You told me you don't feel wanted by me
Like I brush you aside
A back up plan
A second entrance
Instead of a center stage
A last resort of mild interest
A second choice made hastily
And it hurts

But I don't try to brush you aside
Sometimes I'm just tired
I want to want you
Like you want me
A steady stream
A constant force
But I can't always be
What you want
I want to want you so desperately
But sometimes I just need my space
Away for a little bit

I feel like I was better at loving him
I felt for him like you feel about me
I was not so nonchalant
I loved without reason
Instead of being grounded and practical

What happened to me?
Where did my love go?

It must have picked up its jacket,
Folded its newspaper,
Promptly stold up,
And walked the opposite direction
When he left
Because I haven't seen the same love since.

I was hit on today
For one of the first times in my life
It was shocking to me
That a man
Would have the tenacity
To walk up to me
Look me up and down
And ask me for my phone number
For a "friend" who saw me walk by
And thought I was "hot"

After I let him down by revealing my relationship status
I felt strange
Since when have men felt this way about me?
Enough to obviously hit on me in public?
I did not think I was attractive enough
Or sent those "Come get me, boys" vibe
To be one of those girls they cat called

I was always the ugly friend
The one they looked past
The DUFF
But now I guess it is different

But even though I'm different,
I'm still not one of those girls who knows
How to handle being hit on

They tell me that you love her a lot
They can see it in your eyes
They can hear it in your voice
I don't need to wonder why

When I heard that it was her
You love a lot, as they told me
My heart panged a little
And I looked towards my feet

But I felt a peace on the inside
Happy that you were in love
Even if it wasn't with me.
Because if you love someone, they must be free

Today I realized that this is love
I can let you go
And love you at the same time
By letting you love her
Like I had hoped you would love me
But by being at peace about it

I want you to be content
I want you to love her
I want you to love life
I want you to love you
**A lot

My Easter
Is not
A coloring
Of eggs
A consumption
Of candy
A celebration
Of spring

Rather it's
Something larger
Profound as
The coloring
Of blood
The consumption
Of communion
The celebration
Of resurrection

Because Easter
Isn't about
Baby chicks
And bunnies.
But rather,
Forgiveness and
Salvation
Amen

And even
If I
Didn't go
To church
On Sunday,
God is
Where ever
I go
Because the
Curtain split
God and
Man are
No longer
Separated by
A barrier
Of tapestry

I think I'm broken
I can't write anymore
Fragments of thoughts
Silly as they seem
Float in and out
But never solidify
Into the poetry I once could write

But did I ever really write poetry?
To me, poetry is not
Simple words
In a stanza
A couple rhymes
Iambic pentameter
"Where  for  art  thou  Romeo?"
­
To me, poetry is emotion
It is a raw feeling
The kind you are guilty having
But still experience nonetheless

It's holding on to a fragment of something
When you believe it is all you have left
But at the same time
Believing so much more is waiting for you

I always thought of so much poetry
When I looked at you
When I saw your face
When I heard your voice
But never felt courageous enough
To share the verses and rhymes
That echoed in my head

So after you left
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall
In my heart
And cracked, spilling out all the verses
I never shared
On to here, Hello Poetry

But surprisingly,
The egg shells I always tred on when you were around
Disintegrated
Because for once, I could write how I felt
And thought that even if you read it
You wouldn't care anyway

I feel like I'm broken
Because I've always written of love
But since that never really goes away
All the kings horses and all the kings men
**Couldn't put Humpty together again