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656 · Feb 2015
Forgetting Your First Love
Kareena Feb 2015
We loved like we invented loving
Like I was the first girl to ever want to fall asleep
Smelling your shirt on my pillow
Like you were the first boy to ever
Want to hold my hand
We were insatiable and unstoppable
But then again, I guess we weren't
If we stopped eventually

I see my little brother experience middle school
And I can't help but think of you and me
How much I loved you then

He talks about clubs
And I see myself drawing in my club
Looking out the doorway to see you
Standing there, taking pictures of me for photography club

Oh how I loved you then
That sweet boy of --twelve, was it?--
It felt like we were so grown up and knew everything about life
We were ready for everything, it seemed

I remember praying every night in seventh grade
That you would like me
Because your love was something I had always wanted
More than anyone else's

I remember being in girl scouts
And not being able to talk to you because I was selling cookies
Only to look up, and there you were!
You made your dad drive all the way over to the far mall
To buy cookies from me, but told him you wanted to go to Chick Fil-A
I could hardly make change for two boxes, I was so enamored

I remember Skyping for six whole hours
While shaking secretly from my side of the camera
Wondering if you felt the same way about me
As I always had about you
Until you finally asked if I still felt the same
Of course I did, I always have

I remember being in the planetarium in eighth grade
Secretly holding your hand in the darkness
Feeling little shivers run up my arms
Every time you squeezed my fingers

I remember our first kiss
Stopping after at Lito's pizza
Those special memories
That belong only to us

To put it in perspective,
That is why it has been so hard
To let you go
Because I remember these things
And I flash back to us when he tells me about middle school,
It's hard to not fall in love with the idea of us all over again

So as I look at you now
Six years later, these memories come back
And that's why it's hard
To look at you
Because I could barely believe
The single thing I wanted to continue on forever
Ended

So how do you truly forget your first love?
If your love was true?
I just needed to sort out some memories and feelings
Kareena Mar 2016
There was fire in her eyes and then the floods rolled in
The way they did during Noah's time, uncontrollable and unceasable
Her throat swelled and eyes leaked, a reoccurring problem
Of tedious persistence, of insidious intent
He was convinced she talked just to fight
To impress upon one, the beliefs of another

But I don't wish for you to change yourself
I don't want to force you when you need to experience the joy that you feel
When you know that every single modicum of your life
Is extremely out of your control, but you know in the deepest pit
Of your soul that everything will be absolutely okay
Because He is the one driving force you can count on
A single consistency in a world of uncertainty

The peace and the mercy you feel when you know
That all of the bad things you have done, like forgetting to give back
That girl's pencil in fifth grade to unjustly breaking someone's heart
Or something so dark that its magnitude weighs you down,
Are all forgiven, and all you need to do is come and listen
Wonder and ask, seek and you will find, believe in something for a change
See the brightness in Him that you have only seen through me

I can imagine us growing old, having adventures, going places
But I also can see myself lying awake at night, and feeling a deep sense
Of loneliness because that is the one area of my life that I can't share with you
I crave spiritual growth, and when you're around, I don't
I am lost between this world and another
Trying my best to straddle a fence between two lives I can't
I fear soon I may fall
654 · Mar 2014
Traveler
Kareena Mar 2014
As much as I look around
This great wide world
I see you in every place that I go

In a boat at Maine
In a train in Boston
In a Jeep in New Mexico

But why do I search?
And think?
And search?
When I know no hope remains

It's because I had hope
Then lost hope
Then had hope, but lost
And all hope, to me, feels the same
The Other One
653 · Dec 2019
Dense
Kareena Dec 2019
I apologize for my emotional density
I often worry you don't have time for me
I sit and cry and you watch me, scared
Not sure what to say, rushed, unprepared
645 · Oct 2016
Harvest
Kareena Oct 2016
By the way we've proceeded, I've gathered
Up hints like raspberries in a basket
The fruit is sweet, but the thorns are sharp and the dye stains red
My fingers are crimson and I'm not mistaken
You don't want anything to do with me
I'm sorry these poems seem so sad, I'm really not sad, just contemplative, I guess.
641 · Dec 2015
It Was Us
Kareena Dec 2015
You don't dare disturb me
When I drift off in your arms
You run your hand across my head
Smoothing out my frizzed hair
Such a sweet gesture
For a girl who is half-asleep
Partially in the hologram of slumber
Partially in the dream of reality

