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dad left
for his second tour of duty
on my third birthday

mom kept
a jar full of jelly beans
on the living room coffee table

every night
she gave me one to eat, saying
"when these jelly beans
are all eaten up,
dad will come back home"

sometimes
i would sneak another,
to help dad come home sooner

one night
the phone rang
and i watched mom
wipe away a tear
as she filled
the jar
back
up
On this Remembrance Day, I think of all those who have served, with a special thought for Dad.  And though she has no medals, I also think of Mom; every tour of duty Dad went through, she went through too, taking care of us on her own.

*** Edit: Thank you for all your kind words!  Due to a recent outpouring of sympathy, I feel it necessary to clear up the fact that my dad did in fact make it home from this mission; his tour had simply been extended for an additional 3 months.  Still, it isn't easy being part of a military family - and that's what I meant to show. ***
 Nov 2014 Kayla Jennings
axr
I don't know how many of my brothers have died
I never met them
Everything draws away
the rivers shrink into the sea
the oceans into the sky
is this what it's like when you die?
When your eyes are shut but the light carries on
and you drink up the night after
swallowing the sun,
does everyone come to this end?
And in the day that you're born when
the sound of those shadows take form will you
know who and where you
are at?
 Nov 2014 Kayla Jennings
M
We should just kiss like real people do-*
It's fine if your lips are chapped from the cold ones before me,
And mine are a bit too tight from all the times I've tried to save face.
We might bump noses or hit teeth,
I might laugh and you might blush.
Maybe your hands might shake,
And maybe I'll be too nervous to keep your gaze.
There won't be fireworks or an orchestra to set the mood,
And that's all fine by me so long you just kiss me like real people do.
Hozier' new album is obviously on my mind. I also have gravitated more towards what's natural rather that the grandiose expectations of what people should be and do. We all have these checklists and one day it hit me that maybe I don't even make my own cut. I know my worth and I don't sell myself short, I know what I want and I know what I don't. I also know that humans are imperfect, and having a "checklist" won't lead me to anything but disappointment because I won't meet anyone who can be everything. Rather, I just want to meet someone who understands that we're all wandering around trying to figure it all out and be honest rather than put on a show. I want realness over a perceived perfection.
Plastered to the atmosphere
Breathing in my almost fear
Of being lost or being here
Or being the cry I've begun to hear
When I've become dust in the stratosphere
When the sun expands and burns away
A million cells of human display.
Like the H from two O
All my senses begin to go.
I'm the afraid and lost
That comes with the daunting cost
Of my life unraveled
Like a galaxy untraveled.
I've fallen into space.
I've finally found my place.
I'm nothing in a galaxy of existential being
Not worth hearing. Not worth seeing.
Just a little star dust
Cast out from the sun
But life broke my trust
And the universe won.
--Emily Rutledge
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