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I'm lost in a world of my own design
Withered and ravaged with pain

Locked inside my own mind
Soiled and torn..and stained

Unable to breathe, unable to cope
In a place I was born too late

Afraid of what may happen to me
Of what will be my fate

Memories tear away at my soul
Like claws of a demons hand

The little child inside of me
Withers away like sand

Into myself deeper I crawl
Hiding my eyes to the truth

The little child inside of me
Was taken in my youth

The tattered shreds that once were her
Are tear stained, ***** and gray

There is no hope of finding her
She was victim to the prey

Inside the prison walls of my soul
I throw away the key

For when they tore away the child
They destroyed me

June 17, 2017
Being around you is too much for most
A hug is out of the question
Hand-holding, what a joke
Do you think I like you or something

I thought we were friends, man
Don't make it weird
This is getting out of hand
I think the end is near

I can't take you anymore, kid
we're just friends you got that
I don't want to be close to you
The farthest i'll go is a chat

I don't care that you deny you like me
I can see through lies
If you didn't like me you wouldn't want hugs
I don't think that applies
doesn't flow very well. whatever.
Lay me down
      in those fields  
         of silken flowers
        where the buzzing
        over our heads
       whirls us into
   lightspun holy
my dress a metaphor
for loneliness
as you lift it off
and let it disintegrate
into the evening's
electric ether
your lips
    undoing the tight
       leather laces
        that have held my
     heart in place
until now
Now.
undo them
   in unfurled totality
let my feminine essence
drip, in non-verbal words
onto your fingers
let my elements
   light you up
    from within
firebrand sunset
in molten metallic sheen
indigo lip of ocean
melding into crackling
            hiss of earth
               and humming
                   under this
                dark rich loam
              tiny vibrating buds
     sprout from fossils
trilobites become
hazy with new moss
seething insects
lay eggs and spawn
feeling the bloodpulse,
that simmer of surface
in slick magnet energy
Curled stems of wild
poppies and zinnia
tie down my wrists
snake around my thighs
clasp my
tender-***** ankles
as if to open me
up even more
than I thought
            my soul
                   could go
and I do not resist
for soon they will
accompany you
as you decorate my
deepest womb
              with blossoms          
filling me with your
soul's seed
your musk-scented fervor
nestled, subaqueous
into the root of
my sweet
       deep
of  
  need
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qU8UfYdKHvs
This song. Just says it.
 Jun 2017 John Niederbuhl
Cné
I think about him often
and on Father's Day, I dwell...
upon the things he gave to me
and taught me oh, so well.

I go back to those early years
when on my father's knee...
he'd give to me a special hug
and then he'd say to me:

"...life is what you make.
Don't look for special breaks.
Keep your chin up
when the world seems doomed,
for goodness sakes.

Always keep love in your heart.
on that you'll always count.
And when you do...well..
there's no obstacle you can't surmount.

You can be, all that you want
for you have that kind of power.
You're not as fragile, as it seems
though, I see you as a flower.

Do not be afraid to love
freely, with all your heart
I will protect you always
but you must also...
those times when we're apart

That day will come along
when my body falls apart.
And then, I must be moving on
but I'll remain forever...
within your heart!"


He left me in 2013
to go and be with God.
I knew he would someday
of course…
yet still, I find it odd...

that I can still recall his voice
from all those years ago.
And I'd just like to say that...
I listened, and I love him so!
Happy Father's Day!
I always envy
The shining star
Residing
Near the moon....
More than me,
It's the moon,
Flaming white in Jealousy.....
Or is it the shining star
Burning more than us?
My mind wandered from star to moon & again came back to me....
With some envious thoughts....
& Now playing blame game.....
But Jealousy is not good for health...
Be aware....
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