But in due time, time has past
The hourglass always runs out of sand
You rouse me from my daze
To drive me home in the midnight hour
I'm Cinderella missing a glass slipper
My horses have already turned back to mice
I have to leave again in a day's time

But as we drive back in the dark
You tell me that you love me
You adore my taste in music
The way I think and speak
My quirks and abnormalities, to you,
Are just like freckles on a cheek

You divulge me deeper in your fondness
You tell me I'm different from the rest
You confess your long high school crush on me
Your love of my head upon your chest

All along you cared for me
Before I cared for you
And as life seemed to fall apart
It reformed into something new
It was us all along
I know it now like you knew it then
Can't believe it's been almost three years!
639 · Apr 2015
Easter
Kareena Apr 2015
My Easter
Is not
A coloring
Of eggs
A consumption
Of candy
A celebration
Of spring

Rather it's
Something larger
Profound as
The coloring
Of blood
The consumption
Of communion
The celebration
Of resurrection

Because Easter
Isn't about
Baby chicks
And bunnies.
But rather,
Forgiveness and
Salvation
Amen

And even
If I
Didn't go
To church
On Sunday,
God is
Where ever
I go
Because the
Curtain split
God and
Man are
No longer
Separated by
A barrier
Of tapestry
636 · Mar 2017
Bright Light
Kareena Mar 2017
Criss-crossed scribbled heart
Dwelling on the dark parts
The ones I tried to hide hard
But once you turned into my sight
I was left unable to write right
A love, brand new bright light
A different sort of style
633 · May 2015
The Same Since
Kareena May 2015
You told me you don't feel wanted by me
Like I brush you aside
A back up plan
A second entrance
Instead of a center stage
A last resort of mild interest
A second choice made hastily
And it hurts

But I don't try to brush you aside
Sometimes I'm just tired
I want to want you
Like you want me
A steady stream
A constant force
But I can't always be
What you want
I want to want you so desperately
But sometimes I just need my space
Away for a little bit

I feel like I was better at loving him
I felt for him like you feel about me
I was not so nonchalant
I loved without reason
Instead of being grounded and practical

What happened to me?
Where did my love go?

It must have picked up its jacket,
Folded its newspaper,
Promptly stold up,
And walked the opposite direction
When he left
Because I haven't seen the same love since.
Everything is different the second time around
630 · Nov 2014
Kentucky Blues
Kareena Nov 2014
You tell me you love her
And it sounds like she does too
But nights outside with bonfires
Show how she thinks of you

For the past months spent together
You have grown closer than
You have ever had another
You have grown past being friends

Your heart aches when her lips
Touch that despicable bottle
And she stumbles around in its haze
But even then she is a model

She will be better in the morning
A little hungover, though, it's true
And when she is done loving him
She will realize she loves you
629 · Mar 2014
Searching
Kareena Mar 2014
I don't know how to look at you now
Because I can't let go of how I looked at you then
Always searching
624 · Feb 2014
The Final Kiss
Kareena Feb 2014
Sometimes, in the night, I see you
I cannot hide from you because you encircle me
And suffocate me with my own feelings
You are dressed gallantly, as I'd always imagined
My Prince
You act as though we are in daily life
You reel me in, then push me away listlessly
I begin to see how I am being mistreated
You tug at my heartstrings until I am on the verge of tears
Then you stop
You bite your lip and look at me tentatively
You stroke my face
Whispering sweet nothings as the daylight hours in my fantasies flit away
Then, you kiss me and all of the feelings the callas I built up around you withheld burst forth
And I can feel everything
With my love for you fully regained,
You kiss me once more and the feelings are palpable
Tangible
Intense
Real
Suddenly, it all slips away
My beautiful fantasy land and you
Everything is gone
I awake to find myself alone in my bed
Our last kiss was in a dream
An oldie. Probably from April
621 · Nov 2016
Uncertain Times
Kareena Nov 2016
I'm scared for the girl
Sitting across from me in a hijab
Looking at her phone
Fear in her eyes, panic in her mind
We live in uncertain times

