I saw you standing there
The world around you
Sparkled and glowed
I knew you were electric
I knew you'd be the closest
I'd ever get to real magic

In my almost twenty one years,  I have come to realize my existence isn't for me. I wasn't brought into this world for me, or just for the sake of my existence. My existence isn't for me, I wasn't meant to be happy. So every shred of happiness, I hold in my hands, tightly, till it turns to dust. Till it turns to tears. That I shed to release the sadness left behind. I'm not on this planet for me. My tears won't change that. I was born for everyone else.

Can we just chill for a bit? It doesn't have to be on some romantic type ****. Just some 'let's get together' type ****. Smoke blunt and just do whatever type ****. Cause we're friends right? And I don't need all the benefits. I just need someone- someone who'll be around, who'll give a ****. I'm just reaching for some company. Hoping you'll hit me up, just to see what's up with me. We don't have to get up or anything, but I do know this park up the street and the city just installed new swings. So if you're down... I'll push you, you push me? Or we can take a walk and just talk about things. Get lost and forget what tomorrow might bring. Or take a drive, hit the interstate, let our minds break free. We can even just sit on the roof, stare up at the stars and relax. We can just be. You know, together, just you and me. And we don't have to be together in any other sense of the word, just be here physically. And we don't have to be together, if that's what's going through your mind. If you want more, I'm fine. And if you don't, I promise, I'm fine. All I'm reaching for is some company. So if you're down, I'm here. Come see what's up with me.

So you're not answering the phone anymore, is that what this means? Do you not want my voice anymore? Cause that's kinda how is seems.
   I wish I could forget you, but we both know I don't mean that. I think about you all the time, my mind and heart are constantly in combat.
      I was just calling to know you're okay, not trying to ruin your day- But I wanted to make sure you haven't forgotten about me
I know you're back where you want to be, just in time too- It feels like you've taken the summer with you.
            I know you were looking for happiness, and I hope she's the key. I hope she builds you up to everything you could possibly be. I just hope you don't forget where you came from, at least not in the years to come

I know this wasn't home for you
                           But you were home for me.

I'm not the girl you'd write songs about
Or even a poem
I'm not the one you'd write home about
Or even mention
I'm not the girl you'd stay up thinking about
Or on the phone with till 2am
You're not going to cry over me
Or read about me in a book
I'm not going to break your heart
Cause you'll never fall
Not for me at least
Cause I'm not the girl

I never think much about the fact that I am black.
I know I am black.
Like I know I am a girl,
Like I know I am an American,
Like I know I am nineteen.
It is a fact; I am black.

I hate when people say I am not.
My parents are black.
Their parents are black.
We are black.
Look at my skin,
It's dark and it's beautiful.
How could I not be black?
I am black.

I hate when people say I don't 'act' black.
How does one act to be considered black?
How am I acting? How is it not black?
Look at my skin,
It's dark and it's beautiful.
How could I not act black?
I am black.

I hate when people say I speak like a white person.
A way of speaking is not exclusive to race.
I am not white.
I do not speak like a white person.
My words are coming out of my black mouth.
I speak properly,
The way my black parents raised me to.
Look at my skin,
Its dark and it's beautiful.
How could I not speak black?
I am black.

I HATE when people say I am a white person trapped in a black body.
I have NEVER heard anything more insulting.
I am NOT trapped.
This color is NOT a cell.
I wear it proudly.
Look at MY skin,
It is DARK and it is BEAUTIFUL!
How could I ever be trapped?
I am black.

I am in no way white,
Nor do I ever want to be.
I am black
And black is beautiful

Sometimes I really want to quit my jobs,
erase all the numbers from my phone,
pack some clothes,
stuff all my savings in my pockets,
grab my camera,
and just
go.

Sometimes I fill half my suitcase.
Sometimes I take all the money out of my account.
Sometimes I wait till the last minute to decide I'm going to work.
Sometimes I leave out of the house, walk halfway down the street without looking back.
I can only ever make it halfway.

