I am bruised

but not broken,

and with time,

I will heal these wounds

one by one,

and reject you the power

to ever leave

me like this

again.

-k.w//hearts still beating

And when I believed
that no one could ever fix me
and make me feel whole again,
he did.

And when tears were
streaming down my cheeks
and I thought no one would ever
lift my face towards the sun,
he did.

And when I shouted words
that no one understood
and everyone eventually stopped listening,
he still did.

And when I finally
felt unstoppable
and like I had the world at my fingertips,
and no one could ever take that away from me,

he ******* did.

-k.w// He Did

I will hold onto you
because you bring a certain light
to the world
that I don't think
can be found anywhere else.
And with a light
that makes even the brightest
of suns envious,
it'd be a shame to do anything
but hold on.

-k.w//Hold On

But I don't want to go home
because home is a pair of arms that
don't want to hold me.

I'm better off in solitude,
making friends with my bedroom walls and dark thoughts.
Because unlike you,
they are always there.

to love me is
to love a hurricane—
i won't leave until
we're in ruins.

-k.w//hurricane

I am tangled hair
after long drives
on hot summer
afternoons with the
windows down, stuck
in that timeless moment
when you can't
help but smile
because you know
that you're free.

I am the freckles
scattered across the
backs of my
arms and hands that
make up hundreds
of tiny constellations—
all complex,
all imperfect,
all beautiful.

I am the song
that takes you back
to that simplistic moment
after your junior year
of high school—
the one that you
haven't listened to
in years, but
still remember
every word like it's
the back of
your hand.

I was never put here
on accident.
I am no mistake.

-k.p//i am

I didn't go to school.
My bones ached too much,
and sitting up in bed alone took up all my energy.
My eyes still burn from last night
when I cried and cried and cried.

I am ruining him.
I don't think he even notices,
but I see him slowly starting to wilt
a little more within everyday.

I can't leave him.
He's my life and I am his,
but I don't want to be the reason he wants to end his
in the end either.

This battle is too hard.
I don't have the energy to fight.
I can't get out of bed.

i'm the reason
you ran so far
from god but
i don't think he
was ever here to
start because
you wore a cross
around your neck
and it never meant
a thing when you
had me tangled
in your sheets

and i don't care where
i end up after this life
because you left me
in a state of hell the
second you said
hurting me meant
nothing when the
only forgiveness
you need is given
by someone
i can't see.

-k.w//i can't remember the last time i saw god

I scratch out your name
that's written in the back of my mind,
but as I flip through the pages,
I find that you're all that's there.
Just your name,
our memories,
and my broken heart.
Because as I've found out,
I can rip out all the pages,
and burn all of what we had,
but your name will still be engraved
in the back of my mind,
stitched deep into my heart,
and hollowed into my soul.
I don't want to write about heartbreak anymore,
but every line comes back to you.

-k.w//I Can't Seem To Let You Go

I got drunk
in attempt
to drown out these
thoughts of you.

You came back
the next morning
in the form of a
headache.

-k.w//i escaped you, but only for a night

Your presence still haunts me,
and there are still pieces of you that I find
within every waking moment.
I don't know why I find myself
writing only about you.
I remember when you wrote about me too,
but the good times are slipping away from my mind,
and soon all I'm left with
are the harsh words you threw at me before you left.

And now, I guess it's clear
why you're all that comes to mind when I write.
Because if I don't have you down on paper,
I suppose I don't really have you at all.

One day,
I'll be able to walk on my own two feet,
and I'll be so strong at that point
that I won't even remember
you being the reason
I couldn't get off the ground in the first place.

And it's as if every kiss he planted
was supposed to make up
for the bruises he left on my body-
as if every "I love you"
was supposed to make up
for all the times he said
no one else would.

Slowly, these cuts will turn to scars
and his shouts that echo
through every bone in my body
will become nothing more than
a persistent hum in the back of my head.

I've convinced myself that
he took everything from me,
but I have so much strength
resting in my bones.

-k.w//I'll Come Back Stronger

And if words could find a way
to possibly convey exactly what it is that I'm feeling,
then your body would become a temple of inked love songs
and sappy heart felt poems.

And if words could find a way
to possibly convey exactly what it is that I'm feeling,
I'm afraid I would never stop talking,
and I would fill your brain with the idea that you are my rising sun.
My reason to wake every morning,
my reason to make it through.

And if words could find a way
to possibly convey exactly what it is that I'm feeling,
I don't think you would ever doubt your self-worth again because
I love you. I love you. I love you,
and saying those three words will never be enough for me.