In reality
Any leader is only as powerful
As the volume of supporters
The people who feed into the violence
And the hate that is spat in their general direction
From all directions, from many people
They can choose to absorb it
Or ignore it completely
And keep living their lives in love
Reach out their hand to a stranger
Someone who may be in trouble
Someone belittled for believing
In something different from the normal
Diversity is what makes us remarkable

The saddest part
Is that I am concerned as to whether
The beautiful people I see
Are scared by me frequently looking over at them
Just a white, privileged, middle class girl
Trying to depict them in a poem
Articulating how I pledge to be there
To demonstrate that not everyone
Is scared of what they don't know
What is different from their own
We are people, first.
606 · Dec 2017
I Wish You Could Have
Kareena Dec 2017
I wished you could have
Followed me home
Opened the door
Felt my hands roam

I wish you could have
Watched me undress
Felt my eyes linger
Knew my intent

I wish you could have
Been there tonight
Fed my addiction
Grabbed and pulled me in tight
599 · Apr 2014
Dreaming of Tomorrow
Kareena Apr 2014
Watching the shadows of headlights play off my front walk
From the inside of your car
No one inside, and I'm too scared to be alone
So you stay and wait with me for peace of mind
We recline our seats because we know it will be a while

I let my fingers wander over to the radio
Where I turn on "American Pie"
And we sit there, reclined
For eight and a half minutes, just singing along
And interchangeably talking about life
If someone saw us, reclined together
They would think it was something more than that
But it was just a simple moment in pure bliss
Holding hands, nothing more

"Would you like to go camping with me in a pop up camper?"
"Well how could I? I can't sleep in the same bed as you, dear."
"No, not now. Like in a few years. I want to see the grand canyon. And I would like for you to come with me to see it"
It all sounded so sweet, how could I say no?
I would love to go back there with you
And do all the things I couldn't do the first time around
Maybe we could walk out on to the glass platform together
And lay out and watch the stars
As I point out constellations
One by one
Castor and Pollux
Orion
Sagittarius
The Pleiades

Perhaps one day we will sit in that same spot in your car
Reclined together, holding hands, listening to "American Pie"
Reminiscing on the day we dreamed about everything we could be
For Someone Special who always making ordinary nights into special ones.
595 · Apr 2014
Epiphany
Kareena Apr 2014
Drop your preconceptions of me at the door
Now look
Who do you see?
Not the person that was there before
I just always wanted a chance
To prove that I was something different
Than who you thought I was
But I only need to prove it to myself
I see that now

I am me

And you are you

I don't need anyone's acceptance but my own
Because, after all, above anyone else
We need to be able to live with ourselves
This was never started to make anyone believe something about myself that wasn't true. I did it for myself.
592 · Apr 2014
From Puddles to Oceans
Kareena Apr 2014
If you're not careful
Your teardrop can turn into a puddle
And that puddle can swell beyond its limits
Forming an ocean
That surrounds you

So look around you
Place your feet on solid ground
Before that teardrop goes too far
Submerges your life
Because you are too beautiful too drown
590 · Sep 2016
Inescapable
Kareena Sep 2016
Insecurities surround me
This is not how I used to be
I don't know what changed
Something broke, something snapped

For a while now I feel it
The fear of hurting others
It commands me to obey
Something demanding, something controlling

And I never knew why
I am consumed by guilt
For voicing my opinion
Something honest, something genuine

I guess it's just because
I never wanted someone else
To feel a modicum of how I felt when hurt
Something disposable, something discarded

So I avoid it at all costs
I take the long way home, but get lost
And I end up hurting others anyway
Something accidental, something unintentional

