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2.2k · May 2016
false affirmations
Kathryn Paige May 2016
And if I were you,
I would never trust my words.
I have lied to so many by
telling them I love them,
and it is never followed by
aching guilt.

These lines are the only
form of honesty I have left,
and I'm not sure I want
this part of me to change.

So when I'm standing in
the doorway,
and I tell you
I love you,
I hope you won't make
too much of it.
I promise I won't when
you whisper,
"I love you, too."

-k.w//false affirmations
2.1k · Apr 2015
cigarettes & metaphors
Kathryn Paige Apr 2015
I heard you started smoking,
and I hope
it makes you realize
what you did to me
when you become so addicted
to something that kills you.

And when you finally
find the strength to stop,
years from now,
you'll still find yourself
missing it.

I hope you think of me when
the smoke escapes
your lungs.

-k.w// cigarettes & metaphors
I have totally not written in forever because I can't find a way to put my thoughts into words! This one is kinda weak, but it'll have to do for now.
Kathryn Paige Oct 2015
I'm not too stubborn to admit that
I was afraid of losing you-
so I held you tightly in the palms of my hands
as you fell through my fingertips,
and into the hands of another.

-k.w//you always called me stubborn
1.7k · Jan 2015
Wake Up
Kathryn Paige Jan 2015
Wake up with me.
With messy hair
and sleepy eyes.
Morning breath
and all.

Flash that tilted smile
towards me at 8am,
so I can start my day off
just right.

Fall into my arms
and I'll hate the fact
that moments from now,
I'll have to let you go.
But I promise you,
I will love every second
up until that point.

So with cold hands,
and sloppy kisses.
Chapped lips
and all,
wake up with me.

-k.w// Wake Up
1.5k · Jan 2016
for your hard days
Kathryn Paige Jan 2016
And sometimes I feel as if
you've spent so much time
loving others,
that you forgot the importance
of loving yourself.

All I want
is to be there for you
as you learn how to
put yourself back together,
piece by piece,

and I can only hope
you decide
to let me.

-k.w
1.4k · Mar 2016
Fading
Kathryn Paige Mar 2016
He repeated the words
"No one will ever love you"
so many times
that I started to believe him,

and I'm in need of constant
reassurance that I'm safe
because everything he did
plays on repeat in my head,
and I feel as if
I never really escaped it at all.

I got so used to
holding my breath in his presence,
I don't think he noticed me
fading away.

-k.w//Fading
Kathryn Paige Aug 2015
Maybe now you'll begin to realize
why I can never take the word
"forever" too seriously by anyone.

Because we made promises too big
for our hearts
and reality has a harsh way
of not giving us what we want.

And even though I was the one
who called it off,
you were the one who left
months before,
leaving behind nothing but a ghost.

You always thought my words
were beautiful,
but will you still think the same
when they're written all about you?

-k.w//A Letter to my Recent Heartbreaker
Kathryn Paige Dec 2015
There is no part inside me
that fears being alone.
Where most people find panic
in the emptiness that covers
the left side of their bed,
I find comfort.

I'm more than capable
of holding my own hand
and feeling assured
in my lack of dependency on others.

I am good at being alone,
and I think I'm choosing to
remind myself of this right now,
because I am starting to remember
what it's like to have feelings
for someone,
and all I can think about
is how much it hurt last time.
this is poorly written, but i had to write something about how i'm feeling right now.
1.2k · Jul 2014
4am
Kathryn Paige Jul 2014
4am
At 4am you're either on top of the world, or under it.
1.2k · Oct 2016
silk laced memories
Kathryn Paige Oct 2016
Memories once wrapped in silk
are now collecting
on the windowsill.
And I've traced outlines in the dust,
placing heavy exhales where
words were meant to be.

And I look at her,
and she is so trusting
of love, and I'm trying
to find beauty in these endings.

-k.p//silk laced memories
1.1k · Dec 2015
Conquer
Kathryn Paige Dec 2015
You'll realize that sometimes
it's easier to deny the pain you feel
rather than trying to face it,

but I hope you find enough
strength within yourself
to conquer it anyways,
before it tries to conquer you.

-k.w//Conquer
1.1k · Jun 2015
Red Flags
Kathryn Paige Jun 2015
But when he
breaks apart your ribs,
he'll say he's just trying
to see your heart.
When will you realize
bruised flesh isn't a sign
of love?
On your wedding day,
did you imagine
bearing the colors
of blue and black?

He'll come back
and feed you lies
that always start with,
"I love you." and
"I'm sorry.",
but never seem to end
with change.

Will he even try
to replace the burnt out
light in your eyes,
or will he feed your fear
of staying in the dark
the rest of your life?

As you whisper to yourself,
"I can handle it.
I can handle it.
I can handle it.",

please remember,
just because you can,
doesn't mean you should have to.

