People ask me
where I get the courage
to do the things I do
like jump down 5 flights of stairs
or juggle knives
or run through rush hour traffic
but they don't know
That I wouldn't mind
if things went wrong
sometimes

**I hope they do

I haven't written much since you left

grocery lists, some reminders maybe?

"Feed dogs 11:30 am"

" 1 carton milk
a dozen eggs"

A couple of Christmas cards

"To my dearest brother
have a merry Christmas"

It seems the beauty in my words

left with you

I filled out a few forms at the doctors

"Name:
Age:
Address:
Contact #: "

But the words weren't beautiful like before

the world lost its color

vibrant reds, yellows and blues

reduced to blacks whites and grays

but I'm still waiting

waiting for it all to come back.

Do you remember?
because I do.
that day when you spoke
the three words
that brought me to tears
breathing heavy
heart beat racing.
hands shaking

I love you

Do you remember?
because I do.
that day when you spoke
the three words
that brought me to tears
breathing heavy
heart beat racing.
hands shaking

*I'm leaving you

Do you remember
last year when you thought I'd become an alcoholic
you thought that I'd kissed a bottle more than I did you
thought that the heat and the sting felt better to me
than the warmth and comfort of your touch
you thought that I'd get lost in loops of days and nights
of bottles and flasks and you feared
with all your heart that you would lose me

So I stopped drinking

and then you left.
and you took with you all the best parts of me
all the parts that mattered, that kept me sane
left with you in the back pocket of your light blue jean shorts
tucked inside an envelope labeled "Stable"
after you left it all went rickety
like shabby old doors barring paths to rooms
I hoped would never open again
rooms that kept behind the demons you helped me hide
demons we knew we couldn't destroy so we learned to live
with them just sitting, listening. Waiting. and now you've left
they're breaking out. In hordes they come
screaming out pent up curses waiting for my blood
and the is no beverage strong enough that
can take your taste from my lips
or numb my fingers from your touch
or blur my mind from your memory
or burn your soul from my body
now there is only me
and this empty bottle