My knees weaken when I see you
half smiling lips and wine soaked breath
I am still faithful
a shadow, shadow that walks
without body
without a solid shape
I turned to God once, ideally,
my mouth forming prayers I'd saved
for you
muttering malice into the nothingness
etching memories the way they etch gravestones
a black crayon and blank paper,
pressing hard and hoping
that the colours will somehow
bloom into meaning
Godless, knees shaking
a single handshake and I am
crucified