get it out of your head
she says.
everybody knows i can't follow directions. everyone knows my bruises & my freckles; in fact, they know the parts of my body better than i do.
take your own advice
she says.
the rhinestones on her eyelashes are distracting. i keep thinking
they are going to fall into her eyes
but she knows this too
she knows about my ear piercings
she knows they are closing up.
you're such a *******
she says.
you're so ugly. you're stupid
she says.
i sympathize with hairy arms. i sympathize with her jawline. it doesn't mean anything in the end
except maybe that i cared a little too much
about things like crawling bees. or liquor stores.
i found your third grade notebook. you're embarrassing
she says.
we hold hands & in the process our bodies melt into each other
my right,
her left.
i feel her veins against my own. she is not very strong. she is all ribs & fat & cartilage.
sometimes i want someone else to walk beside me. she comes out of my body when no one else is around
we take the bus downtown. nobody notices
we are conjoined.

like the ones who know me best
are the ones who don’t know me at all

like i’ve been staring
at this mirror for
so long that i
can’t remember what i’m
looking at anymore

how much better is it,
do you think,
to be who we are now
instead of who we were?

it is beyond me how a neighbor’s dog breaks all four of its legs. once, in looking at the smallness of my life, I dismantled my son’s dollhouse and told my daughters of the storm that didn’t wake them. I still learn in the church of the death I was taught by. I have my health and the healed their amnesia. do you see this ******* dog? and now for my previous trick.

and, beheld, she imprisoned the god
seen by those it changed

abuse has no before,

no after.

small windows for unfeeling birds.

she's searching for god
in all the wrong ways
kissing men and bottles
turning her home into a brothel
staying up till dawn
chanting his name instead of
god's
she's looking for redemption
and a way to let go
she's looking for god to forgive her
but instead she begs for you
to touch her and love her
and make her feel complete
she wants a godly love
you can't compete
she's looking for god
in all the wrong places
in broken homes and
raging fires she's
looking for god in the
ugliness and the daze
something to **** the haze
she's looking to start over
to get rid of the guilt and fear
but she'll run as fast as she can
whenever god comes near
she doesn't realize it but
it's not men or god she needs
it's forgiving herself
which is something so high up on the shelf
she just can't reach

suicide took the person she was named during.

I am old, here. a klutz abstaining from revelation.

bald as any
lover
of maps.

don’t ask me if i could love you
don’t you see?
i not only could
but i do
i do so fearfully and honestly
if you asked me
how in this woven basket of a world
could i manage to rest beside you
and not wish to see
what lies beyond the wicker
i would have nothing to say except
that the air beneath this blanket
is plenty breathable
to me.

i still don't know what
i'm trying to say
like dissecting a frog
in 1500 ways
looking for different yellow parts
that piece together like
a baby's first breath
like touching yourself
with your other hand
and pretending it's someone
else
maybe i feel ordinary
because i've never made love
or ******
under the volcanic ash
of someone's dark
body
never let anyone
park inside
the yellow lines
that trace my body
like ridges in
the earth
like gaps in
time that i cannot
take back
i have no idea what i'm
trying to say like
boxed wine
and a kiss from a girl
at 7 am
on third floor north
hall in college
like slicing people
into their better halves
and accepting them
like the way time is  
supposed to heal
but doesn't
i still don't know what
i'm trying to say when i think
about uncle tyger's voice
rewinding time
like green grass on
the park that day
like war and sand
like hot air and forgiving
i still don't know what
i'm trying to say
when i see myself
shedding my skin
like spring in heat
evolving like the best
portrait
of human nature
i'm not afraid to be
caught loving you
in the harsh elements
even though
i still don't know
what i'm trying to
say