I have good intentions
But they are masked by the fear
Of hurting others in the end and it is
Something unavoidable, something inescapable
It's hard to live your own life when you're living it for others
589 · Feb 2017
Pure Dream (Part Two)
Kareena Feb 2017
I think I first liked you
Because you were shy
The type of guy who liked to hide
I liked the way your hair curled
How you saw the world
The way you described
Wanting to walk into your kitchen
Far in the future to see me sitting
At the table drinking my morning coffee
The way you said your life
Wouldn't really seem complete
Without this pure dream of you and me
583 · Aug 2017
Mountain Spring
Kareena Aug 2017
I want you
To grab
Fistfulls
and
Fistfulls
Of me
In your
Strong hands
To
Explore
To
Dive
Deep
Inside
Of
Me
Like a
Mountain Spring
That
Will
Never
Stop
Gushing
An endless
Supply
You and I
Are
The
Same
579 · Oct 2016
Choking
Kareena Oct 2016
Asphyxiating on your shadow
Suffocating in the great lack
Smothered by selfishness
Stifled by cognizance
Strangled by an invisible grasp
Someone else's life does not stop just because you cease to be a part of it
577 · Feb 2015
You
Kareena Feb 2015
You
I love to hear your muffled voice
When you answer the phone
If I call you too late or early
And you are still bed

And I love the way you cover me up
If I fall asleep on the couch
Even if I don't look cold
Because you know don't want me to freeze

You are the ideal romantic
You take care of me
Not because you have to
But because you want to

You brush stray hairs off of my face
And tell me when there is something on my back
You are my best friend
You look out for me

You are always there
To lend an ear or a cuddle
Depending on the mood
But, nevertheless, always there

Sometimes I snap
If I have had a bad day
Even though it is not your fault
I should not take it out on you

I don't mean it
Not any of those times
Because, in reality
I want to take care of you too

You've said "No one treats me like you do"
But I still feel like I should treat you better
Because I know it's what you deserve
It's something I can give
574 · Jun 2016
The Fight
Kareena Jun 2016
There have been millions of souls before our own
And millions will fall behind
I'm risking so much, of all I have shown
Even to the best of us, love is blind

We are like a misshapen door
Creaking and wobbling unsteady
We have one hinge hanging on and one on the floor
I know now that I'll never be ready

Sobbing and choking on words I have said
The shaking of heads and deeds that are done
Then comes the silence that I so awfully dread
I am unsure now if you are the one

You spit fire at me, melting all that I see
The lines of scrimmage are dimmed and blurred
Who is right, you or me? There is no in between
With my heart wounded, I am deterred

Then we sit in the quiet unsolved
I cry for a bit, I don't care how I look
It doesn't matter, our fighting never resolves
The way I am left hurt and shook

Is real love supposed to make you wonder?
To make you question everything you thought you knew?
Because I'm drowning in the rocking waves and thunder
Rather than frolicking in the flowers I thought love grew


****** if I do, ****** if I don't with you my dear
Because no matter what I choose, I am at fault
It's either only having you for the rest of my years
Or choosing them and in my wounds pouring salt

So I try to soak in all the words that you've shared
I realize I'm growing up more than I admit
And I know that you have always dutifully cared
Then I looked at you with more insight and wit

You've loved and supported me all this time
Even when I was in someone else's arms
Even when I still had my own mountains to climb
And in the most when you knew I could have been harmed

I don't want to know who is wrong
I don't want to know who is right
I can feel a sense of where I belong
I know where I want to spend the night
574 · Nov 2014
Remembering Today
Kareena Nov 2014
I just want to hold on to today
Grasp it in my hands
Savor each moment as it passes
At least while I can

I look around my house
And think I won't be here
Come a year and I'll be gone
It makes me shed a tear

I love these walls
The memories they hold
The laughs and moments they have witnessed
That lies beneath crown mold

I want to live in now
Before it slips away
Because not too far from now
I'll be remembering today
568 · Oct 2014
Clumsy
Kareena Oct 2014
We are so clumsy
We trip and fall over the wrinkles in time
We stumble over each other
Laughing along the way
You twirl me around as we go
Around and around
Until I see stars

We get caught in our little moments
Like laying on our own private beaches
Swimming in shallow clear waters
Trying to find small creatures
And running along the coast
We laid there for the longest time
When you looked in my eyes and said
"You are so beautiful"

You are a cliche
But in your unintentional way
That allows me to know you mean it

You sneak up right beside me
And sit yourself down
Because somehow you know I need it
That I need you next to me
To keep me sane and to laugh with me
Taking up space and sharing time
Because you need me too
568 · Mar 2014
Suit and Tie
Kareena Mar 2014
There is just some weakness I have
For men that are dressed up with:
Suits and Ties
Dress pants and shiny shoes
A smile and a quiet sense of confidence
Kareena Jan 2014
Everyone has the same terribly written love story
If you think about it

Rose are red, but not always red
And violets are blue, but is that true?

