you would light the candle on your desk
just as your mother told you
and you would pray
just as she told you.

i wish i could have been with you.

it's 3 o'clock and
i smell bad
do you still love me?
even when i look in the mirror
and pick at all my pores
and gouge out my eyes
and moan about

"i wish i was skinnier
and ate less
and took up less space
and my hair was shinier
and my mouth was larger
and i spoke less
and i wish i was better
for you."

do you still love me?
am i still beautiful?
am i beautiful?

Hold me as a doll in your arms because
You always cared for me
Like a father would
Like fathers should

Tell me how you understand
And crinkle your eyes,
Smile at me like I'm
Your baby

i don't think i was meant to love you
everyday i choose to