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 Oct 2021 jdmaraccini
liakey
Life moves on
Love is poison
And the world doesn’t give a **** about your broken heart
 Oct 2021 jdmaraccini
olivia anne
my attachment to you scares me-
it always has.
i thought maybe we could be soulmates,
that that was why i bawled like a baby when you left,
or why i still look for your car in the parking lot
even though i know it will never be there.
but today,
i realized my idealism  got the better of me again-
i simultaneously over and underestimated your purpose in my life.
you are not here to tell me i’m pretty
or to hold my hand.
you are here to be you.  
you.
the person who spoke sense into me when i refused to listen,
knowing i already knew the answer to the questions i mulled over obsessively,
who was not there to teach me something
but to help me realize i am smart enough
capable enough
logical enough
to figure things out on my own.
not a soulmate-
romantic, platonic, or other.
we are not kindred spirits
we are good friends
and, yes, i am sorry to admit that i have indeed placed you on a pedestal
but it’s a different kind of pedestal:
one that i use to remind myself
of my own ability
to hold up a mirror-
to my own face,
and to the face of others,
to show them that they too are
smart enough
capable enough
logical enough
to figure things out on their own.
thank you for teaching me so much about myself
 Oct 2021 jdmaraccini
Monotone
I like girls and I like boys and inbetweens-
but boys are so much easier to date.
I know what to expect and what to do-
but girls and inbetweens scare me,
I get so nervous and make mistakes.
They’re the unknown.
But if I don’t know them as well as boys-
how can I possibly be worthy of “pansexual?”
Do I even deserve that title?
Im attracted to people,
not their gender or their appearance,
but I’m so scared of messing up.
I like girls.
I like boys.
I like those inbetween.
But how could they possibly like me?
 Oct 2021 jdmaraccini
Monotone
I’m not pretty- I’m depressed.
I have cuts and scars lining my wrists.
I’m always sleeping or not at all,
dark circles rest under my eyes permanently.
I’m either too fat or too skinny,
and I can’t remember the last time I ate.
I fake a smile and a laugh,
but in conversation my mind is far away.
I wear dark oversized clothing to hide
because my insecurities keep me afraid.
I self isolate out of fear that I’ll mess it all up-
but I fear being alone.
I’m not pretty, I’m depressed.
Objectified manifest's invertible investiture to metaphysical mystique astral projection's mystic symbiotic.  Yes I like to think I resemble God!!!  Perhaps everything that has ever existed will survive forever.  Retrospectively retroactive's omniscient ubiquity.  It makes sense considering that infinite possibility is the nature of omnipresence's ubiquity.  Infinitely expansive vastness had an exogamy with the inky blackness.  Spatiotemporal telemetry's virility made fecundity of spacetime continuum's fertility.

I submit:

Is this a microcosmic phenomenon or more dependent on the depths of pervasion of its macrocosmic relativities.  Perhaps there is a unifying field theory we are not yet aware of which explains how it paradoxically is a little bit of both.

and:

With the advent of biological organisms the diversity of physical existence has apparently exceeded its physical complexity.  Understanding has evolved.  Relatively extraneous interpolations of adhesively practical extremity succeed in a hierarchy of functionally integrable forms.  


Treacherous traverse and eternal occasion, hectic duty deontological probity.  "The angel was a visage of resplendent beauty as it hovered in midair above the knoll."  Impeccable trollwood harlotry, "Strait up forever ontology on high."  I like to think we embody on the emote to exude aimed imbue.  Rosicrucian romanesque rotunda rouge.  Platypus plausible plinth.  Plum line backhoe special, anchor pin tachometer, plowshare track-ness!!!  Futurity fatidic's noumenal sentience's semantic regalia.  Carousel ceaselessly ceremony chaos character charisma, cerebral cortex's ****** matrix's indefatigably indomitable irrefragable incarnate.  What's to tell you, I'm an optimist on the identity crisis to do an enigma entity.  Imagination's immaturities incorporeity ideologies, clairaudience clairvoyance astral projection's categorical imperative.  Extraversion embezzlements euthanasia extortions, embark embargo's extradition.  Then again are we really responsible for the innate nature of our intrinsic incessant.  I like to think we could get away with it and still be good for I like to think our disembodied godlike spirits will not loose their proclivity for corporeally preternatural being.
Chicanery dynamism's fealties.  Totally tangential trajectory extant, exponentially extemporaneous radix repartee.
White lotus of love you are always a promise  
you with your petals soft and ready to open
why do you entice me to dream like a sleuth
looking for signs everywhere, are you youth?  

Egyptian beauty of grace I remember your face
you send shivers down my spine warm as wine
this little thing we have together , pure heather
feather me with your kisses but don't go away

White lotus "I call you Hope"  show me uphill    
let me climb you, and as I rise I'll turn and spin
promise me you'll deliver me into tomorrow  
regardless of what I see I believe in you lotus

White lotus of love you are always by my side
bloom in me so I may beget your love's arride.
Before there was anything that mattered everything that would ever be existed , it was the essence of totality , it was without dimensional constriction or necessitated form .  Optimistically speaking time had no relative realism to it’s progression because realistically nothing had happened yet .  As it continued it became according to it’s innate inflections as a functionally integrable form .  The questionably understandable nature of it’s conjunction was an omnipotent directive beyond necessitated action or morphological construction .  The enigmatic consciousness of it’s relatively interrelated conception was spontaneous and yet it continued without elemental omniscience.  

As the relative complexity of it’s interrelations evolved dimensional consistence was born.  Humanly understandable laws of physical integration governed many facets of it’s conjunction yet the totality of it’s ramification was beyond humanly realistic conjecture .  

The organic morphology of biological ontogeny was a conceptually reflective derivative of functional physical mechanics yet it’s diversity exceeded it’s physical complexity , understanding evolved .  Relatively extraneous interpolations of adhesively practical extremity succeeded in a hierarchy of functionally integrable forms .

Retrospectively speaking pragmatic practicality is a humanly rational possibility .  Rational logic can conceive of individually totalitarian structural forms , yet the implosive nature of their rational cohesiveness becomes a practical partiality due to the diversity of their definitive impetus .

Perhaps the essence of our being is the logical counterpart for the matrix of our subjectively conclusive social fragmentation , or perhaps we are evolutionally incapable of cumulatively rational correlation.  Problematic diversity could be perfectible on an individually infinite level or contrarily perhaps ubiquitous causality is the ultimate survivor.  

In any case it is beyond our subjugatively rational cohesive coercion to intercede en masse on our own behalf as an integrated unit. Our conceptual abilities have been thwarted by the immitigably individual nature of our extraneous conclusiveness .
 Oct 2021 jdmaraccini
Eve
C4.
 Oct 2021 jdmaraccini
Eve
C4.
Have you ever screamed so silently loud
That your brain feels like it'll explode?

Powerful, that moment when you're trying to gather the pieces of your brain together. Trying to make it whole, knowing that it's that same wholeness that made you want to scream it off in the first place... Chic.

-fir.m
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