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Nov 2019 · 121
the hysterectomy
Kathryn Paige Nov 2019
In mere moments,
it seems, I will be
wrapped under stale
hospital sheets;
throat scratching from
a breathing tube,
a hollow body where
organs have been
sawed away.

I still love the womb
that only cultivates
funerals, would keep
it forever inside
if it had allowed.

I think of the cyclical
nature of hope—
how those who cradle
around pretend to
not notice the quiet
decay of one’s body,
promising me
there’s still semblance
of a woman residing
here.

-Kathryn Paige // The Hysterectomy
Haven't posted in awhile. Haven't written in awhile. Happy to be back.
Sep 2018 · 148
for dean
Kathryn Paige Sep 2018
you reside in
benevolent prose,
tightly woven
to heaving ribs
not designed to
bear this weight
of losing you.

I am still learning
to not break
at the sound
of your name;
I am still learning
to persist without
your presence.

-Kathryn Paige
Nov 2017 · 208
Splinter
Kathryn Paige Nov 2017
He watches as
I ache, listens to
the sound of bones
splintering at his
feet, and falls
into stillness
once more.

There is no
presence near
enough to hold me,
and I am clinging
to empty pages,
begging to
be heard.

k.p
writing at god
Jun 2017 · 217
vices
Kathryn Paige Jun 2017
her only wish
is for me to
come apart—
why do i
unravel at
her feet

-k.p//vices
today is her birthday and i'm tired of loving.
May 2017 · 341
untitled
Kathryn Paige May 2017
Most days,
I still feel
the ache of
bruised bones
the way vets
still feel the sting
of lost limbs,
and I wonder
how long it takes
for something
no longer present
to heal.

And last night,
I heard gunshots
that sounded just
like your name
as I was reminded
some things exist
for no other reason
than to cause pain.

I am nothing more
than this small frame
and protruding ribs,
knots of hair lying
on the bathroom floor,
remembering what it
once felt like
to be whole.  

-k.p
May 2017 · 204
let's pretend it's nothing
Kathryn Paige May 2017
It was the way
we fell silent
the second your
hand brushed mine—
We are both so
hesitant, and I am
still learning
how to love.

-k.p//let's pretend it's nothing
Mar 2017 · 306
ghost
Kathryn Paige Mar 2017
And I loved you because
you saw me—
through all that I was
and all that I was to be.

And for the first time ever,
I am to you as I
am to everyone else,
and how painful it is
to be a ghost to
the one you love.

-k.p//ghost
First poem I've completed in weeks— thought I'd share.
Dec 2016 · 238
untitled
Kathryn Paige Dec 2016
know that tomorrow
holds the promise
of a new beginning
and each morning,

you are reborn.

-k.p
Dec 2016 · 431
untitled
Kathryn Paige Dec 2016
2am comes and
I am haunted by
foreign words and
thoughts of skin,
and skin, and skin.

And when I wake,
the sun will kiss me
through cracked blinds
and muted sheets,
but my mind
will have wandered
far from here.

-k.p
Nov 2016 · 339
light years
Kathryn Paige Nov 2016
and i can't help but wonder
if you still hope for me
at the sight of
every
          falling
                     star
because all my wishes
still drift towards thoughts
of you in hopes that
one day, maybe
light years won't seem
so       far       away.

-k.p//light years
an old idea that i finally sat down and finished
Oct 2016 · 1.2k
silk laced memories
Kathryn Paige Oct 2016
Memories once wrapped in silk
are now collecting
on the windowsill.
And I've traced outlines in the dust,
placing heavy exhales where
words were meant to be.

And I look at her,
and she is so trusting
of love, and I'm trying
to find beauty in these endings.

-k.p//silk laced memories
Oct 2016 · 220
Untitled
Kathryn Paige Oct 2016
And here I stand,
watching my whole world fall—
the leaves from trees,
and I for you.

