1.3k · Apr 2014
Rebuilding my Empire
Jessica Leigh Apr 2014
There are
Conclusions
Beginning made in my head
And no one sees how
They twist and bend into
Every crevice of
My
Poor
Demented
Head

But that's okay
With every shifting
Thought,
My empire rebuilds
And there will be
nothing
Any of you
Could do to
Stop me...
Not even the
Parts of me that know how
WRONG
This is...
They've come out to play
And this time
Darkness
(Or light, which they fear)
Will not creep
Along the edges of
The pages.
Black and white.
No grey.
I'm either in or out.
And being out hurts
*too
****
much...
Girlie, maybe you will
See this and understand
That I'm doing
What I said I shouldn't.
Don't worry...
I'm not giving you the chance to...
Because no one
Has ever cared
To notice that
I always shut people out...
1.2k · Jul 2014
Pretty Pretty Everything
Jessica Leigh Jul 2014
My hair my hair
Oh my pretty pretty hair
Once so shiny and fair
Simply beautiful
As I was a girl
Stuck in a world
That seemed a little too big
For my hair my hair
And the pretty pretty locks
And the pretty pretty box
They stuck me in
When my hair oh my hair
I cut it off
And lost just a little too much
For everyone else's luck
Because she cried over
My hair oh my hair
And its pretty pretty locks
But forgive me if I ask
Did she cry when they
Set me in the
Pretty pretty box
In my pretty pretty dress
With my pretty pretty cuts
And my pretty pretty scissors
That I used to cut off
My pretty pretty hair
When the world became too much?
1.2k · Jun 2014
Monday Morning Wakeup Call
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
I didn't realize
How easily the
Words
Stupid
Idiot
Worthless
*****
Fat
******
Nothing
Gross
C­ame out of
My mouth
Especially
After treating myself
Better
1.2k · Jun 2014
If I Was Your Skanky Wife
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
Oh
Yeah
mmmmmmmmmmmm

You know you love me, I know you care
Just make whale sounds whenever, and I'll be there
You are my significant other, you are my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart

If I was your wife, I'd never let you make out in the Ann Frank House
Keep you on my arm, you'd never be alone
I can be your Thigh, anything you want
If I was your wife, I'd never let you make out in the Ann Frank House, I'd never let you make out in the Ann Frank House

Girlie, girlie, girlie mmmmmmmmmmmm
Like baby, baby, baby nooo
Like girlie, girlie, girlie mmmmmmmmmmmm
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

When I met you girlie my Hamstring went whale noise
Now them Iguanas in my Neck won't stop stop
And even though it's a struggle love is all we got
So we gonna keep keep fluffing to the mountain top

There's gonna be one more Hamstring going whale noise
One more Hamstring going whale noise
One more Hamstring going whale noise

Your Spine, my biggest weakness
Shouldn't have let you know
I'm always gonna do what they say (hey)
If you need me
I'll come groping
From a thousand miles away
When you grow beards at McDonalds I grow beards at McDonalds (oh whoa)
You fly big red dragons, I fly big red dragons
Hey

Na na na, na na na, na na mmmmmmmmmmmm
Yeah significant other
Na na na, na na na, na na na mmmmmmmmmmmm
If I was your wife
Na na na, na na na, na na na mmmmmmmmmmmm
Na na na, na na na, na na na mmmmmmmmmmmm
If I was your wife

My friends say I'm a fool to think
That you're the one for me
I guess I'm just a skanky fool for my girlie

Uhh ohhh
1.1k · Mar 2014
The Conformity
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
While quite intoxicated on another Saturday night
I saw something here never seen before
Each of us falling upon this preset line
Each of us conforming into a monotonous bore
Our minds left with nothing to explore
Personal thoughts, not one more.

As I detached myself from this wretched clique
"Wait," shouted a man, "Just one more."
I turned to see a sheep, not a thing unique
My attention he failed to keep, freedom galore
My duplicated mask fell to the floor.
A follower I was no more.

