I know
that i am hurting
I know
masks are better, cuter, more mature
I know
somedays can be good but even then
I still evaluate myself
And see if im good enough
Im not, like ever
I want to be different
My mental illness
Well that can just go away
I want
To be
I want
this
I want
That

Your fingers are like razors
On my body
Cutting deep and sliding along every inch
You cut my insides
When i say it hurts it gets deeper
Making it one-sided consent
You cut the places you shouldn't have
Now i am scarred
And scared

His eyes blink effortlessly
His mouth smiles temporarily
His love leaves marks as long as
Gravity is on earth

The words you use to hurt me
Rip it like the used paper in my journal

Slide your fingers along my body
Your fingers like razor blades
Cutting deep
Along every curve, every crevice, everywhere
Kiss me where you want even my lips
I know i know
that kissing on the lips mean “too intimate”
But so is what we are doing
Keep it a secret and when it gets out
Let your voice box play the same scratched record
“That lying **”
Then come back and fill the holes of my heart
But i know you want to fill my other ones instead
Tell me you like it when i do that thing with my mouth
But little do you know my mouth
Holds power
Even though I am your greatest accomplishment
I am in your closets covered in dust
But is still always there for you
My body is washed of you
But somehow the water
Is red as i drain it
Use my body for a different kind of trophy
I want you to paint the world on my back
So i dont know whats to come of my life
you will be the death of me
My death is going to be a sleep with no dreams
And no point of waking up
Even with the slightest touch
Or the loudest whisper
The voice that made my day could be
The very voice that sends the feeling of nails running down my back
Claws like the ones on that guy who
Said he loves me
His voice so sincere when she talks to me
But too hurtful to believe

You are the reason i love
To write

I would always write to you in jail

You are the reason i don't know
When to cry

I would always cry when i saw
Your back turned because i was
Afraid it was the last time i would see it

You are the reason i write with
Such motivation

I would always be motivated to convince you
That you should come home

You are the reason i am afraid to love

I would always have a part of me that was shattered
After you left