-k.p
Now published in Izzie & Sky Magazine
Oct 2016 · 273
Untitled
Kathryn Paige Oct 2016
And when there’s nothing
left to write about,
I look towards the leaves,
noticing how they let go
with the knowledge that
a season of growth
will arrive again soon.
I revisit the songs
that remind me what it
feels like to be free,
and embrace this warm
feeling that resides
deep in my chest
when thinking about
the people who love me.

And all at once,
ink is spilling out
the mouth of my pen.

-k.p
now published in local wolves magazine
Sep 2016 · 458
out of reach
Kathryn Paige Sep 2016
blood that has washed away so
promptly in the past is
now circling the sink drain.
leaving everything in shades of red,
this red is all i see.

and i'm in love with
distant memories;
i'm in love with
last night's dream—
always right here with me,
just simply out of reach.

-k.p//out of reach
Sep 2016 · 250
sirens bring us home
Kathryn Paige Sep 2016
lately,
this hospital room
has felt more like home
than anywhere else,
with days spent fearing
gravestone silence and
latex stings.

and when our tears
meet the ground,
they sound a lot
like sirens, and
we are just ghosts
condemned to
brittle bones.

-k.p//sirens bring us home
Sep 2016 · 212
unease
Kathryn Paige Sep 2016
thursday evenings
wrapped in stiff sheets
that leave me feeling
far from home,
bearing sacred memories
in scarred palms,
grasping for a moment
that passed long ago.

-k.p//unease
Aug 2016 · 218
undertones
Kathryn Paige Aug 2016
i spent hours
searching for the
reason behind all
my hurting.

i found you everywhere.

-k.p
Aug 2016 · 227
10w
Kathryn Paige Aug 2016
10w
He gives the sun
a reason to rise
each morning.

-k.p
Aug 2016 · 221
apology to logan
Kathryn Paige Aug 2016
i'm sorry this world
didn't love you better.
may you always be
remembered as a light.

-k.p//apology to logan
being soft should never come with punishment.
Aug 2016 · 490
freedom doesn't feel free
Kathryn Paige Aug 2016
it's been one year,
and the bruises you
left on my skin have
sunk to my heart.

-k.p
august 2nd, 2015
Jul 2016 · 265
Untitled
Kathryn Paige Jul 2016
My heart sighs with relief
knowing that even after
all it's been through,
it stills remains just as soft
as it continues to love.

-k.p
there is no more aching
Jul 2016 · 248
confused
Kathryn Paige Jul 2016
writing these words,
reliving this pain,
i can't tell if it's
stitching me
back together or
tearing me
apart.

-k.p
Jun 2016 · 592
we fear what others chase
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
tonight, my sister found
that the boy she loves
is kissing another girl
goodnight, and i held her
at 1am as she got used to
the feeling of saltwater
staining her cheeks.

you can not tell me
love is always kind, for i have
never known love to be
anything other than this.

-k.p//we fear what others chase
Jun 2016 · 223
living room talks
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
he loved me,* i said

maybe he lied, you returned

-k.p
Jun 2016 · 479
Untitled
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
i don't want to
turn my head and
shut my eyes at
the sight of sunsets
because it's only
a matter of time
before the night
closes in.
i fear i'll always
dismiss beautiful
things because
i know they won't
last forever, and
that causes me to
lose them before
they're even gone.
this is awful oops
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
i'm the reason
you ran so far
from god but
i don't think he
was ever here to
start because
you wore a cross
around your neck
and it never meant
a thing when you
had me tangled
in your sheets

and i don't care where
i end up after this life
because you left me
in a state of hell the
second you said
hurting me meant
nothing when the
only forgiveness
you need is given
by someone
i can't see.

-k.w//i can't remember the last time i saw god
Jun 2016 · 779
orlando
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
In a world that
has failed to keep
you safe,
I hope you find
peace among the stars.

-k.p//orlando
feeling heavy hearted today
Jun 2016 · 612
your shitty tattoo
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
like the tattoo
you got at sixteen,
you wore me proudly
for a little while,
but as time passed,
I was covered up by
something better
and eventually forgotten
as a whole.