I've heard you come out and have been
The past year has been hard
          
Im so scared for the future,
              
please visit
      
Im scared and I love it,
          
I hope you have a lot of fun.
I will not be the best thing about it.
I have to let you know that I love you.

I saw a shooting star once;

No one believed me.
But the next day,
Around four that afternoon,
My wish came true.

It came in a small voice
From a small body
Softly spoken but loud
Excited words
Flying from every direction.

It can with tears,
From my eyes
And smiles so wide.

It all came in a three minute conversion,
From a phone thousands of miles away.
One of the best I'll ever have.

And even though they say
It was a coincidence
A wonderful one
To me, it was a wish come true.

Some times he wins
And I'd like to say
its all because I let him,
but really,
he's just
That Good

He doesn't make me loose control
But sometimes,
He makes it feel good
Feel just good enough to let go

It's Dark*
And I'm cold
All the covers
Bunched up on your side
If I reach
Stretching just so
My fingertips
May just graze
Your warm skin
And when I try
To move closer
Just a bit
You seem to drift away
  
        Can you feel me?
My desperation,
See it in your dreams?
   Does my skin chill you?
Every time my fingertips
  Dance   across yours

I can hear you
Your shallow breathing
It's keeping me awake
Every time you breathe in
         You take
A little more
Of me
Into you
But with every breath
You push
Even more
Of me
  Out
Into the universe
Still away from me

I'm laying here
With you
Just out of reach
It's dark
And I'm cold*
But you're still asleep.

But if I died,
Would you love me then?
Would you mourn me, 
Plant flowers on my grave?
Pray for me, 
With every passing day.
If I died
Would you see my beauty then?
Tell people, 
That if I had another chance
You wouldn't make the same mistakes again? 
Would you cry at my funeral?


*Would you even attend

I'd Stay
If I thought there'd be someone here missing me
Praying for me to come back to them
Hoping I found what I was looking for
So I could hurry back to them.
So I could be back here, in their arms.

Someone who would want me to go
So I didn't miss out on my dreams
Someone who would offer to come with me
Or just say they'll be here when I get back
Say they'll wait for me

Stand at the end of the drive
And wave till I'm out of sight
Smile when they get my post cards in the mail
And laugh at my little adventures

Someone - anyone, who'll miss me when I'm gone.

Forgive me
Never forget me
Though I'm out of sight
Don't let me out of mind
Don't banish me from your heart
You were never mine,
But I've loved you from the start...

I got lost in the ocean one day,
The waves swept me up,
And carried me away.

Under the tide,
Deeper I went,
It's darkness surrounded me,
Made me safe, content.

I was secure in my ocean,
But I don't want to be in it anymore.
I don't think I can take it anymore.
I want out of the sea,
I want shore.
I don't want to drown anymore.

I guess I'll just have to bear it,
Cause I can't take seeing that look on your face
I guess I'll just have to bear it
Cause I don't want to be another heartbreak
I don't want to hurt you
I don't want you hurt
I'm trying to protect you
But I can't find the right words
I'll just have to bear it
And let you walk away
I'll just have to bear it
I won't be the one to make to stay
To make you give up on your dreams
I just couldn't do that to you

He walks like an angel
And talks with an angle
He sees right through me
And for the lock on my heart
He has the key
He knows all my secrets 
He holds them in his eyes
And better than anyone 
He can see through my disguise
He loves my regardless 
But hates me all the same
He jumps through hoops
But won't play my games

I cant read him
But he knows my every line
And even when I say I am
He knows I'm not fine
He always protects me
Though he'd rather leave me for dead
He knows what I'm thinking
Without it being said
I can't get rid of him 
Not even if I tried
He's embed in my soul
So I have nowhere to hide

You prolly don't realize it, 
but it hurts...  
Everything hurts, 
And my heart feels like it's on fire
My tears scorch and burn
But I cant make them stop
I wish you all would notice
I wish you all could just pretend to care
Because it just hurts 
And your all the cause
It just hurts
so much

I wonder if he hears that song
And thinks of me
If it makes him cry
If it makes him weep
Until his throat is sore
And he just can't breath
I hope he thinks of me

It's funny
Because it's sad
Because it's real
Because of every reason it shouldn't be funny-
It is.

