i do not believe in soul mates
however souls, i put all my faith in
i do not believe in love at first sight
which is convenient considering i cannot manage to remember when i first saw you.
i do not believe in true love
however there are many loves that are true
i do not believe in perfection
however i love every inch of you
even the parts that i hate
even the parts i do not believe in
i do not want to be naive
i do not want to be cracked open
i do not want to be known
yet i'd say anything, do anything
im as impulsive as the storms that rage outside my window
i think of you
i think of doubts
i do my best not to think
if you were here then i couldn't

On Raglan Road on an autumn day I met her first and knew
That her dark hair would weave a snare that I might one day rue;
I saw the danger, yet I walked along the enchanted way,
And I said, let grief be a fallen leaf at the dawning of the day.

On Grafton Street in November we tripped lightly along the ledge
Of the deep ravine where can be seen the worth of passion's pledge,
The Queen of Hearts still making tarts and I not making hay -
O I loved too much and by such and such is happiness thrown away.

I gave her gifts of the mind I gave her the secret sign that's known
To the artists who have known the true gods of sound and stone
And word and tint. I did not stint for I gave her poems to say.
With her own name there and her own dark hair like clouds over fields of May

On a quiet street where old ghosts meet I see her walking now
Away from me so hurriedly my reason must allow
That I had wooed not as I should a creature made of clay -
When the angel woos the clay he'd lose his wings at the dawn of day.

i'm stuck in traffic
during a rain storm
in the middle of the night 
and i'm subtly reminded 
of when you stopped 
holding my hand 
as much as you used to
the cracks in the windshield
remind me of us
i cross another county line
and i think it's just like you
same place
new name
my veins are power lines
running through this ghost town
i'm so full of electricity 
but no one taps into it
i guess i'm useless
it's been a long time
since i've seen anything special
in the shapes of the clouds 
i don't think hurricanes
know that they destroy so much
maybe that's why you don't know
that i'm in this kind of pain
the cracks in my windshield 
are getting bigger
i think it's going to shatter soon 
could you imagine
the window shattering
and the glass coming at me
as i'm speeding
down this dark and rainy road
i don't have to imagine
i've already met you

[holyoak]

My lips were still parted

as I walked heavy hearted
dragging my feet
like darkness,
across a dimly lit street.

I stopped 4 times.

Four times
between the security gates
and the bed
your scent still slept in.

1
You turned to walk away.
I couldn't breathe,
like my lungs had learned
your leaving.

I begged you to turn around,
in whispers,
through heaving.

I wondered if they had run me through
the x ray machine,

the way they did the rest of your baggage,

would they have been able to see it break me.

The rungs of my ribs
collapsing
under each step we took apart.

my heart sinking in my chest,
like treasure.

My hands clenched around each other
if not out of loneliness,
than in prayer
for you,
for yours.

(Walk)

2
I didn't know where I was going
at first,
I thought my moving, madness.
See?
You wouldn't really go.


I didn't make it to the elevator.

Nothing about me in that moment,
could fit into a box
I couldn't be brought down any further
I couldn't watch the doors close
on the only forever I ever had.

Too much symbolism will get to you like that.

The way I see you in
clocks and calendars,
still clinging to a countdown
your watch would stop short of.

I can still hear mine tick.

The way I smell you in
cocoa butter and ocean mist,
our love belonged on a beach
but swam too far from shore.

The way I taste you in
red wine and cigarettes,
I was drunk on your stare,
But you know those things will **** you.

The way I feel you in
poetry and panic,
praying into my palms
until my body felt holy.

Sometimes I write to your God.

(Take the stairs)

3
I'm outside.
The air is lit like a cigarette.
My body,
frayed
like a fuse.

Im bursting at the seems
of a skin that has never quite fit me.
Pounding on the doors of a mind
who can't remember
why?

I recalled every moment
you held forever in your eyelids,
then blinked.
When suddenly it hit me,
what if this time you really meant
goodbye?