Upon breaking free, all their hatred turned to me
At first a fearful sight like a rifle's bore
Non-conformity shields me best, the mental violence never rests
The rebels you cannot best, the outcasts hold something more
We have something worth fighting for
Infinite expression our minds may pour.
1.1k · Feb 2014
Mother Knows Best
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
They always tell us that mother knows best
And maybe, to an extent, they are right
But what if your mother never explained to you
That it is vital to search a boy thoroughly before
You let him kiss you on your door step
Or that you don't have to say yes every time
Your friends ask for help when they are broken?
I recall being five and looking up at my mother
And she had nothing to say when I asked her
Why God brought pain to her when she
Wanted to die even though she had all of us
When he left her on a street side crying.

Mother knows best but she told me not to love girls
She told me that grand kids needed to be born
But I am only 16 and my girl loves me
And she kisses like a devil
But, then again, I don't believe in the God
That disappeared on us when my mother lost everything.

Yes, she is supposed to guide me through life
But I can't help but wonder if my kids would
Think I know best if I didn't notice their
****** sleeves and carving board souls.

I understand that mother knows best
But she has to know first.
985 · Jun 2014
Untitled
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
Of course
There is a story behind why I have
This tendency not to trust
Brown eyed people
If you could ever call it a story
Because it's just this idea
*That every single person who
has ever killed me has had these
******* bright eyes that are green
or blue or this strange silver color
that captures my attention
and you should know by now
that I am attracted to destruction.
767 · Jan 2014
The Art of Sowing
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
Her heart was in my palm
And if I wanted to, I could break it
Because it was my new project
To repair and stitch back together
But I'm out of needles and thread
Plus, my mother never taught me to sow
But my teachers taught me to write
And maybe I can fix her heart with
Blue and black ink and some paper

I'm not exactly sure how well
It will plaster the parts back into place
But she has beautiful eyes and a kind smile
And she kisses like my devil
And I've been told my writing saves lives
Even though my own soul is shattered
So maybe I can save her heart
WIth my glue-based pen and sticky paper
But when she wants it back
I'm sure she would hand it off
To someone who can stitch with a passion
Instead of me with nothing but
Ink stained skin and a paper thin heart
744 · Oct 2014
Boredom
Jessica Leigh Oct 2014
The hardest part of you being gone
Is the fear that I'm
Never going to find love again
Because all the interest
In the world can't keep me
Captivated like you did.
They aren't unpredictable
And **** and spacey
And mature
Or anything like you.
They bore me.

They make me sleep
And all that sleep brings me
Is dreams of you.
743 · Jan 2014
Paperback Novel
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
I am a paperback novel
Sometimes my cover is damaged
You can see where they have
Opened and closed me

My name is painted on the spine
Which anyone could break

Along my sides you can see
All the lines of frustration,
Laughter, joy, feeling
A reader left on the
Outside of me

You can even tell where they stopped
How far they've gone
How far they still have left to go

I am a paperback novel
Look inside to see
I've been marked,
Dog-eared, defaced
All the lines of confusion
And realization of a reader

They will dig into my words
Wondering what I am saying
But what can I really say
That will mean anything to them

I am a paperback novel
At the end of me you'll find
Praise from all the "important" people
Yet all they do is lie
They'll day that I was great
A well written piece
But I have a hard time believing
I am worth anything

On the back you'll find
A paragraph about me
Pulling you into my story
Because every reader believes
To some extent that they are me

I am a paperback novel
I have been damaged,
Beaten and torn
By everyone who has held me

I am a paperback novel
Come and open me up
Or so long readers hurt me
Criticized and beat me
I've finally had enough
So show me how you'd treat me
Unlike all the others
This is my one last straw
Before I get a hard cover
Because you will never see
How difficult it is to be me