I remember you saying
no one would ever love me,
but walking away from you
was the first step to
loving myself.

-k.w//important love

I am looking forward to the day
where I look at you,
and feel nothing

because it's exhausting
to continuously fall in and out
of love with you
as often as I do.

-k.w

I'll never understand why
cutting open my skin or
starving myself
was an easier thing for me to do
then simply ask for help.

And telling you I never wanted to see you again,
was the hardest thing I think I've ever done.
I remember when you were all I saw,
and all I wanted to see.

Please come back.

I woke up this morning
with an indescribable sadness.
It made me realize
that no matter how much I tell myself
I am getting better,
I am stuck.
I'm stuck in this loop
of feeling everything at once
and nothing at all-
A constant hurricane of emotion,
and this sadness has consumed me.

And the feeling of
being trapped in complete isolation
is one I understand all too well,

but you can't expect the whole world at your feet.
Sometimes, all you have is one person,
and sometimes,
that has to be enough.

-k.w//I Want to be the One

I tried to save you
when I told you I was toxic.
But you only took it as me
trying to push you away
with my undying fear of commitment.

But it is the start of a new time,
and 9 months later,
I am rereading the text of,

"If I was dead,
I wouldn't have to worry about
any problems."

And all I could think to say was that
you wouldn't be able to enjoy any solutions either,
but I know the truth.

You weren't this broken in the beginning,
and I had warned you.

-k.w// I Warned You; You Didn't Listen

There is no part inside me
that fears being alone.
Where most people find panic
in the emptiness that covers
the left side of their bed,
I find comfort.

I'm more than capable
of holding my own hand
and feeling assured
in my lack of dependency on others.

I am good at being alone,
and I think I'm choosing to
remind myself of this right now,
because I am starting to remember
what it's like to have feelings
for someone,
and all I can think about
is how much it hurt last time.

This darkness is slowing seeping into me, through my pores and into my bloodstream. Or maybe they found their way in through my split veins. I'm not quite sure anymore, but they're consuming me whole. And I can only pretend to act unaffected by their harsh bites at my knuckles and scratch marks at my throat for so long. These thoughts use to only haunt me at 4am, but they've fought their way to daylight and my minds not capable of fighting them off or telling them no. They're trapped in this skeleton of a body and they're eating me alive. There's a letter beside me listing "goodbyes" to my family and boyfriend. I don't know what I'll end up doing, but I'm scared of what these voices are making me do. I'm scared of what I've become.

I want nothing more
than to feel an endless amount
of control over everything around me,
and I'm afraid that makes me
more like him
than I thought.

-k.w//Just Like Him

You are not the thoughts
that keep you up at night,
but the reasons you rise
in the morning.

-k.p//late night reminder

It was the way
we fell silent
the second your
hand brushed mine—
We are both so
hesitant, and I am
still learning
how to love.

-k.p//let's pretend it's nothing

But now it's 1 am
and the dim light of the moon
illuminates my bedroom.
The light falls right onto my eyes
and I am forced to sit and think.
Many things come to mind.
Thoughts come flooding in,
and somehow,
you manage to crawl deep into my thoughts.
"I miss you."
I tell myself,
but I know you are happy,
and I know you're fine without me.
It hurts,
but I have to manage to be okay with it.
I roll onto my right side and the light
dances off my face.
My room falls dark and lonely again.
I am left with just my thoughts.
This is my life.

Does it make sense to say,
that I think I was made to suffer?

And does it make sense to say,
that I think I was made to die alone?

Maybe I was put on this earth,
to show society and everybody else
the downfalls and side effects the pressure of this world can bring upon young adults.

I don't want to be alone,
but alone is all I'll ever know.

and i can't help but wonder
if you still hope for me
at the sight of
every
          falling
                     star
because all my wishes
still drift towards thoughts
of you in hopes that
one day, maybe
light years won't seem
so       far       away.

-k.p//light years

You have lived through
everything you've endured,
and there is bravery
in knowing your limits.

-k.w//Limited

Listening to a song for the very first time,
and holding hands with someone new;
scribbling messy handwritten notes in your favorite book,
and hearing the words,
"You are not alone."

The feeling they bring is fleeting,
I know,
but it is one you are capable
of experiencing none the less.

-k.w//little things

It's been months
since you've last stepped foot
in my home,
but if you were to see it now,
it'd be unrecognizable.

The walls are now painted
a lively white that compliments
the floorboards underneath
the carpet that's been torn up,
and there is a new sofa
that I'll one day spend my time on
with someone (who isn't you).

This house is lively. This house is new.