I'd like to think that I've ruined you for any other girl
That you'll always come back to me
That I'll always be in your heart and on your mind
Because you can't get rid of me
I'm different from anything you've had
From anything you'll ever have
You'll never find a girl
As right for you as me

And I hope I invade you dreams at night
And haunt your thoughts in the day
I hope you know that I'm the one who made you this way 
I've marked you 
As mine forever after 
My sent is stuck on you
Your mine

So claim me as yours

You stroke your violin
And tickle your guitar
Your hands glide over the piano
And bang on the drums
Such talented hands
Accompanied by that beautiful voice
Your eyes promise life
But your actions tell the truth
Intimate whispers
Unpracticed lies
The fall of a great
The heartbreak of a minor
Life by your design
Music came first
The baring of a soul 
In every verse

My lips mouth the lyrics
But I trip over the lines
The chorus picks up
And I can't follow along
I take a breath
And the music changes
A song I've never heard
The rift strikes hard
I'm being left behind
I never have a chance,
Did I?

Some kids cant afford ****** 
So they come to me
I can get them their fix
I can get them what they need
And this is hope
They're shooting in their veins
This is love 
That's breaking their reins
This is their paradise
Where the rich kids come to play

For the kids with their lungs filled with smoke
I'm their breath of air
I'm there for the kids
Who think no one cares
I can give them paradise
A runaway escape 
Light beyond the tunnel 
A detour from the road
They travel each day

The dealers leave them with nothing
So they come back for more
I leave them with everything
So they don't need their next score
And this is hope
They're shooting in their veins
This is love 
That's breaking their reins
This is their paradise
Where the rich kids come to play

So heres to the lost ones
The ones that don't know what to do
I let them know they're worth it
That their dreams can come true
Their dreams become endless
And they still wish on stars
They won't give up
Theres a new feeling in their hearts
And this is hope
They're shooting in their veins
This is love 
That's breaking their reins
This is their paradise
Where the rich kids come to play
This is their escape

my words were spoken.
my love has been written.
my life read
in my dreams while in bed
nothing new all the same
my life like a small game
my words have been spoken
with many hearts broken
i speak what i want
i speak what i mean
wont let my heart be broken
with words left unspoken
so i speak

I write the lyrics on the wall,
But all the words seem so dull.
Words scramble in my brain,
Making me go insane.
Words clutter on the page,
Every letter filled with rage.
Cloudy dreams,
All intervene.
Cant find that inspiration,
With every actuation.
Just cant find the words to say,
All comes out so cliché.
Hard to write what I'm feeling,
Words come out by the million.
Nothing seems to make any since,
Trying to make the meaning dense.
Just cant find the words to say,
Its about time to throw the book away.

Seek into the wounds
fell the pain you've caused.
Pound on the mettle gates
trapped behind cold bars.
Hear the aching screams
tilt your head to the stars.
Melt in their sorrow
Drown in their tears.
Feeding from their fear
While watching them so close.
Seeing chaos break thought
Because of the path you chose.
Sink into their nightmares
The ones they suffer each day.
Thinking its just a game
Your game that makes them pay.
Whipping through the chains
Listening for cries of pain.
No way left to stay sane
As the numbness takes over their brain.
You just laugh it all off
Not caring for what you’ve done.
This is the end
But you still haven’t won.

The day you said 'I love you',
I became breathless and had nothing to say.
And I could see the hurt in your eyes,
as you began to walk away.
But what did you expect?
For me to answer right away?
In a blink of a eye you were gone,
Not waiting to see what I had to say.
What if I said I loved you right back?
What if I said it right away?
What if I was to ask what took you so long?
What if you weren't wrong?
What if those words had come from my mouth?

