I used to imagine people who self-harmed
as crazy people
"you're making yourself bleed?"
"you purposely put yourself in pain?"
I used to ask

I would cringe
thinking about it

who knew a few years later
that would be me?
who knew that would be me
making myself bleed?
who knew that would be me
putting myself in pain on purpose?

who ******* knew?

a lot can happen in
f i f t e e n  d a y s

you could go on a vacation
you could get married
you could give birth
you could buy a house
you could get a new job
you could make a new friend

there's so much you can do in
f i f t e e n  d a y s

what did I do in those fifteen days?
I tried to take away my next fifteen days
and all of them thereafter.

is life even worth living?
because i can’t name a single reason to live
but I can name a thousand reasons to die

I don’t want to be loved
I don’t deserve it
Because all I will do
Is bring them down with me
So instead
I will live angry
Angry that I can’t be loved
Angry that I don’t deserve love
Angry that I am unlovable
Angry that the world is against me
Angry at everybody
Angry at myself
Angry