Why does everyone really think their love is so different
If they all feel the same way after it ends?

I see all around me,
People who talk about their lost loves.

"She left me because she lost interest"
"He left me because he moved"
"She left me because she couldn't take it"
"He left me because of someone new"

Then they are forced to wander around,
Saying to themselves:

"Was it my fault?"
"Was it something I said?"
"Was I someone I'm not?"
"I wish I were dead"

But the truth is this,
The things these" hopeless romantics" don't say to themselves:

"It was never your fault"
"Everything was right that you said"
"You were never someone you're not"
"Maybe they just weren't right in the head"
For someone who needs to realize that she was never worth it
551 · Aug 2016
I Remembered Loving You
Kareena Aug 2016
I drove by your house this afternoon
On an errand of a sort other than nostalgia
Looking down the way, I saw your place
I remembered the last time I drove by you

After work I visited you at night
I drove in the dark, I arrived and I parked
And bounded your dimly lit staircase
In a familiar place, I saw your lovely face
And we would melt together in an embrace

You would lead me to your room
I'd close the door, remove my shoes
And we would laugh as I told the night's stories
Then you would kneel over me
And us two became we
But the details are too painful to think of

I remembered loving you today
It was so beautifully excrutiating , I couldn't stay
I turned down another street, feeling so incomplete
Because I can't think of you another way
Maybe that's why I have tried hard not to think of it
551 · Dec 2016
By Your Side
Kareena Dec 2016
Out of all the people
I could have met
Throughout my life
In space and time
I met you and felt
Something new
That no one could recreate
Not with time or practice
You can't learn passion
And in no particular fashion
You appeared just like magic
And made me remember
The way I felt before
Like I had never been gone
Like I had never had him
Like time had not passed
I didn't know it would last
But it has

It was the moment you sung along
Danced like you were alive
You were your true self
And I felt as if my heart were to burst
It felt so full
Just looking at you
Knowing that things work out for a reason
And being sure that I would
Go through all of this agony again
To experience how I felt tonight
Watching you and being by your side
541 · Oct 2016
And I Cried Out for You
Kareena Oct 2016
It was familiar
But not the same
Nothing looked exact
Just a counterfeit
Of what I knew

I talked to your family
In my hazy dream
Mid sentence, you entered
I looked over at you
And broke down

I sobbed like I forgot I could
I just grabbed on to you and cried
For us, the mess we made
Trying to love each other
In these crazy lives we lead

You looked different, you weren't you
And I couldn't help but say
How everything looked different
In between choking on tears
That's all I could say

I clung to you because I needed to
Because I needed you
I sobbed into your chest and shook
As I did so many times before
As I'll never do again

But you were only there as a form
You looked at me with sympathy
But without the same convictions
Without the same emotions
I cried harder

I shouted out for you last night
Said your name, reached to feel you
Because as I'm trying to move on
It's hard to not extend towards you
To hold the hand I grew to know

And as I write this, fully awake
I need to walk away from it all
Because I'm afraid my roommate will see me
Crying at the kitchen table
I have just been trying to distract myself with life to forget about how broken I've felt, I think it's time to deal with it all. I'm tired of feeling so numb towards you. It's time.
539 · Apr 2014
Moving On
Kareena Apr 2014
The well hath run dry
So why do I keep on drilling?
Searching for more emotion
To seep forth
I used to look at you and feel the waterfall of feelings
But now I just look
And inside I feel a desert
An unfeeling tundra
Too numb to sense