-k.w//your ****** tattoo
Jun 2016 · 238
i am
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
I am tangled hair
after long drives
on hot summer
afternoons with the
windows down, stuck
in that timeless moment
when you can't
help but smile
because you know
that you're free.

I am the freckles
scattered across the
backs of my
arms and hands that
make up hundreds
of tiny constellations—
all complex,
all imperfect,
all beautiful.

I am the song
that takes you back
to that simplistic moment
after your junior year
of high school—
the one that you
haven't listened to
in years, but
still remember
every word like it's
the back of
your hand.

I was never put here
on accident.
I am no mistake.

-k.p//i am
Jun 2016 · 214
Untitled
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
One day,
you will begin to realize
that you can't save
other people—
you can only love them
as they learn to
save themselves.

-k.w
Jun 2016 · 206
madisen
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
There was inspiration
to be found in the way
her words danced in the
back of my head on an
endless loop,
and weighed heavy on
my heart for days on end.
And once I discovered this feeling,
I realized there was nothing I wanted
more than to transform
the hearts around me,
just as she had done
with mine.

-k.w//madisen
this poem was featured in this month's issue of Local Wolves Magazine, so I thought I'd share it with you guys.
May 2016 · 260
framework
Kathryn Paige May 2016
there is no control in anything

i feel i have no choice
but to tear apart this body
as if it's some worn down structure
with framework too shaky to house
anything other than good intentions

and i see the look in my
mother's eyes as she wishes
she could do more for me
but i have found no way to
alleviate this battle—
staying up late for sins i know
i'll regret in the morning

and the only things that stay
are those i so desperately
wish would disappear

-k.w//framework
May 2016 · 430
what if
Kathryn Paige May 2016
He stopped searching for love,
and I fear that he grew tired
of tasting the ghost of
her on the lips of
other women.  

-k.w//what if
May 2016 · 301
cheap diner
Kathryn Paige May 2016
Our inevitable end was discovered in such an ordinary moment— eating at a cheap diner while the rest of the city was asleep. We shared a booth, and your arms were wrapped around me as you reminded me that "each day, I am new." We drove home with the windows rolled down, and we sang on the top of our lungs. Laughter filled the space around us because you were off-key and I had forgotten the lyrics, but we never cared about impressing each other. We just wanted to be real. And in this moment, you were oblivious to the fact that I knew our time was ending.

The last time you saw me, I had tears in my eyes because I knew we wouldn't speak again. But if I could go back and replay it all, you wouldn't have found a trace of sadness in my voice because it is unfair to expect everyone to stay forever. I'll still indefinitely look back on these memories and smile.

I'm sorry I couldn't be who you wanted, but you had the choice to love me how I was, and it was you who decided to not love me at all.

-k.w//cheap diner
about a friend because i just erased his number from my phone.
May 2016 · 212
written in red
Kathryn Paige May 2016
I wrote you a letter on the back of a napkin, but it will never grace your touch. My feelings are so indistinguishable, and nothing should be written in ink only to be crossed out soon after. This was a habit of yours, and everything has been written in red because of it.

Memories of us are collecting dust in a shoebox beneath my bed that I won't dare open until my heart is for another. Because although one day, these things won't cut me open or sting, I'm still skipping over the third step leading up to my front door now.

Your love for me was fleeting, and that is all right. I do well on my own, but you always wondered why I was scared of calling you mine. Darling, this is what I feared.

-k.w//written in red
super metaphorical. i also listened to the song "rory" by foxing on repeat the whole entire time i wrote this, so part of my inspiration for this poem comes from that song. woohoo.
Kathryn Paige May 2016
I got drunk
in attempt
to drown out these
thoughts of you.

You came back
the next morning
in the form of a
headache.

-k.w//i escaped you, but only for a night
from 8 months ago
May 2016 · 201
untitled
Kathryn Paige May 2016
Tell me
how tragic it is—
not saying
hello
to the person
you once discussed
the meaning
of
forever
with.

-k.w
I wrote this two years ago, but didn't think to post it until now for some reason.
May 2016 · 252
vault
Kathryn Paige May 2016
I am composed of all
the broken promises
and forbidden secrets
of others.
I am a shelter to many,
and even after they've left,
these pieces will
remain safe within me—
always.

