Dear you,
I might not know you yet either,
but this letter will be different.

You will be different

I say that because it is true.
Not because he was wrong, or bad,
but he wasn't you.

You are holy and set apart.
As am I.
You were made for me,
and I for you.
And we will get it right at last,
Oh sweet promise of the Lord.
You have been worth waiting for.

I may not have waited as long as you.
I may have been sloppier with my life.
I may disagree with you and be stubborn
and try to take the lead.
But you will know me
And choose me anyways.

And that is why I will love you,
with a true love that reflects
the love of God.

And for all of that,
and for all that I remain unaware of,
I am waiting.

But I had to write you to say,
I'm not looking.
I am not striving.
I'm no longer searching,
and trying to force things to happen.

I am resting.
And serving,
And seeking...
the face of God

Because you are only to love me as He already loves me.
So, I'm going to the source.
And I'll see you some day soon.
I know you're waiting too.
I know you'll know what to do.

It gets harder to believe
What I once was sure of.
Like me..
and then you.
Oh, the foolish things
I thought I knew.

If we could have a conversation,
without chatting on what's new...
I'd bring you inspiration.
But now that's just too difficult to do.

You are a complete stranger.
I loved someone other than you.
I still dream.
And dream...
And dream about you.

And I wake up feeling unrested,
and thoroughly blue.
Why are my sleeping thoughts
choosing to think about you?

You, a ship I can no longer see
As I stand upon this shore.
I couldn't even book a ticket
If a fortune I had, and I could afford.

What lessons are to come from all of this?
What persons could endure?
Christ only becomes my strength,
my thankfulness.

Pray I remain landlocked upon this shore.

I can stare blankly.
I have mastered the art.
Feelings evade me,
I swept them into the dark.
Now I persuade me,
Run away from your heart.
Keep running long into the morning.
Never saying goodbye before you depart.
Run away but not too lively.
Remember, you must keep up with your art.

We all need something.
Grace.
Love.
Compassion.
Trust.
But my days have been spent judging,
myself mostly, but others if I find I must.
It's a disposition
An antithesis of helpfulness.
I desire to speak life, to give life, to live life
freely...
But I have been stuck in a pit.
And I cannot dig myself out.
And I cannot sit myself down
And say, "what you are feeling is ok.
You are not ruined,
And you're just learning to stay."

What greater gift than your love?
Who do I turn to above you?
Who am I made of?

Your breath gives my life meaning.
Your corrections bring holiness to my ways.
I am but a meaningless vapor without you.
But with you, a vapor not in vain.

Jesus, your face
I ache to see that face.
I long to run into the World like a bullet
Shot fast and hot out of a cannon.
Burning to scream about your goodness,
to build cities and worlds on top of your Glory.
To climb mountains,
To conquer,
To vanquish...
But you don't care for any of that.
You just long for me keep looking at
**your face.

I have a hard time fitting myself into a box.
I have a hard time giving myself (and God) space.
Like there's something I can do,
Say yes to this thing and that,
To earn God's loving embrace.

I am but a human,
But these lessons are taking so long to stick.
One day I am happy,
the next day I am sick.
There is a balance somewhere,
I am told, so they say.

But when will I ever find it?
When will I ever convince myself its here to stay.
If I'm trying hard to get this,
isn't it the same as trying hard to get that?

What if the lesson is not to try at all,  
But to trust God and relax?