For years I've wanted to tell you,
For years I wanted to shout .
For so long I have been biting my tongue,
It's bleeding for me to just spit it out.
I wanted to say that for days,
I wanted to tell you in so many ways.
But you will never know
'cause once you made up your mind to walk away,
I found all the words I wanted to say.

I think the world is ending
And maybe it’ll happen soon
I think the world is ending
I need something to hold on to.

The world is ending,
and maybe it's my fault.
Too bad the world is ending
Maybe I could have made up all my flaws.

I wonder how it will end
Maybe our deaths will be slow
So we can watch the angels and demons rise
And say our goodbyes
Watch our cries land on death ears
And we beg for mercy
Because of all the time we’ve wasted over the years
I think the world is ending,
So it may be too late
For me to mention
The things I never got to say.

Dr.Seuss has gone bad,
He wrote a book
And called it chicken salad
They tore it apart and analyzed it
Then their heads exploded in though
Because they were just random curse words and rhymes
Put together to make you think
It made no since
But it was real…

They had no words to describe it
So they called it chicken salad

It spoke to words of a thousand lost souls

It was new,

But they knew it was a special

So they locked up his lyrics

And hid him from the world

Taking away his voice.

'Cause reality was too much
Something they couldn't face.

Who are you to claim normality,
‘Cause normal is so overrated.
And the most ironic thing is that,
normal seems so different.
The fact of the matter is that normal,
just like perfect, is so unrealistic.
A fantasy to the imagination,
‘Cause everyone is different.
Saying that you are normal is so odd.
Being normal is so bland.
So unusual to us all.
Everyone is a critic,
With their own perception of what normal should be.
But just because you say your normal,
You can’t convince me.

Teach Me To Drown
‘Cause I’m tired of staying afloat
I want to drown
‘cause I cant breath
I want all the water
To sink into me

And if you don’t mind
I’d like to continue drowning now
I’d like to continue drowning you out
And If you don’t mind
I’d like to let go
I want all the water to engulf me

One step closer
Almost there
And now the ground is gone
And you feel so free
And the water surrounds me

I’m tired of floating
I want to sink
And I’m tired of thinking
I want all my thoughts to drift away
I’m tired of Breathing
I wanna suffocate
I wanna fade

And if you don’t mind
I’d like to continue drowning now
I’d like to continue drowning the world out
But I don’t want to be alone
So take my hand
And teach me to drown

If I wrote you a song,
it would be the saddest song I ever sing.
And I can't help but smile,
At the thought of how many frowns it would bring.
With all the tears raining from your eyes,
What did you expect from me this time?
A kind loving rhyme?
Your ignorance should be a crime.

So, here’s that song you wanted
I wrote this just for you
So wipe your tears
And stay till I’m through
You’ll enjoy this
I promise, you’ll hate me
When I’m through

Your laugh is like a disease,
The way it slowly spreads through me.
Your smiles
Make my heart swell
And my mouth ***** insults.
So maybe its crazy to say
I love to watch you cry,
But I can't stand the though
Of goodbye?
I can’t believe
That you can’t see
What you’re doing
To me.

You’ll probably hate me for this,
But that’s what I’m aiming for
I want you to hate me
I can’t take this anymore.

Here’s that song you wanted
I wrote this just for you
So wipe your tears
I’m almost through
So if I wrote you a song,
it would go a little like this
And when I sing it, you'll cry
And yell your goodbye.
And I'll wonder what I did wrong,
But it was all because of this song

Here’s that song you wanted
I wrote this just for you
So wipe your tears
And stay till I’m through
You’ll hate me when I’m through
I promise, you’ll hate me when I’m through

You’ll enjoy this
You’ll hate me when I’m through
I hope you hate me when I’m through
But I just wanted to say
*I love you too’