-k.w//Red Flags
1.1k · Dec 2015
An Open Letter to my Anxiety
Kathryn Paige Dec 2015
You are not defined
by the pain in your stomach
or the tightness in your chest,
and your shaky hands
and the inability to breathe
are not signs of weakness,
although you have convinced
yourself differently.

Every masterpiece was once
a work in progress,
and there is more to you than
a disorder.

-k.w//An Open Letter to my Anxiety
982 · Jan 2016
Just Like Him
Kathryn Paige Jan 2016
I want nothing more
than to feel an endless amount
of control over everything around me,
and I'm afraid that makes me
more like him
than I thought.

-k.w//Just Like Him
Kathryn Paige Nov 2015
I'll pretend
it doesn't hurt
to say your name,
and I will hide behind
subtle feelings
that I am too ashamed
to voice past my
bedroom mirror
at 4am with sleepy eyes.

I am not nostalgic
for the sloppy kisses or
the first time you held my hand,
but the trips to
waffle house in the late afternoon,
and high school football games
when the cold air left
our lips numb.

It all comes back
to the, "I miss you"
that is trapped
behind my teeth.

-k.w//things i'll never say out loud
894 · Jan 2016
I'll Come Back Stronger
Kathryn Paige Jan 2016
And it's as if every kiss he planted
was supposed to make up
for the bruises he left on my body-
as if every "I love you"
was supposed to make up
for all the times he said
no one else would.

Slowly, these cuts will turn to scars
and his shouts that echo
through every bone in my body
will become nothing more than
a persistent hum in the back of my head.

I've convinced myself that
he took everything from me,
but I have so much strength
resting in my bones.

-k.w//I'll Come Back Stronger
875 · Oct 2015
cleanse
Kathryn Paige Oct 2015
Months later,
and still I sit in the shower
for hours at a time,
hoping to one day
wash away the handprints
that didn't belong
on my body
in the first place.

-k.w//cleanse
807 · Feb 2015
That is Okay
Kathryn Paige Feb 2015
And it's okay
if you flinch
every time he moves
his hands too fast

because in another time,
you were just
defending yourself,
and that is all right.

And it's okay
if you still skip class
every once
in awhile

because in another time,
that was the only time
you could catch a break,
and that is all right.

And it's okay
If you stay up all night-
making friends with
your bedroom walls

because in another time,
sleeping meant dreaming,
and all you really wanted
was reality,
and that is all right.

It will all be okay
in the end.
Kathryn Paige Jan 2015
I tried to save you
when I told you I was toxic.
But you only took it as me
trying to push you away
with my undying fear of commitment.

But it is the start of a new time,
and 9 months later,
I am rereading the text of,

"If I was dead,
I wouldn't have to worry about
any problems."

And all I could think to say was that
you wouldn't be able to enjoy any solutions either,
but I know the truth.

You weren't this broken in the beginning,
and I had warned you.

-k.w// I Warned You; You Didn't Listen
779 · Jun 2016
orlando
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
In a world that
has failed to keep
you safe,
I hope you find
peace among the stars.

-k.p//orlando
feeling heavy hearted today
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
i'm the reason
you ran so far
from god but
i don't think he
was ever here to
start because
you wore a cross
around your neck
and it never meant
a thing when you
had me tangled
in your sheets

and i don't care where
i end up after this life
because you left me
in a state of hell the
second you said
hurting me meant
nothing when the
only forgiveness
you need is given
by someone
i can't see.

-k.w//i can't remember the last time i saw god
664 · May 2016
haiku
Kathryn Paige May 2016
I am breaking my
own heart just to feel something—
anything at all.
i've been writing a ton, but haven't really posted much, so here's a haiku.
644 · Dec 2015
Little Things
Kathryn Paige Dec 2015
Listening to a song for the very first time,
and holding hands with someone new;
scribbling messy handwritten notes in your favorite book,
and hearing the words,
"You are not alone."

The feeling they bring is fleeting,
I know,
but it is one you are capable
of experiencing none the less.

-k.w//little things
636 · Feb 2016
come home
Kathryn Paige Feb 2016
I can't listen to Amy Winehouse on vinyl without thinking of you, and I've refrained from using your favorite coffee mug to ensure it'd be clean for your return. Even the floorboards are creaking your name now, and this house feels foreign without you. Each morning, I find myself rising with the sun, reciting the words, "Please come home."

-k.w
625 · Sep 2015
Worlds Apart
Kathryn Paige Sep 2015
It's hard to hear,
"I love you"
when it's only
lies that spill
out of your mouth;
a bittersweet moment that
I would rather sit in silence to
then witness.

And you'll never care that
I'm drowning,
only that I
hold your head
above the waves
as I sink a little deeper
with every break in the sea.

