This is a true, but amusing tale,
Hope your laughter does not fail,
'Tis a saga of a cockatoo,
Of life, he held a jaundiced view,
At the going down of the sun,
Cocky embellished his own fun,
And at the rising of each dawn,
Cocky's catharsis our ears did adorn,
The parrot kept talking, none listened to he,
Cocky had such a vivid vocabulary,
All starting with "F...ing C...'s"!
We heard his morning matins, you see,
His vespers were hard to believe,
'Twas sociolinguistic acquisition, prithee,
His jaded look at society,
Swearing is cathartic, but so lazy......

This was a horror day,
Hitchcock's Day of the Bogans', let's say,
Grand Final Day of 2017,
The A.F.L.'S very worst dream,
When Crows played Tiges, so it seems,
Until power blacked out at 2:30,
No play was to be seen,
Then! A bomb scare at the M.C.G.,
The whole match was on stall,
But wait! That was not all,
They had to evacuate them all,
The bogans had a mighty brawl,
So Tigers played with themselves, good call,
Then! Seven inches of rain on the M.C.G.,
A field of rain and  mud was to be seen,
They had a regatta, it was now Henley,
The A.F.L's very worst dream,
Hitchcock's Day of Bogans at the M.C.G.,
Grand Final Day in 2017......

Here's life for you and me,
In a Western Liberal Democracy,
We voted for politicians, in reality,
So we got politicians, quite literally,
We don't believe a word they say,
With media hype and fear campaigns,
Yes, sad, but true, for you and me,
We live in a Western Liberal Democracy,
Does such exist in reality?
We voted for politicians, Tweedledee,
or Tweedledummers, pollies for democracy!
Sarcasm, you really need me!

(To the tune of "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree!)
Today, I was offered a job, prithee,
Tutoring crims in literacy,
Silent reading for all the he's,
I'd be part of their conspiracy,
They'd all have a million dollars, you see,
Buried under the jail's old oak trees,
For their chicks and kids to live comfortably,
That's why they like gardening, you see,
It looks like the gophers have been,
The crims have left the scene!
They swiped the prison bus,
Forgot about "Literacy and Us!"
The governor put the blame on me!
So much for teaching prison literacy,
Now there's lots of holes under the jail's old oak trees,
Yes, the gophers have been,
The crims have left the scene,
All with a million dollars, you see,
Well, they learnt to spell 'conspiracy',
That was my job teaching literacy!

I guess this is a funny tale,
I still reflect, silent wail,
There I was, giving birth,
Snicker for what it's worth,
"Excuse me, sister, I'm having a contraction!"
Did that cause a nurse reaction!
They must have thought I was a dipstick,
Laughing away in their lipsticks!

Long ago, way back when,
I was teaching five year olds then,
The funniest things happen to me,
One day I had different coloured shoes, you see,
One brown, one blue, gross, prithee,
Preps said very loudly to me,
"You're the silliest teacher we've ever seen."
So much for teaching them literacy,
The joke was on me, quite definitely,
Still, I guess I can survive anything,
It's called my worst day of teaching.......

I have found some weird things in my time,
I went to a footy dinner along the line,
The young lads were flicking peas,
And all their vegetables, if you please,
When home, my hair was full of carrots and peas,
Never went to footy dinners again, you see,
We do learn from experience, dodge them peas!
"Boys will be boys!"  I ponder so wisely......