this is why I'm so careful not to catch feelings,
not to meet someone like you.

I knew I wasn't ready (I'm still not)

but now you're gone and I'm wondering
     where you are
     what you're doing
     if you've met someone better than me yet

i never used to smoke
but since you left,
it’s the only time i can seem to breathe

its not a lover i need to fulfill my desires,
it is a partner consistent in growing through the madness
and only seeing its potential.

the first time he cheated on me
I felt the earth ripped out from underneath my feet

the second time he cheated on me
I cried into my pillow and couldn't for the life of me fall asleep

the third time he cheated on me
I let my mother hold me
which I never do

the fourth time he cheated on me
my friends told me you should do it too

the fifth time he cheated on me
I slept curled in a ball for days and days

the sixth time he cheated on me
he promised emma, its just a phase

the seventh time he cheated on me
I heard the line boys will be boys

the eighth time he cheated on me
I punched my closet door until my sister yelled
whats that noise

the ninth time he cheated on me
I drank until I felt the ***** racing through my veins

the tenth time he cheated on me
I traced my wrists with razors
down like high way lanes

the eleventh time he cheated on me
he said at least she isn't fat

the twelth time he cheated on me
I said no
**** that