But I will continue
to love you
with every ounce
of my being
because my heart
holds no sympathy
over me.

-k.w//worlds apart
Kathryn Paige Apr 2016
and now poetry in coffee shops and paintings of flowers make me want to cry, and i didn't know memories of you would be so deeply engrained in the moments i took for granted.

the sunrises that were once a gentle reminder of being one sunrise closer to seeing you, i now realize, were just counting down my last days of being able to love you.

our time together ended before it ever really began, so i'll pretend my hands aren't shaking because they'll one day forget how it felt to hold yours. i'll pretend tears haven't been blurring my vision for forty-eight hours straight, and i'll pretend i didn't fall so hard for a boy who seemed to have given up on me so easily.

-k.w//sometimes, i wish i couldn't feel
612 · Jun 2016
your shitty tattoo
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
like the tattoo
you got at sixteen,
you wore me proudly
for a little while,
but as time passed,
I was covered up by
something better
and eventually forgotten
as a whole.

-k.w//your ****** tattoo
592 · Jun 2016
we fear what others chase
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
tonight, my sister found
that the boy she loves
is kissing another girl
goodnight, and i held her
at 1am as she got used to
the feeling of saltwater
staining her cheeks.

you can not tell me
love is always kind, for i have
never known love to be
anything other than this.

-k.p//we fear what others chase
570 · Nov 2015
One Year
Kathryn Paige Nov 2015
It's been one year
since you took your
last breaths,
and I can't stop wishing
you had gotten more time.
You deserved prom dates,
and a high school graduation,
slow kisses in the rain,
and falling in love.

And if I could trade
places with you,
believe me, I would.
Because you deserved a life
far beyond hospital beds
and breathing tubes.

I so desperately wish
you had gotten the life
you fought so hard for.

-k.w//One Year
Kathryn Paige Mar 2016
And the pictures that are strung up
across your bedroom wall
house nothing more than vacant feelings now.
He can no longer bring himself
to check up on you because
if he can't have you
exactly the way he wants,
then he doesn't want you at all.

He'll cope with his hurt
by occasionally offering unauthentic hello's
and cancelled plans because that's all
he has control over.
Once again,
you are left repeating the line,
"I'm sorry I hurt you,
but I am happy now."
And he'll pretend he's happy, too.

-k.w//because i don't feel the same
546 · Aug 2014
Homesick
Kathryn Paige Aug 2014
But I don't want to go home
because home is a pair of arms that
don't want to hold me.

I'm better off in solitude,
making friends with my bedroom walls and dark thoughts.
Because unlike you,
they are always there.
537 · Jan 2015
mistakes
Kathryn Paige Jan 2015
I'll pretend that when you lean in,
that you've never kissed anyone
the same way you kiss me.

And my heart breaks
when you struggle to remember the names
of all your past lovers
(You call them all mistakes)
because I know,
someday,
you'll do the same to me.

And I see the parts of you
that are broken,
but promise me that
you'll remember my name
and you'll never see me as
another one of
your mistakes.
518 · Dec 2015
important love
Kathryn Paige Dec 2015
I remember you saying
no one would ever love me,
but walking away from you
was the first step to
loving myself.

-k.w//important love
515 · Aug 2015
World Map
Kathryn Paige Aug 2015
He'll tell you that
I broke his heart,
and you'll believe him because
with all that pain in his eyes,
how could you not?

But he'll keep it to himself that he
set fire to the best parts of me
and stepped back to watch me burn.

And he'll never trust you enough to mention that
my body was a world map to him,
and all he wanted to do
was explore.

And he won't dare speak about the way
his hands gripped the steering wheel
to keep them off my neck
when he could no longer control his anger.

So yes,
I broke his heart,
but only to protect mine
from further casualty.

-k.w//World Map
First full length poem I've been able to write since getting out of my abusive relationship.
501 · Aug 2016
freedom doesn't feel free
Kathryn Paige Aug 2016
it's been one year,
and the bruises you
left on my skin have
sunk to my heart.

-k.p
august 2nd, 2015
492 · Dec 2015
Lively
Kathryn Paige Dec 2015
It's been months
since you've last stepped foot
in my home,
but if you were to see it now,
it'd be unrecognizable.

The walls are now painted
a lively white that compliments
the floorboards underneath
the carpet that's been torn up,
and there is a new sofa
that I'll one day spend my time on
with someone (who isn't you).

This house is lively. This house is new.

And it's been months
since you last saw me,
but if you were to look at me now,
I'd be unrecognizable.

I, myself, am more lively,
and the darkest parts of me
have been torn from the pit of my stomach
where they have lived for so long,
and my heart has recovered
and is ready to be shared with someone
(once more).

And I am lively. I am new.

