It scares me
The things I like about you
...The parts I'm not quite sure about
You're imbedded in my head
Name on replay
We make sense
But it's not a good combination
How do I know I'm not just settling?
What if, someone else is
Out there
Who I might overlook
Miss out on
Because I chose you
How do I know it's what I want?
Don't make this easy,
I crave the chase
But I don't know how to commit

You're depressed.
You say I'd know.

You're depressed you say.
I'd know.

People whisper when they walk
I hear them
Thoughts, secrets under their breath
Opening themselves up to the world
Because they think no one is listening
They hum, the brave ones sing a tune
Muttered memories
They didn't intend to share aloud
And I hear them

you find your place in surfboard suburbs
moving in circles
and you are water
existing in multiple different states
only one of which is mine--
Virginia

tap my shoulder turn me around
slide your chair a little closer
let me listen for a while
lean your head into mine
and don't look away
speak of your sorrows
of your trouble filled worries
don't go away for the night
check in don't check out
please don't mention going
You'll be gone forever

A tongue stamped tatooo
Branded deep behind her teeth
A name to swallow

Some kind of joy
I saw in that elevator girl
like no other creature before
she had an ice cream cone
rocky road
marshmallow chocolate nut
chunky toothy grin
she found her happy place
on an elevator
with an ice cream cup
from baskin robins
it was large
at least three scoops
she laughed
elevated
spirit and body rising up
the levels
forget the rocky road
she was going
up
up
up

When you're so sick of pills
You think you might need pills
To fix the pounding, the pulsing of your brain
You're so sick
The treatment hasn't worked in years
And you say you're dead inside and out
Get therapy, kid
Get help
Gosh just get with it

She said it happened this week
Doesn't remember the day
The night
The events leading up
She said it was in his car
He didn't force her
They didn't stop
She said they won't talk anymore
It won't happen again
She said they don't talk anymore
She said she's been passive before
Not like this
She doesn't care what they say
What they do
What they want
She remembers the drive home
The days that followed
She said it was only one time
He liked her
He cared about her
She said she believed it
She said she's okay








She said not to tell

It starts over every night
You have to warm up to me
Er, I have to warm up to you
Same room
Different days
You're happy
You shut down

It starts over every night
You have to warm up to me
Come back
I don't know you
You're in the same room
You're never really here

It starts over every night
You have to warm up to me
I learn something new
The ice starts to soften

It starts over every night.

Okay, sure I left
We did agree to talk
maybe empty words?
I'm not hurting
or falling apart
But we can still speak
pleasantries?
I'm not gone forever you know

drawn in
breathed out
whispers
hush, shhhh
creep around the corner
inhale
hit the wall
held tight
soft steps
heavy heart
weighed down
back pressed
hard building
barriers
walk away
brisk pace
gloomy alley
drip drip drip
worn walls
sewer water
creep around the corner
hush, shhhh
murky puddle
sneak a peak
creep around the corner
inhale
exhale
don't look away

I danced with a boy
he was cute
I didn't care
he had forgotten my name
I had met him only once
he thought he was cute
he thought I would care
I danced with a boy
we danced around topics
I didn't care
he fell in love with every dance

I don't think I have ever known a love so sincere
With every passing day I find life a little brighter
Its definitely the people
The atmosphere
The opportunities around me
I don't think I have ever known a freedom like the state I'm in now
I don't even have to try
I fit
And I don't think its ever been like this before

I don't know if it's the caffeine
That sunk into my system
Or if it's the thought of you
That's stuck inside my mind
But I can't find rest
My heart keeps going
I can't keep up
Days blur
Hours fade
Seasons start
And I'm too awake to take it all in

He was a glow in the dark star
Soaking up my love all day
Taking it in
Until night came
And he sent back
all of my love from the day
In a matter of minutes
the plastic star went dark

If the sky is crying I will too

I hate my name
I hate the way he says it
With so much ferocity
I hate the way his tone tears me down
I hate the way he says my name
The way it sounds separates my body
From my mind
I hate the way it feels
I hate how my name destroys me
It keeps me in my place
I hate the way it traps me
I hate how I can be stable until my name fires out of his mouth
and I am knocked to the ground
I don't know who I am
I hate the way it feels
He takes away my being
Each time he says my name
And I hate it

You burn
I burned
Baby, I'm the sun
and your skin is drying out
Your flesh can't handle me for long