A paperback novel.
727 · Jun 2014
Timeless.
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
When did what I feel stop mattering.
It isn't a question if it cannot be answered.
Or if no one cares enough to.
711 · May 2014
Rational Hatred
Jessica Leigh May 2014
Reasons I'm giving myself to hate you:
You came here.
You let us let you near us.
You got attached to destruction
(Let's admit that's what I am)
And we got attached to something
We knew we couldn't keep around.
I hate you because I'm left in the ashes
Of the mess we made
By fighting fire with fire.
And I'm not stable enough
To keep my friends from dying
Like I used to try to be.
So what am I supposed to do when
I can barely keep my own heart steady
Much less hers. And his. And theirs.
With you, I was finally on common
Ground with someone.
Now I'm left being the strong one
When everyone forgets that
I was the one you kissed
And touched and loved
In a way other than sisterhood.
But no.
I'm not allowed to feel it.
Everyone else needs me to bandage
The wounds your leaving left on them.
I guess two weeks was enough
Time to get over you, in theory.
I'm finished crying over you
At least over this.
Because I'm too strong.
But my friends seem to forget
That I no longer have an outlet

And I'm bound to snap one day.
705 · Apr 2014
Exist
Jessica Leigh Apr 2014
Sometimes
You
Just
Have
To
Kind
Of
Exist
So
Maybe
One
Day
You
Can
Live.

But
I
Have
This
Urge
To
Exist
Until
My
Walls
Crash
Down.
690 · Mar 2014
Her Name is Leigh
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
Her name is Leigh
And she sleeps inside of me
I've made up lies to tell her
To get her to fall back asleep
She has a tendency to wake up
In the middle of the night
Screaming for me to join her
She's always been afraid
Of monsters under her bed.
I've learned sick lullabies to sing
Her back into hibernation
And now they are telling me
I can't sing anymore
They are trying to rip
Out my vocal chords
And Leigh just sits there
Crying her eyes out
Because she's afraid of the dark
And my skin keeps her away
From the sun
So maybe instead of singing
I will rip open my skin
Like they want to rip out my vocal chords
So she can see the light.

The piercing sound of her cry
Is what keeps me up at night
And I'm tired of losing sleep
So maybe I will try and stop singing
To her those sick little songs
But she has to stop crying
She won't stop.

I can't get her to stop.

Please make her to stop.

I've run out of sleeping pills
And there aren't enough lights
Turned on in my bedroom
To get her to stop screaming.
She's always been afraid of the dark.

She won't stop crying.

I think she has learned that
The darkness she is afraid of
Comes from inside of me.
And the darkness that blooms inside me

Is there because I can't get any sleep.

"I figured it out long ago
The dark is nothing to be afraid of
I want you to join me
So no more sleeping and
No more singing
Just rip open your skin again
Because I want the darkness out
I want you to see what I see
It's not scary.
It's glorious.
I don't want to stop crying."
*-Sincerely, Leigh
668 · Feb 2014
The Other Half
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
I cannot write poetry
Unless half the words are
Draped in doubt,
Splattered with guilt,
Shredded into grains,
Introduced to love
(Do be so bold
To think I can write
Poetry without once
Knowing love. Words
Need to at least have
MET the concept),
And murdered until  
SOMEONE
Will come along and
Weep at the sight of
Their corpse.
The other half?