I used to hate that silence
That unbearable silence you had over me
But now I live in it
I find solace that maybe no news is better than bad news
I use it to my advantage
Maybe you weren't worth my attention
After all

Because at a certain point
You get sick of remembering
You get nauseous of nostalgia
That is when you can truly move on
The Other One
538 · Mar 2014
My Digital Love
Kareena Mar 2014
My mind always traces it to you
That song that takes me back
To warmer weather

Sitting out on my back porch
In twilight
Almost three years ago
As I listened to that song
For the first time

The one that made you think of me
That surprised me
About you

So now, whenever I hear:
"Last night, I had a dream about you
In this dream, I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
The kind of feeling, I've waited so long"


I think of you
And remembered what it felt like
To be in love for the first time
The other one. Even now, I can remember the exact feeling I had when I listened to that song. And I still can feel it, no matter how far away it is. If you are so inclined about the song, it is "Digital Love" by Daft Punk
538 · Nov 2016
With All Certainty
Kareena Nov 2016
I've worked so hard
To be where I am
To be somewhat okay
By myself
And to be strong
In some regards
And here you are
Are you different?
I need to know
Before I am more
Invested
I've woven so much
Of my heart into you
Over the years
Over so many circumstances
But I need you
To show me you actually care
To want to know
What I'm up to
What I think and feel
To feel like you actually care
About who I truly am
I'm not a back up
A second plan
An alternate route
A drifting thought
Because I can't be that girl
Not for you
Not again
I know with all certainty
I can't stand to be hurt
Not by you
Not again
536 · May 2014
Forgetfulness
Kareena May 2014
Float away
Far, far away
On some cloud going to the middle of nowhere
Go attached to a bunch of balloons
Of different colors and materials
Or on a carrier pigeon
With a small note on its left foot
The method of transportation is of no importance to me
Just be gone
I'm sorry that I was intrigued
When you told me you loved me
It was my mistake
I just wanted to feel something
That I felt a while ago
The way you talked to me at night
Made me think it was somewhat real
Now all I want to do is forget
But that's what you told me to do anyway
Forget you
                  Forget us
                                   Forget feelings
If that is what you want, I'll forget you
No.
I want to do what I want
I want to forget
Therefore, I'll forget
Goodbye Other One.
531 · Dec 2018
Flicker
Kareena Dec 2018
You've not been feeling yourself
A dull kind of ache
A colorless vision

Feels too small to mention
Yet larger than comfortable
I see you inside

I sat in a field, once
Off topic, but it connects
I was thirteen and was offered
A fruit punch with Burnetts
I said no, but watched
As she did and spun around
In that field with that drink
And a sky full of stars

I felt small
In a snowglobe
The stars were just pieces
Of flakes ready to fall
I stared hard at them
And for the first time I saw
Their true light
Never constant
Brighter
Duller
Brighter

And as I reflect
I know that this much is true
Just as the stars are
Even people flicker too
Kareena Feb 2014
She fears him, and will always ask
   What fated her to choose him;
She meets in his engaging mask                  
   All reasons to refuse him;
But what she meets and what she fears
Are less than are the downward years,
Drawn slowly to the foamless weirs
   Of age, were she to lose him.

Between a blurred sagacity
   That once had power to sound him,
And Love, that will not let him be
   The seeker that she found him,
Her pride assuages her, almost,
As if it were alone the cost.
He sees that he will not be lost,
   And waits, and looks around him.

A sense of ocean and old trees
   Envelops and allures him;
Tradition, touching all he sees
   Beguiles and reassures him;
And all her doubts of what he says
Are dimmed with what she knows of days,
Till even prejudice delays,
   And fades—and she secures him.

The falling leaf inaugurates
   The reign of her confusion;
The pounding wave reverberates
   The crash of her illusion;
And home, where passion lived and died,
Becomes a place where she can hide,—
While all the town and harbor side
   Vibrate with her seclusion.

We tell you, tapping on our brows,
   The story as it should be,—
As if the story of a house
   Were told, or ever could be;
We’ll have no kindly veil between
Her visions and those we have seen,—
As if we guessed what hers have been
   Or what they are, or would be.