And it's been months
since you last saw me,
but if you were to look at me now,
I'd be unrecognizable.

I, myself, am more lively,
and the darkest parts of me
have been torn from the pit of my stomach
where they have lived for so long,
and my heart has recovered
and is ready to be shared with someone
(once more).

And I am lively. I am new.

-k.w//Lively

You've grown so comfortable with
one-way conversations and
vacant stares.
You have allowed silence
to fill the space around you,
and apathy to reside in the broken
pieces of your heart—
all because you've been
hurt too much before.

You are mysteries upon mysteries,
but you won't let anyone
past your surface.

You have made such a home in the shadows,
and I don't think you ever want to be found.

-k.w//living in the shadows

I guess I should've listened
when everyone told me that
people aren't medicine,
but ****,
I thought you were my cure.

I'll pretend that when you lean in,
that you've never kissed anyone
the same way you kiss me.

And my heart breaks
when you struggle to remember the names
of all your past lovers
(You call them all mistakes)
because I know,
someday,
you'll do the same to me.

And I see the parts of you
that are broken,
but promise me that
you'll remember my name
and you'll never see me as
another one of
your mistakes.

Please ignore my shaky hands
that send earthquakes
through my bones
when the air between each other
is filled with nothing more than
harsh words that suffocate us.

I have survived a lot,
but the constant tsunami
of tears that follow
is not something I want
to battle with any longer.

And I know why
hurricanes are named
after people,
but I am trying to
minimize the casualties
that are often causing
forest fires inside me.

-k.w//natural disaster

Sometimes when I close my eyes,
I see buildings that touch
the clouds.
And I step off these buildings
and pull the ground up towards me,
embracing the concrete
with open arms.

Sometimes when I fall asleep,
we share the same breaths,
and I'm overwhelmed with such feeling
as my hand interlocks with yours.
And I'm not afraid
to fully love.

And maybe there are thousands of
differences between these dreams,
but for me they're all the same.

They leave me breathless,
and I need to be saved from
what I want.

-k.w

You are an ocean
with tides of mass highs and lows.
You think this makes you
too inconsistent— too imperfect,
but you are awe-inspiring
with how you ebb and flow.

-k.w//Oceans

You take a look at the universe, and you admire it for it's beauty. What you must realize then, is that you're a part of it.

It's been one year
since you took your
last breaths,
and I can't stop wishing
you had gotten more time.
You deserved prom dates,
and a high school graduation,
slow kisses in the rain,
and falling in love.

And if I could trade
places with you,
believe me, I would.
Because you deserved a life
far beyond hospital beds
and breathing tubes.

I so desperately wish
you had gotten the life
you fought so hard for.

-k.w//One Year

In a world that
has failed to keep
you safe,
I hope you find
peace among the stars.

-k.p//orlando

blood that has washed away so
promptly in the past is
now circling the sink drain.
leaving everything in shades of red,
this red is all i see.

and i'm in love with
distant memories;
i'm in love with
last night's dream—
always right here with me,
just simply out of reach.

-k.p//out of reach

i want our fingers
interlocked on
crowded sidewalks
and busy streets,
and i want us
to sip coffee
while we admire
strangers from
afar.
i want mid-afternoon
laughter, and
heartfelt conversations
late at night
when everything
seems a bit more
real.
i want to listen
to all your
favorite songs,
and share long
car rides with no
destination in mind.

i want all these things,
only you do not
want me.

-k.w//over

What was supposed to be a very
temporary thing in life
became a very
permanent thing
on my body.

I don't want to take my medicine
because I don't want a pill to tell me
how to feel.
It's like cheating,
and if I'm going to conquer this,
I'm going to without a pill
making me feel things that
aren't really there.

Yet here I am,
staring at a bottle,
that's more empty than
myself.

-k.w// Pills to Fill an Incurable Emptiness

But how am I supposed to know
what we are
if one moment we are spilling our hearts out to one another,
and the next,
we aren't even talking?

But when he
breaks apart your ribs,
he'll say he's just trying
to see your heart.
When will you realize
bruised flesh isn't a sign
of love?
On your wedding day,
did you imagine
bearing the colors
of blue and black?

He'll come back
and feed you lies
that always start with,
"I love you." and
"I'm sorry.",
but never seem to end
with change.

Will he even try
to replace the burnt out
light in your eyes,
or will he feed your fear
of staying in the dark
the rest of your life?

As you whisper to yourself,
"I can handle it.
I can handle it.
I can handle it.",

please remember,
just because you can,
doesn't mean you should have to.

-k.w//Red Flags