-k.w//Lively
A different style then what I usually write in, but I kinda like it.
479 · Jun 2016
Untitled
Kathryn Paige Jun 2016
i don't want to
turn my head and
shut my eyes at
the sight of sunsets
because it's only
a matter of time
before the night
closes in.
i fear i'll always
dismiss beautiful
things because
i know they won't
last forever, and
that causes me to
lose them before
they're even gone.
this is awful oops
475 · Nov 2014
Desirable Mess
Kathryn Paige Nov 2014
But I don't think I'll ever forget the time you said
I was a desirable mess.
One who's goodness overbalanced the constant atrocities I put both of us through on the daily.
The routine text messages of,
"I need you."
and
"I ****** up."

And a text is all you'll ever get
because the anxiety was just too much to leave a voice mail
or listen to your heartbroken voice as I tell you,
"I want to die" over the phone.

I wish I could lie and say that
someone has stuck around longer than the
purple and blue ringing my eyes.

I wish I could lie and compare myself to a mosaic;
A little broken,
but still able to be made into a beautiful piece of art.

And I wish I could lie and say that
the scars littering my bony wrists
and destroyed forearms
don't hold stories of the tragic downfall
of the person I used to be.

A desirable mess.
What a wonderful thing to be called.
One who is utterly flawed,
yet still craved by an individual.
474 · Dec 2015
December 5th
Kathryn Paige Dec 2015
What a terrible feeling it must be
to know that you still could've had me
if only you loved me like
I deserved.

-k.w//December 5th
I'm finally starting to love myself and know my worth and it is very exciting.
464 · Sep 2014
Stars are Meant to Shine
Kathryn Paige Sep 2014
Discover the importance that comes along with loving yourself fully and unforgettably. You are a part of this beautifully crafted universe, and you deserve to be here.

-k.w // stars are meant to shine
458 · Sep 2016
out of reach
Kathryn Paige Sep 2016
blood that has washed away so
promptly in the past is
now circling the sink drain.
leaving everything in shades of red,
this red is all i see.

and i'm in love with
distant memories;
i'm in love with
last night's dream—
always right here with me,
just simply out of reach.

-k.p//out of reach
451 · Oct 2015
Unrequited Love
Kathryn Paige Oct 2015
It's sad to think
that at one point in time,
I truly believed
I deserved the love you gave me.

But I've since realized my worth,
and bruised wrists
and crossed boundaries
are something
I never should have known.

So don't think for a second
that I miss you,
because I am so beyond
my unrequited love.

-k.w//unrequited love
448 · Nov 2015
Hold On
Kathryn Paige Nov 2015
I will hold onto you
because you bring a certain light
to the world
that I don't think
can be found anywhere else.
And with a light
that makes even the brightest
of suns envious,
it'd be a shame to do anything
but hold on.

-k.w//Hold On
443 · Aug 2015
downfall
Kathryn Paige Aug 2015
They tell me not to live my life in fear,
but what if living in general
is a fear itself?

-k.w//downfall
437 · Apr 2016
when i feel alive
Kathryn Paige Apr 2016
I love days like today—
when flowers are
being pressed
between the crinkled
pages of my
notebook, and
blades of grass are
sticking to
my bare feet.
I'm humming a line
from a song
I can't remember
the name of,
and the sun is
peeking through the
space between my
blinds.

And I can't help
but to feel alive
when I'm marveling
over all that's
surrounding me.

-k.p
431 · Dec 2016
untitled
Kathryn Paige Dec 2016
2am comes and
I am haunted by
foreign words and
thoughts of skin,
and skin, and skin.

And when I wake,
the sun will kiss me
through cracked blinds
and muted sheets,
but my mind
will have wandered
far from here.

-k.p
430 · May 2016
what if
Kathryn Paige May 2016
He stopped searching for love,
and I fear that he grew tired
of tasting the ghost of
her on the lips of
other women.  

-k.w//what if
422 · Oct 2014
In Friend Love
Kathryn Paige Oct 2014
I am looking forward to the day
where I look at you,
and feel nothing

because it's exhausting
to continuously fall in and out
of love with you
as often as I do.

-k.w
403 · Nov 2014
I Can't Get Out of Bed
Kathryn Paige Nov 2014
I didn't go to school.
My bones ached too much,
and sitting up in bed alone took up all my energy.
My eyes still burn from last night
when I cried and cried and cried.

I am ruining him.
I don't think he even notices,
but I see him slowly starting to wilt
a little more within everyday.

I can't leave him.
He's my life and I am his,
but I don't want to be the reason he wants to end his
in the end either.

This battle is too hard.
I don't have the energy to fight.
I can't get out of bed.
Depression is hitting hard today. Sorry for the nonsense.
402 · Apr 2016
hurricane
Kathryn Paige Apr 2016
to love me is
to love a hurricane—
i won't leave until
we're in ruins.

-k.w//hurricane
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