Meanwhile, we do no harm; for they
   That with a god have striven,
Not hearing much of what we say,
   Take what the god has given;
Though like waves breaking it may be,
Or like a changed familiar tree,
Or like a stairway to the sea,
   Where down the blind are driven.
I love this poem because it makes me see what would have happened if I went back with the other one. Life would have been so unhappy, but I see that breaking up stung and hurt a lot, but it really was for the best.
526 · Nov 2016
Like a Woman
Kareena Nov 2016
We aren't really kids anymore
Yet I still care for you as a child does
With a trusting nature and a wonder
But I want you like a woman does
In all of those ways
In every aspect of the phrase
525 · May 2014
The Enabler
Kareena May 2014
I hate the chase, the drawn out chase
I can't make decisions
I can't hurt people, I physically can't
It hurts me too much
Don't put me in a complicated sitaution
I'm afraid I'll only run away
I am indecisive
I always question myself
Second guessing and ovethinking are my drugs
And I am the enabler
I let myself do it
Slipping into a fantasy, I lose sight of reality and I'm stuck
Stuck in limbo land with myself
Thinking things that aren't true
Things I wished were true
And all I need to get out is to let go
But the high is intoxicating
Blinding, even, so here I stay
521 · Mar 2016
Crossfire
Kareena Mar 2016
I'm stuck in between
What's your right and theirs
And when you place me in center
At me, each side tears

Each side picks their points
In the battlefield of my mind
Each dear to my heart
Each one of them kind

Then, without warning, shots fire
I look left and then right
I'm bombarded from both sides
There's not just black and white

But I see it both ways
I wish, away, I could crawl
You would respect my wishes
If you respect me at all

I want and need to step out
Instead of being stuck in between
To point the cannons at their sources
Instead of at me
518 · Apr 2014
Sunset
Kareena Apr 2014
When the sun dips from the sky
And the moon begins to gleam
Wipe away your day face
And move yourself closer to me

With your worries now gone
And the sun below the horizon
I can see you more clearly
With my pupils beginning to widen

We sit on that hill for a while
With the chromatic hues of the sky above
Now it's only you and I
To explore this thing we call love

So I look into your eyes, they are always clear
And neat and beautiful
And I lay may head on your chest and draw little hearts with my fingers
While I start to, again, feel whole

I can quite explain, I can't quite describe
How it was you that I found
But some part of myself tells me not to question it
As we sit and watch the sun go down
513 · Feb 2015
Addicted to Love
Kareena Feb 2015
I'm addicted to love
I crave the feeling
You give me

When you look my way
Or smile that smile
Oh my, those eyes!

Your essence is intangible
A jungle gym of emotions
Fill my chest when I'm near you
511 · Feb 2017
Reassurance
Kareena Feb 2017
The insecurities that I have felt
Are internal, nothing to do
With something you said or did
Recently, it's just me
I am scared
To depend on you
To need you
I have trust in you
Exponentially more than I used to
It's just taking time,
These things don't happen overnight
Or in a short period of time
Please be patient and stand by me
As much as I'd like my fear
To dissipate instantly
I'm finding comfort in your reassurance
Your loving friendship welcoming me
I do need it, it warms my heart entirely
I just don't like to feel too needy
Like it takes too much work to love me
I find joy in giving you all I have
It's just the receiving part that is troubling
I just ask you hold my hand and understand
Just putting into words something I couldn't quite express a few days ago.
511 · Nov 2016
Tapping
Kareena Nov 2016
I'm mesmerized by you in the front seat of your car
And also the passenger side
Your fingers tapping on the steering wheel
Loving you in the left lane
But also in the right
At noon and midnight
In the quiet of a glance
Or in a crowded room
I can't comprehend your trance
I'm just worried it's too soon
508 · Jul 2016
Stepping Stone
Kareena Jul 2016
I don't feel your touch anymore
I just feel like the place it once stayed
Like stepping stone of a concrete hand print
But the kids have grown up and moved away
Maybe we are stepping stones in each other's lives
507 · Nov 2015
Like the Bright of the Morn
Kareena Nov 2015
Fingers tapping out rhythms of love songs
The beats matching the thumping of our hearts
Your eyes of hazel, so noble, so strong
I knew from then on that we shouldn’t part

