...save everyone," they said.

                                                                    They were right,
                                                                          I died trying.

Everyone looks at me and they judge me but I don't blame them they won't understand.
I was innocent girl believed in christmas father believed in fairies belived in love and trusted everyone .
But someone took it all away and it was too soon for me.
It was a night as any other night I looked out my window so the stars and smiled.
Switched the light of hugged my teddy bear and closed my eyes.
As I was about to come to the middle of my sleep.
The door opened I was scared thought it was a monster...
Yes it was a monster but it was a human being acting like a monster his hand on my little lips . His whole body between my tiny hips he thought they were big enough for him to fit.
Worst pain I have ever felt and the more he seemed to pump it got worse .
Tears on my face throat burning I couldn't breath.
As the "monster" walked out of the room everytime .
He would leave me broken than I was before.
From that day the world seemed different not save .
Cause oneday the monster 's mask fell out and I realised that this was not a real monster it was a man that was supposed to love me and take care of me.
But he thought wreking me everyday was right.
And guess what the woman that carried me for nine months knew about this but she turned the other cheeck.
So tell me how can I stop being so paranoid when the world just showed me how people can decieve you people you love.
The man that was supposed to take my mom as his didn't feel she was enough so he destroyed a innocent soul.
And my mom couldn't imagine herself squeezing the pilllow so she pretended not to see it.
Know you know the story
Behind my bitternes
Behind my anger
Behind my sadness
Behind  my paranoia
When that man broke me he took my innocence .

It seemed like a good idea to say what I had to say,
only a fool would listen to someone talking under their breath.
I've been out there, not as much as I would like, seeing my face
in the mirror, not a care in the ******* world, buying time until
my ******* death. I've wasted years upon years listening to bull-
****, realizing later down the road I was spitting it out more than
anyone else, trying to puff up my ego, making a complete *******
out of myself. My words fell on deaf ears, it's no wonder with all
the lies I've told, avoiding responsibility from the open door, only to
come up short in the long run. So many fears I had, still have to a certain degree. The darkness wants to tear me down, and I'm running on ******* empty.

I sit on the hill
seeing Martinez light up
as the sun passes behind the cusp
of Mt. Diablo
this dirt witnessed me turn old,
has stories to tell,
a well of sorrows spent and sorrows kept
it's seen the laughter
along with emptiness
my souls settles like dust
after a gust of unrest, turbulence
while the Great Plains call
my name rustling through the grass
my heritage, past lives pushing
pulling
controlling, unbeknownst to me
sitting silent with the
Bay Area
trees

She stood in the hallway
With a ghost of a smile
Buried deep in the alleys of Norway
Hoping she would stay awhile

He slid back against the wall
Shoulders arched, head down
The darkness hid his frown
He promised me forever
Far beyond the afterlife
He wishes to make me his wife

She's got morbid, crystal eyes
Where all my sanity dies
Like a flash flood and a thunderstorm
All taking place at once
Like a scientific conveyance

He had hands only a poet could love
Only a writer could make sense of
Softly curved around the edges
Lumpy and dented in all the wrong places

It was a love story between an evolutionist and a man who tasted of creation

I just ran out of band-Aids.
I have none left for me...