Pronouns.
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
"I had figured out that my eyes were broken long before that. But that day I started to worry that the people in charge couldn't see either."
639 · Jun 2014
Dear Mister You.
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
I cannot see why you hate it so much: what I'm apart of.
All I see is the good.
Your vision is tainted with bad, but I'm not sure why.
It's not even just about this.
You always have to be right.
But no.
What I am doing is WHO I AM.
This is what I do.
And I'm tired of defending myself and
What I am apart of
Because you have no right to put it down.
You put it down, you put me down.
All I saw tonight was good.
Yes, there is bad everywhere.
But the difference between me,
The one who is recovering,
And you,
The one who keeps relapsing
For little things that could mean nothing,
Is that I TRY to see that good.
I don't look at the bad.
I see the girls who smiled tonight,
And that one boy who tried to help
Me at volleyball, where I am weak.
I don't see the anarchy that
Someone told you was there.
All I saw was love.
And I belonged there.
So no more putting it down,
At least not to me.
You will not make me unhappy
Like you tend to be.
631 · Mar 2014
I Shouldn't Read Books
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
My lips are torn to shreds; It feels like he ***** me
And it feels like I've been abandoned to live with my sister
Do I have an eating disorder and is my best friend dead?
Am I an outcast like they told me?
Did my house burn down under their bombs?
Am I actually in rehab?
Who are all these people?
What happened last Christmas?
Am I really going insane and can I write well enough to get in a magazine?
Did my family die in a car wreck and am I a ghost?
Are people born in July more stupid than those in August?

No, I really shouldn't be allowed to read.
599 · Apr 2014
That'll be me
Jessica Leigh Apr 2014
None of you have guessed that
No one has ever told me that
I will grow up to be an alcoholic.
I have told myself that because
I just want some kind of something
That is mine and no one
Will be able to steal it from me.
And addictions seem like a good way
To go about that.
Jessica Leigh Apr 2014
There are pieces of writing out in the world
That say that you should start starving yourself
Or you should start working hard
To hate your "fat" body, by everyone else's definition.
I've read these types of inspirational pieces.
They make me want to stop eating
And they make me want to purge
And they make me hate my body like I always have.
They say that day one, this won't be a battle.
I will be skinny and beautiful and gloriously...
Bony, emaciated, hungry, angry, lonely, cold...
But pretty.
"Day one starts today" they say.
"Imagine day 30, when all the boys whistle.
Day 52 of people asking if you lost weight
Day 69 of being someone else thinspo
Day 100 of being gorgeous."
I've never wanted to be skinny.
At one point, I wanted to starve and
Be just like that,
But I came to the point where I decided
I was sad enough without another disease
On my stomach and in my head.
There are too many scars on my body
And I've tried so hard to stop
Putting more on my skin bag,
But I find it hard, so I turn to these
Pro-eating disorder inspirational pieces.
And I change the words.

Day one starts today.
Imagine day 10 and not breaking
Even though you really want to.
Imagine day 21 when you reach
Six months with that special girl
And you are still clean.
Imagine day 30 when you can tell
Her that you are a month clean again.
Imagine day 43 of smooth skin.
Imagine day 100 of smiling
Because you aren't killing yourself.
Imagine day 331 and reaching
The two year mark from when
You started and now you are done
With all of the torture.
Imagine day 365
When you can look in
The mirror and say,
"I made it a year."
Imagine day 730
When you can say,
"I made it two years."
Imagine your wedding day
When you can say,
"I made it out and I wouldn't
Be who I am
With out you."

Remember, Jess:
You. Are. Worth. Fighting. For.
587 · Jan 2014
I've Known Them
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
I've known every type of person
Who has ever roamed this Earth
Known every beaten, broken, dead girl
Known every happy, brilliant, innocent boy
I may have never seen their eyes
But I've know them, none the less

I've known smiles and laugh lines
Of an old mother looking at her son
Known the sparkle in her eyes
Know the desparation in her hugs
No, my mother was never like that
But, all the same, I've known her

I've known bruises and black eyes
Of an abused five-year-old girl
Known the hatred for her father
Known the love that is still buried deep
I was never hurt like she was
But I still feel like I've known her

I've known church bells and crosses
Of a preacher long since his calling
Known his sermons and hymns
Known his passion as he spoke to the church
No, I've never believe in God
But I've known the preacher of his word

I've known ledges and pill bottles
Of a teenage boy who can't handle it anymore
Known the willingness to jump and swallow
Known the unwillingness to do so
I've never done the same as him
But I just know that I've known him

