First poem to Tina as my lover no more.

I.

Three years and eight months.
My closest. My one.
She'd stayed through madness
Enough.
I am a man of demons.
As I slayed the last one
I turned to see her having fallen
For the blow
As well.
Women and children
Die first.

II.

We cry. We kiss and cry.
Make love crying.
Laugh crying.
Leaving streaks on her back
Of salty regret
As I kiss her every single
Detail farewell.
How can gratitude for love
Hurt like being hated
By a loved
One?

III.

I take full responsibility.
Never raised a hand, but spoke
Hard and disgusting
Bottled anger.
Her leaving makes it
Poetry; lends meaning.
I'll drink again, but the drunk
Demon
Is dead.

IVa.

Today I'll come home
And forget to cook
For just one.
That Volvo will never
Come speeding down the
Gravel road again containing
Other than an ex
Coming to collect
More things that are no
Longer
Ours.

IVb.

No longer mine. I say like all
Others in grief: *This pain
Is new to me.
I embrace it on the floor
Holding her sweater
That I burned a little
Warming it on the stove for
Her in winter.
Then it's into the box
With it.
I'll leave a tear on her every
Garment, thanking for
The love and passion
They held within.

V.

I look up at skies as blue
As they come.
I will live here alone.
Thanking for all the beauty,
And all we learned from
What wasn't.
All is how it should be.
This was our road to
Travel together.

Be well. Be loved. Be safe.
You owe me nothing.
Be happy for this;
There's growth in it.
You are no longer my
Girlfriend, but you'll
Always be my
Girl.

"Together" was our word.
To Get Her was
My most gracious gift
Since Life.
Now let me cry
Like a child lost.
Then I'll move on,
Being neither.

Crushed to death
Without space for breath.
Struggling with inner force,
Yet lacking remorse.
To say I tried,
would mean I lied.
But trying isn't enough
when the going gets tough.
Sick of it all,
& awaiting the fall.
Which is why,
I must say,
*Goodbye

Learning could be fun
Learning could get boring
Learning is way of obtaining knowledge
But society expects us to gain a certain type of knowledge
This learning is supposedly the only way for us to be successful
But is it really?
Society does not understand that it is not everyone who is able to survive through this learning
But they still judge and cast shame upon you
This type of learning puts so much pressure on you
That you end up feeling not good enough
Yes it's great for your future somehow and enables you to engage in all types of conversions
But it oppresses our mentalities and curbs us from reaching our fullest potential
Other things are looked down upon because of this learning
Parents do not allow us to pursue other things because of this learning
"My daughter is not a dancer"
"My son is not an artist"
This learning seizes us from freedom
But is set out to be light and a form of liberation
I am grateful for having this type of learning and yes it teaches me a lot
But I want to be what I want to be
I don't just want to impress this learning
I want to be greater than this learning hence I believe it is not the only usher to my success
I want to build me and leave my own indigenous legacy
This learning is EDUCATION

Love is not kind
Love is not sweet
Love is like a million knives piercing all skin cells and tissue that exist in your body
You give it out in hope that you will receive it back
But you just stand there like a macho man deflating by the day waiting for it to transpire
You grow weak by the day because it knows that it has power over you
Insecurity, pain, few-second joy, sorrow, anguish and despondency become your closest of mates.
As much as they may not understand what you are going through, they are still there
Piercing through your eyes trying to see if their job has been done
Love is not what people say it out to be
"Oh babe I love you so much"
It ends up making people say this
"I regret the day that I ever lay my eyes on you"
Hurt and pain is all that structures your life.
Love is a choice and as much as I may have decided to have it in my life,
I am not guaranteed that it will be there forever
Seasons change and so do people
Now all that is left for me to do is to prepare, sit and just wait.

Pain, so demanding.
Always needing to be felt.

Why?
Why can't I just be alone,
without the pain,
without the agony.

You can pull out that razor,
slice all you want.
You're still gonna feel the pain.
You're still gonna feel the hurt.

I'm stronger than that pain.
Better than that pain.

But that is a lie.
Because pain, pain will always be felt.

If death were to be a friend, we'd be sitting together drinking hot chocolate and having marshmallows in our pink sleepwear and pink blankets.
If death had to be a mother, it would be scolding and correcting my ways of doing things.
If death were to be a sister, we would be fighting on who looks prettier today.
If death were to be a crush I had, I'd be smiling alone each time I think of it and saving cute lil pictures of it.
If death were to be my roommate, we'd share past experiences during late nights and how strong we should stick together as a unit.
If death were to be school, **** I'd be running every single second of my life from that bully in school or the lessons that just drain your energy including the liquid that surrounds your eyeballs.
If death were to be sports, I'd be doing what I love and keeping fit.
But death is not any of that.
Death is what rips your soul away from you.
Death is what seizes you from your family and friends.
Death is what makes people forget about your existence in this world.
Death is what makes you think twice before making either that one final big move, or the dumbest and biggest mistake of your life.
Hence death is not pretty.
It is a lesson that should teach many that if their destinies have not been fulfilled, then their purposes have not been served,