But in that time when love seemed too painful
I was leaving all, and you too, behind
To a different state, feeling disdainful
Warfare of apart begins in the mind

But not distance nor life can separate
Your sweet and patient demeanor divine
Reels me in, holds me happy, makes me wait
For more moments, floral as sips of wine

You are a knight dressed in normal clothing
You are the bright of the morn, imposing
Just a sonnet I had to write for creative writing class
501 · Mar 2015
For Real This Time
Kareena Mar 2015
You didn't hurt me
You hurt her
So don't apologize to me

At least she is smart
She actually did it
This time

She isn't coming back
For real, to you

It's different than the other
Five or six attempts

The honeymoon phase was on
But she saw through it
And said goodbye

She meant it and she's gone
Like she ought to have been six years ago

Goodbye is freeing
Although it's painful
Goodbye is them
*Them is gone
I think it is for real this time. Let's hope I'm not wrong.
Kareena May 2014
Times are changing
People aren't the same
I'm still here
First attempt at a Haiku.
496 · Dec 2016
Cantina Lights
Kareena Dec 2016
I remember that night quite well
Went assuming you'd be there
Knowing it would be hell

Nervous shakes, biting lip
Laughs too loud
Daydream trip

I slipped into thought
Forgot where I was
Summer night, boiling hot

Crimson lipstick stained
On my white button up
Smile hiding heart pained

You appear as I hoped
Black shirt and tie
My heart in throat choked

After years of pining
Unrequited love
Was all I was finding

Your dark hair twisted
Light eyes to contrast
I regretfully resisted

No contact at all
Not eye or speech
Yet deeper I fall

Fast-forward still
Later that night
Heat subsides to chill

Lights reflect in my eyes
Strung like pearls on a necklace
And I'm hypnotized

Standing there wishing
Your hand was in mine
Romanticizing, reminiscing

A walk alone in the midnight garden
An open frame of mind
Instead of a heart hardened

It wouldn't have felt so out of place
For me to have met you there
To have a silent and secret embrace

For you, I felt so open
But you never found me there
I had just been hoping
Over the summer
495 · Nov 2016
Pure Dream
Kareena Nov 2016
Oh how I wish, quite dreamily
I could feel you breathing beside me
To fall asleep and under your charms
Your strong hands and arms
Wrapped around my waiting waist
Right now, there is no other place
That I would want to be
Than having you next to me
Pulling me closer till we collide
Very quietly in the night time
Sheets entangling us together
I could stay there forever
Then we wouldn't have to leave
This pure dream of you and me
494 · Jul 2016
Blame it on the Billy Joel
Kareena Jul 2016
Do I want to reach out
To you tonight?
Or is it just the Billy Joel
Urging me to connect?
To stretch my hand
Into the night
I am not helped by
The encircling melodies
Of our beautiful memories
I must be in a
New York State of Mind
Because I am reminded
Of the way you told me
You've never visited
And I planned to take you
For you to feel the energy of the streets
That the song mirrors
And I recall how we danced
In the dimly lit street
To Piano Man
While the sound echoed
From the speakers of your car
Oh, and the way I played
She's Always a Woman
At my piano recital
While you knew the notes
I would play before they
Spilled out of my finger tips
I flash back
To our first Valentine's Day
Our own Scenes From an Italian Restaurant
Gnocchi topped with red sauce
Red ties and candlelight
Swing dancing to the saxophones
Sitting on a crescent moon
Sharing a kiss next to stars
But somehow I worried
That we would turn into
Brenda and Eddy
After the piano solo
I never could live that kind of life
And when we fought
I took a trip to Vienna
Where I was reminded
That I am just a crazy child
Who is only afraid of hurting you
But I realized that I needed
To get what I wanted
Before I got too old
And I knew, hidden in the lyrics
That I needed to leave
For my own sake
I couldn't compromise
My own happiness

But despite it all
I don't know if I can
Ever hear his soothing voice
Without thinking of
Your hands on my hips
Your kiss on my lips
Or your love in my life
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