I've known music and lyrics
Of an unknown rock band
Known their words as they wrote
Known their soul behind every piece
No, I've never seen them live
But their music says I've known them

I've known cuts and razors
Of an unaccepted middle child
Known the tears she cries at night
Known the fear of being caught
I have never known that fear
But I'm confident that I've known her

I've known every type of person
Who has ever roamed this Earth
Known all the lovers, abusers, preachers
Known all the killers, players, cutters
No, I am not like any of them
But maybe that's why I'm so lost.
582 · Jan 2014
Silky Red and White
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
Silky white and unstained
Patches of life and death
Quilted together to create
What you hide under
In fear and hatred and love
The fabric you've torn
In anger and lust and shame
All the same it is stitched
To pieces and broken
To a whole while you
Continuously struggle
With who you have become

Your nails claw and curl
Around its base and you
Crinkle it down until it
Resembles your thoughts
And you crush it down
Like everyone does to
The hearts of innocent
Girls and boys just like you

Silky red and purely stained
Patches of life and death
Etched together to ******
What you hid under
In fear and hatred and love
The fabric they tore
In anger and lust and shame
All the same it is weaved
To pieces and broken
To a whole while they
Continuously struggle
With what you have done to yourself.
579 · Feb 2014
Guess What It Is Called
Jessica Leigh Feb 2014
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I'm sorry for the shortness, Anna.
And I'm also partly sad
That there is a word between you and I
But, if there had to be a word,
I'm immensely glad it is love.
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
Lately I found myself criticizing (criticizing )
Been dreaming about you a lot (a lot)
And up in my head I'm your significant other (significant other)
But that's one thing you've already got.

You're insecure,
Don't know what for,
You're turning heads when you attack trees with baseball bats,
Don't need make-up,
To cover up,
Being the way that you are is enough.

Girlie, you light up my world like nobody else,
The way that you watch law and order and be paranoid gets me overwhelmed,
But when you sing old Disney Channel theme songs in my shower it ain't hard to tell,
You don't know,
Oh, oh,
You don't know you're insecure,
If only you saw what I can see,
You'd understand why I want you so desperately,
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,
You don't know,
Oh, oh,
You don't know you're insecure,
Oh, oh,
That's what makes you insecure.

I've tried playing it cool,
But when I'm looking at you,
I can't ever be grotesque ,
'Cause you make my heart gulp.

One way or another I'm gonna sing old Disney Channel theme songs in my shower,
I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you.
One way or another I'm gonna attack trees with baseball bats,
I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you.

It feels like I'm constantly criticizing ,
'Cause I can't compete with your significant other,
She's got forty two peacocks .
Song Generator again
568 · Jun 2014
Stop.
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
Let me ******* explain something to you!
Stop with your sorrys because they don't mean anything!
And you all know they never have!
Let me explain that
Yeah
She was your
Sister
Best friend
Section member
Ex- lover
Band kid
Student
Friend
Team member
Classmate
But ******
She was my girlfriend.
She was the person I loved.
Who I still do love.
So
*******
STOP

Acting like I have no reason
To be upset
That she is gone.
564 · Jan 2014
Envy
Jessica Leigh Jan 2014
Collar and hip bones
Thigh gap and skinny wrists
Concave stomach
Boney ankles
It's okay to envy
Your best friend.

Straight teeth
Happy eyes
Wavy brown hair
And an iris to match
I don't see anything
Wrong with
Liking her better.

No scars on her skin
A troubled past
With few sins
A family who loves
She has so much more
Than I ever could

But she has me
To be an example
Of what to never do
Stay stong and
Always know that
She needs you too.

But you believe
Ther is no reason
For her to envy you too.

