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there’s people whose dads don’t even know their
face but that doesn’t change what i
have. that somehow doesn’t lessen the
blow. that’s
nice you got bit by a
shark and all but nobody ever asks me about
my scars, the ones you can’t
see. i try to take
baths to feel
whole again but the water hits me like a
fist when i drop down too
fast, like all the hurt in the
world never meant
anything. i guess what i’m trying to
say is that i love you, i love
you, and i remember the
night you punched my name into the bedroom
wall because i tried too hard to
save you, i tried too
hard to **** the poison out of
something already
pure. i guess
i was hoping you’d question how i could smell a broken
bone from three miles
away, how i could find bandages in the blackest
dark. i guess
i was hoping you might end up saving
me, too.
 Dec 2014 Jeremy Duff
Richard K
You
 Dec 2014 Jeremy Duff
Richard K
You
I hate that I can't be mad at you
Here's to all the ways I bled for you
I can't stop thinking about you
I can't stop caring about you
I have been crying all week about you
Everyone has been asking me why but I can't say its because of you
I just wish I knew how to be happy with you
I just wish I could be with you
I don't need much from you
I miss the feeling of being wanted by you
The only one I want to talk to is you
My heart screams and storms for you
I wanted to know every part of you
I just want to find a way to still be close to you
In some way that can feel certain to you
Because I can't be mad at you
I hope in some strange way you still love me and I still love you
It has been a rough week
We share a dream,
a hope,
of a little tiny house
with a basement
and knives not sold in a set.

Of a dog and a car
and a bed on the ground,
and being a little late on the monthly rent.

Of goodbye kisses
when you'd leave for work
and I'd be off to school.
Of watching snow
off our back patio
and sneaking into the neighbors pool.

Of borrowing each others flannels,
and kissing our noses
and drinking tea in springtime
before I prune the roses.

Of our morning coffee,
yours black, mine sweet,
and I'd still make fun of you
for the way that you eat.

For fights about vinyl
and paint and a movie,
but not about the things
that you shouldn't have done to me.

So we want that,
we both do,
and here's where it stinks
is that you ****** it up
in our fight after drinks.

And I know you regret it,
and I'm sorry to say
that sometimes apologies
don't cut it that way.

I miss you, I do
and you miss me too,
and I want our little house
and our dog and you.

But you put her name
above mine on the list,
and if you asked me a month ago
who I would want to kiss
to you I'd be true
but it wouldn't be me,
if they instead asked you.

We share a dream, a want and a need
for places colder,
for dirt and for skiis.
Of snow caps and pine trees
and people to leave.

But I don't trust you,
with my heart or my mind
and while I still really like you
I can't decide
if it's worth all this trouble
you've shook up in your wake
If your the one with the heart
or the one with the stake.
 Dec 2014 Jeremy Duff
Richard K
I stared long and hard at the clouds,
And the longer I stared the more I convinced myself to think,
That they were great hills , now mountains,
Rising into the twilight sky.

It seemed for a moment that I was rushing through a valley,
Deep and long,
It seemed for a moment that life was beautiful,
And all my pain melted into the phantom ridge - line above me.

But the illusion dissolved as the road lights flashed,
And the clouds broke and I was reminded,
That nothing watched over me,
No great height stretched out its hand to cover my soul in shadow,
Or to hide my face from the night.

Maybe one day I will look at the darkling sky and feel at peace,
But now the night and the mountainous clouds only remind me,
Of being alone and uncovered.

The moon rises and I feel all the nights of my past rush in,
All the hurt and the crying,
All the hate and the lying.

All the tragic discord of my youth,
Streaked along the sky.
There is no mountain that watches over my soul tonight,
Nothing between my eyes and the dark.
metaphysical?
I miss the rain.
The heat these days is intolerable.
California is spoken of as a paradise,
But it’s splendor
Is wasted on me.
Truly, I am a fish out of water.

I used to miss the mountains.
The isolation back then was awful.
Hawaii is spoken of as a paradise,
But it’s wonders
Lost their luster to me.
Truly, I was a bird with clipped wings.

Someday I will miss the sun.
One day the clouds will be miserable.
Washington is spoken of as a paradise,
But it’s thunder,
Will cease to boom for me.
Truly, I will be a drowning daisy.
evil is a little boy in a black
hood trying to be
good. do you ever think about how many
tears the mother of the
devil has cried? not all the planets in our known solar
system could fathom that kind of
treason.

being home alone at night is my achilles
heel. perhaps we were meant to splinter like
this, he thought when he took his last
breath. perhaps
we were made for
this, and nothing
else.

when he says he
loves me, i want to dip him in
chocolate. when he says he's leaving
anyway, my eyes burn like they've been soaked in
bleach. come, baby, let me straighten your
spine, let me read to you the novels of your
fingertips.

some things, i guess, are doomed from the
start. some countries don't have words for
'all right.' some people never stop
bleeding.
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