Let's take on the world
I'm tired of feeling sorry
I'm not anymore

We still aren't talking
And that's ok.
I don't like it
But I tried to fix things
I wonder what you now think of me
...Maybe it's best I don't know?
Maybe you don't want to be reminded
Of me
But what do you think of
When you play the CD I gave you for your birthday?
I wonder
Did you throw it out?
I doubt that
You loved it
You even told me so
Now I guess I have no choice left
But to believe I venture into your mind when you drive, with music playing loud
So yeah, we aren't talking
But that's ok

There we were, all three of us
With triangle flags proudly flying team colors: red alternating with black, hung above our heads

The sky displayed a golden overcast and 90's glow, we immersed ourselves in the misty chlorine rain, created out of sunset teenage days, we indulged in the vintage filtered vibes that were formed of summer storms,

We remained treading in fluorescent blues until the leftover orange, lemon-yellow, and soft peach colors of the afterstorm flooded into the foggy pool,

...and there were chapped lips--cinammon sweet, water-worn fingers, and stinging red eyes hidden behind Ray Bans.

Their daydream smiles were two weeks behind, brimming with nostalgia of a previous decade

...

I miss them like spring--they're already gone, don't they dare to linger on me like afternoon heat, causing glassy water to absorb a fading season's warmth

But soon evenings will go cold and the afternoon air will turn to college sweatshirt nights, and a fleeting season that can never exist will leave me behind, even though I don't want it to...

(Babe, your summer lasts a year longer than mine ever will)

Why don't you ask?
(Not that I want you to.)

I'm not so good
At sweet sympathy
I see your crestfallen face
My darling, desolate heart
My soul cries out for you.

Though I try,
My attempts are veiled by
An apathetic mouth that betrays
An empathetic mind
My feeble attempts at comfort
Are overshadowed
By your natural solicitude
And concern for my steady stream of
"Problems"
I ache to be there for you
But once again, I am reminded
Of my extensive shortcomings

And suddenly I've done it again
...it's always about "me"

Judge me.
Judge me so hard
Yeah, Maybe your face would be
Full of disgust
And hatred
But at least then...
You'd be looking at me
With a face full
Of raw emotion
And energy
No matter how negative
It may be
So judge me
Judge me so *hard

He told me point blank:
"Oh, I'm not just anyone"
Stupid. I listened

Throw me away
like a bowling ball
Literal dead weight
Taking up space

Best friends.
Boyfriend?
No.
Strangers.

I sobbed
It wasn't pretty
Like you once said I was

I can break you in an instant
But you destroyed me over time

We were incompatible
Oil and water that wouldn't mix
But we still managed to get shaken up

So yeah, I'm gone
But you're the one who left

How many hearts do I have to break before I feel complete?

I didn't think that
You would ever come around
But I'm glad you did

What's next? She asked
A wicked smile sliding into place

She was a viper
A wild thing
Bright eyes alert
Sinking fangs into sinking hearts
Her victims unexpecting

A (black) widow by choice
Devouring men for breakfast
What's next? She asked
Ready to strike

She had alterior motives
A variety of self serving angles
Oh, she's a killer

She's destructive in nature
Skilled at creating chaos
An unnatural disaster,
Why can't you look away?

She's your saving grace
When you're hanging from a cliff
Oh, how she loves to watch them fall!
Who's next? She pleaded

She's jealous of me
No, not jealous
I sound condescending
Let me try again
She meant it as an insult
Fully knowing how it sounded
Like a sick compliment
But she meant it of course
And still it stung
She works tirelessly
Oh, how could I forget
I try, sure, she says
At the last minute
So yes, I'd say she's jealous
Though I'd never really mean it

Come bounce back to me
Can't we please connect again?
It's your turn to serve

Micromanage
Micro---(soft)
Telescope for viewing
Possibilities endless

Limitations.
Degradations.
...feeling microscopic

They exploded
Bursting and booming
Popping with color
Their smiles lit each other up
Etching their imagine into the air
They caused an uproar
A dynamic duo burning out
Living fast, lovers star crossed
They devoured the dark
They tore the sky apart
Leaving only smoke in their wake

How would you feel if I grabbed hold of your hand?

Or if we screamed so loud to your favorite band?

Would you want to watch sunsets or Netflix with me?

Which do you prefer, math or history?

I could go on, but it wouldn't matter