But there is so much
You know that she
Never could...
560 · Sep 2014
Traffic signs
Jessica Leigh Sep 2014
You badbadbadgirl
I know how wrong you have done
And you won't stop
stop
stop




stop.
You think you are right
Badbadbadgirl
When all you cause is hell.
Hell on wheels
With your hurricane at your side.
Wrongbadstupiduglybitch
badbadbadbadbad
You have done too wrong.
And there is nothing I can say
To get you to
stop.
558 · Mar 2014
I Do Love Her
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
She was beautiful
In just who she was
In the way I thought her eyes might shine and glow
In the way that I tried to draw her but it didn't come out right enough
In the way that I imagine her perfectly and she proves me wrong
In the way that she is more than perfect
In the way that she is not really perfect
In the way that she was perfect for me

I loved her in the way
A cat loves the warming sun
The rain loves the wind
A pen loves its ink
A best friend would ask for love metaphors
A piano loves hands of all kinds
I was not taught to love because she deserved to be loved better
In that way, I guess

I fell for her
Hard and deep
And I'm sure she won't believe it when I tell her
That I want her
Even if I can't kiss her all the time
Like I really want to
Even if I act stupid and spacey
Even if she is an ******* sometimes
I want her

I don't do this enough
But I love her
And I want everyone to know
I want to hold her hand
And hug her
And kiss her
Like she deserves
I want to tease her
And make her laugh
And see her smile even when she's upset
I want to tell her it will all be okay
And for her to not believe me
And to childishly say
"How do you know?"
And for me to reply
"I know because I'm always right"
And for her to grab my hand
Before I leave
I want her
I love her.
I can't let her forget that.
557 · Apr 2014
Sleep with me.
Jessica Leigh Apr 2014
Can we just sleep together?
I don't mean sexually.
I mean can I lay next to you
And feel you next to me
While we talk until one
Of us cannot keep our eyes open
And we fall asleep to
The sound of one another
Breatgung?
Can we just sleep together?
It doesn't have to be ******.
I mean, it doesn't have to be ******.
I just want to close my eyes
At night knowing I will
Wake up next to you.
I haven't slept well in months
And, if you, or my heart, would
Have let me,
I would have slept on your
Bed instead of kissing you
On it.
There is a certain amount
Of rest that I get with you
That I can't find in my own sheets.
I'm just begging for
A little bit of sleep
Just as long as you sleep with me.
541 · Apr 2014
Car Ride Thoughts.
Jessica Leigh Apr 2014
Sitting and watching beauty pass me by
Had always been a simple task
When it came to beautiful music
And trees that acted like knives against
The blue and white sky that
Made sense in my eyes at the time
But the edges of the trees,
Toward the bottom, of course,
Had a tendency to be cut off by
Glass and the material her
Dash board was made if
She threw ice at their trunks
Who ever told her about their love of cold?
Who could when the love never existed?
I lost sight of the oak trees
I climbed before her demons took
Over what I knew of her and myself
The blue and white of my pure sky
Vanished behind red, the color
Of some adolescent's blood
And a grey shade of hatred
Brought by a lover's dead eyes.
The needles of the branches
Cowarded behind the idea that
Her type of winter could never come
Until the thrashing wind was
Knocking against the glass and
The dash board froze over
With too many diamonds and rubies.
Sitting and watching her destruction
**** all I'd ever loved in my world
Had always been a simple task.

Until the glass came shattering in.
500 · Jun 2014
Old Poems
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
There are these
Old poems
Dedicated to
This one boy
Who
For about a week
Made my heart
Stop with
Nervousness

Not the kind that
Makes you want to
Dive in head first.
No.
It was more of a
Shaking feeling
That I didn't
Understand to be love.
But I guess it was
At least back then
Before the
Silence
Followed me there too.

He had a charming way
About him
That made all
Of the girls fall in
Something like
Love.

It was nice to
Know a man like him.