I was trapped in wide open space.
Like the ones between my fingers.
like the one growing in my stomach,
like the one on the other side of the bed.

I guess I should have mentioned,
It would **** me if you left.

(walk)

4
I didn't leave a note this time.

But I promise
I had a million words to say to you,

I typed them up,
I wrote them down.
Watching each one
rise at my fingertips
and fall at your feet.

The way I did.

You spoke like family.
You felt like the pages
of my favorite book
when I ran my fingers up your spine.

I kept every note I wrote,
this time.

I couldn't hide another word
in the soft folds of your suitcase.

Secrets never travel well.

(Shhh)

I touched the door you'd touched before me.

Empty rooms are like a boxing ring,
My back was against the ropes
while my eyes fell to the drapes
tracking take-offs like ticket sales.

We packed the house.
Our home.

As time huffed and puffed
and blew the whole thing
down.

I stopped four times.

Each time I'd turn back
but when I started,
I'd remember the last time you left
while I watched, heavy hearted.
My lips were still parted.

Our lips were still parted.

I fall inlove
With every single
Part of me
That I see
In you.

my favorite poem was always her silence,
even after god stopped screaming & the cries from the tires screeching only occupied the ears of the young & the dead,
lovely to know that no matter what happens in this life, life will never give back,
as always i'm feeling stuck inbetween her mind & her heart, but never her thighs (& that was okay),
neither of us had loved each other to our full potential,
i was terrified, & for some oddly beautiful reason nothing could even make her flinch,
eventually the ocean will go bad, just like our hearts.

life doesn't owe you anything, it has no debt to you or your cold soul,
you have to believe my words when I tell you that I only feel sadness everytime I realize that her name has now just become an acronym & everything she once said to me was now drowning somewhere, in some ocean, screaming out someone else's name to help save her,
no, don't believe me,
no, don't believe anything I ever say (she never did).

reducing my bank account to the day of the month that she strangled my heart with her two bare hands, that way everytime I look at my bank funds I can feel the same type of struggle that my heart felt that very night,
evolution did her good, just like all the other boys between her thighs nowadays,
you only live once is the biggest lie to ever enter my ear drums; i've looked into her eyes & have spoken with demons that died thousands of years ago that still reside inside my sweet angel,
now my phone is crying for her call & the same goes for me,
only time can mend a deceased heart,
live alone & you will die with a thousand burdens that you wish you would have gotten off your chest, yet live for someone else & you will die with a thousand burdens that you wish you would have gotten off your chest,
doubtfully kiss my lips & you will finally, fully understand that she didn't take only my heart with her that night,
sporadically trying to find out if I could at least have my hands back; they might be a little burnt from all of the times I reached for her heart, but I miss the sting when trying to close my fists & the burn of her lips on them as she puckered up to the open wounds that she didn't even know she had created.

Subatomic particles
They jitter and bug on
Like the people
Late for work
That I see rushing about
Every day on the street
Just trying
To make something happen

A change
Is a positive thing
Well, you'd hope so
When something
Or someone
Or somewhere
Alters their way
When they or it
Evolves
You always hope for the best
But sometime
People, places, things
Nouns
Degenerate

And it's a shame

But it doesn't have to be that way

So
Here's to evolving
Here's to change
Here's to regenerating
Into something
Better
Bigger
Staggering
On our next
Run 'round

I do not regret the summer spent
caring for a flower
which would eventually wither
without trace of ever having blossomed.
It had its sunrises and sunsets.
That's enough.

oh how ignorant i must've been.
to think the best things in the world were
hot coffee and cigarettes,
drinking on the beach while fireworks went off.
the overwhelming sense of reality I'd get when
the wind would pull me out to sea
and waves would kiss my thighs.
these were the best things,
not but a week ago.
and now i know with nothing but
absolut conviction,
the best thing
in this world
is waking up to kisses
on my shoulders
from a man
i hardly know
yet i know is one of
us.

goodmorning, beautiful.