-k.w//vault
May 2016 · 247
you remain
Kathryn Paige May 2016
I have spent too many nights
scratching at my skin,
begging it to forget
your touch.

-k.w//you remain
May 2016 · 2.2k
false affirmations
Kathryn Paige May 2016
And if I were you,
I would never trust my words.
I have lied to so many by
telling them I love them,
and it is never followed by
aching guilt.

These lines are the only
form of honesty I have left,
and I'm not sure I want
this part of me to change.

So when I'm standing in
the doorway,
and I tell you
I love you,
I hope you won't make
too much of it.
I promise I won't when
you whisper,
"I love you, too."

-k.w//false affirmations
May 2016 · 664
haiku
Kathryn Paige May 2016
I am breaking my
own heart just to feel something—
anything at all.
i've been writing a ton, but haven't really posted much, so here's a haiku.
May 2016 · 257
over
Kathryn Paige May 2016
i want our fingers
interlocked on
crowded sidewalks
and busy streets,
and i want us
to sip coffee
while we admire
strangers from
afar.
i want mid-afternoon
laughter, and
heartfelt conversations
late at night
when everything
seems a bit more
real.
i want to listen
to all your
favorite songs,
and share long
car rides with no
destination in mind.

i want all these things,
only you do not
want me.

-k.w//over
Kathryn Paige May 2016
love is not a switch
you can turn on and off—
you either always feel it,
or it was never there at all.
May 2016 · 205
Tennessee
Kathryn Paige May 2016
The sky is painted with
shades of blue and grey,
and there are miles of open road
ahead of me.
I hear music that makes
my heart skip,
and I am surrounded by people
who love me so.

And in this moment,
my past isn't holding me down.
I am not restrained in any way
to live how I want.
Right now, happiness is everywhere,
and I am letting it take control.

-k.w//Tennessee
May 2016 · 206
living in the shadows
Kathryn Paige May 2016
You've grown so comfortable with
one-way conversations and
vacant stares.
You have allowed silence
to fill the space around you,
and apathy to reside in the broken
pieces of your heart—
all because you've been
hurt too much before.

You are mysteries upon mysteries,
but you won't let anyone
past your surface.

You have made such a home in the shadows,
and I don't think you ever want to be found.

-k.w//living in the shadows
Apr 2016 · 249
tragedy
Kathryn Paige Apr 2016
We never found
tragedy in one
another.

-k.w
Apr 2016 · 199
always in hiding
Kathryn Paige Apr 2016
We have made a habit of
hiding the darkest parts of ourselves
where no one else can find them.
Sometimes, I think I've hidden things so well, I won't even be able
to recover them from myself.

And one day, we will spill
our hearts out,
and reveal everything
to anyone who is willing to listen
purely because the act of concealing
does nothing but exhaust
the soul.

-k.w//always in hiding
Apr 2016 · 437
when i feel alive
Kathryn Paige Apr 2016
I love days like today—
when flowers are
being pressed
between the crinkled
pages of my
notebook, and
blades of grass are
sticking to
my bare feet.
I'm humming a line
from a song
I can't remember
the name of,
and the sun is
peeking through the
space between my
blinds.

And I can't help
but to feel alive
when I'm marveling
over all that's
surrounding me.

-k.p
Apr 2016 · 221
growing by the hour
Kathryn Paige Apr 2016
Although the pain was uninvited, and although it broke my heart, I'm coming out stronger because of it. I can only stay underwater for so long before I'm welcomed by fresh air.

And even though it feels like I'm drowning right now, I know it will all end in steady breaths.

It hurts now. God, it hurts now, but I know I grow in the pain.

-k.w//growing by the hour
Apr 2016 · 217
secrets
Kathryn Paige Apr 2016
there are days
when i'm grateful i didn't
share all my secrets
with you,

and there are days
when i wonder if the act of
pouring myself out
would've made you stay.

-k.w//secrets
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