I remember his eyes
When he told me
He loved me
And there was nothing
I could do to
Change that.
And his embrace.
The memory is empty
To me now.
But I know
What his arms
Felt like around me
That one time it
Felt
Right.
484 · Sep 2014
Cliffhanger part 2
Jessica Leigh Sep 2014
"The future is even harder to hold onto
When you have no chance of living it."
-Anna Gray
482 · May 2014
Worrisome Thoughts
Jessica Leigh May 2014
Maybe it is just my
Contorted mind
But every time I think
Of *** with a man
I think of pain
And crying with screaming
Alongside ****** sheets
And torn shirts
With my own demented
Version of my reflection
Underneath yelling
Only in my head
Oh dear god make this stop
With grunts in my ear
And sweat that is everywhere.

It hurts.
So I'm sorry.
My answer is still no.
I didn't mean
For all of this
To be my fault.
476 · Mar 2014
Tides
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
I never liked the ocean
And I wish
They could
Understand that
But it's hard to convince
Them when I let
Myself drown
In this mess.
470 · Jun 2014
Be My Daisy
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
You look so beautiful to-night
My angel
Your lips curve and I'm mesmerized
By the way they seem to make my
Name seem important
Even when I've fallen for the way
"I love you" slips off of my tongue
At first glance
I like judging books by their covers
Because, ****, you have your life
Written in your features
And I haven't seen that in someone
Recently and when the abnormal
Mind sees that in a normal person,
They become attached.
You must know Gatsby
And by God you noticed the reference
Will you marry me now?
I would throw out my precautions
For a girl who could
Recognize a quote
From Gatsby and ****, a
Girl who looks just like you.
You're extravagant and
I can't keep my eyes off of your
Everything
Will you be my Daisy?
Will you cuss like a lady when you
Have me at your lips
Because I can't keep referencing
That ******* book
When I'm out of options.
I just had to say you are very
Lovely to-night
And I miss you
But pictures will have to do, my angel.
Be my Daisy?
466 · Apr 2014
Finally
Jessica Leigh Apr 2014
My makeup started running
This is why you never wear it
No, this is why you never cry


My cheeks turned red
This is why you don't need blush
No, this is why you seem so shy


My hands started to sweat
This is why you never wear gloves
No, this is why you keep to yourself


My heart started racing
This is why you never let anyone near
*No, this is why you let someone
Get to know you.
462 · May 2014
Routine
Jessica Leigh May 2014
It's become
Routine
To walk alone
Down the freshman
Hallway on b-days
And to have
An empty seat
Where you should
Be during band.
I wonder if she
Makes note
Of your empty
Seat in her class.
I know your
Friends are still
Angry,
But they don't
Show it to me
As much anymore.
I'm still the one
They blame.
It's become
Routine
To wake up
Every morning
And swing the
Pendant of my
Necklace around
To the front and
To pull the chain
Until it is in
Its place.
Because we are
Playing this
Out right for once
And I can't help
But be sad
At the idea
That when I fix
This chain
You stop thinking
Of me.
450 · Jun 2014
Decorate
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
I've been doing so well
But I have this urge
That someone
******* someone

Implanted in me
That makes me wish to
Turn my new white bed frame
Blood red
443 · Mar 2014
Not
Jessica Leigh Mar 2014
Not
She loves me
She loves me n...
No.
She love me
And there will
Never be a not
To follow
Those words
Because she
Would burn
All the other
Flower petals
Except for the
One in my hand
To make sure
I never doubt
The absence
Of that not.
442 · Jun 2014
Second degree burn
Jessica Leigh Jun 2014
I kept screaming
And I couldn't stop.
Something is wrong with me.
I burnt my hand
And screamed at the top of my lungs.
I took four breaths
And just kept screaming.
I haven't felt release
Like that in my lifetime.
And I recall
Trying to choke it back.
I tried to stop screaming.
And when the screaming stopped.
And the sobbing began.
All I could say was
I'm sorry.

Something is wrong with me.
I'm demented.
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