a single hello from you
is like a field of sunflowers
blooming all at once

can’t you just see us
leaving all of this behind
and going to college
and being together?
we’re just friends,
but there we could be so much more.
the other day i was wearing my belmont sweatshirt, and you told my friend, “hey, you know me and Olivia are going to belmont right”
your ability to persevere
through the sweat
and pure exertion
fascinates me.
you’re a different person on that court;
it’s almost magical.
you said it yourself
that everything in your life goes away
and it’s just you and the sport.
i wish i had something like that,
something to help me forget the struggles of daily life
in the same way it helps you forget
homework, girlfriends, and anything deeper that may be bothering you that day.
oh, to be the basketball star.
somehow you always seem to break out of your trance enough notice my best friend and me in the crowd though...
i wonder what would happen if you broke up with her
and i had the chance to go after you.
would i still smile at you every time i saw you in the hallway?
would i still wait for you to say hi and then act like i wasn’t expecting it?
i hate to say it
but i think i’d go back to treating you like a friend;
the butterflies would leave
with the fear that she might find out i had feelings for you.
maybe i don’t want you,
i just like the idea of something i can’t have.
i can’t make up my mind about you.
you use me;
string me along
like you have for years.
you whisper in my ear
just as i'm forgetting you,
tap my shoulder
as i'm walking away,
and i always whisper back,
turn around,
look at that smile,
and i'm doomed.
i wrote this poem on january 10, 2018 after a boy i had liked for years finally paid attention to me. wish i had known back then that some people just have flirty personalities.
you can tell a lot about a guy by what kind of music he turns on when you’re in the car.

there was the guy whose bass blew out my eardrums
who texted the entire way there.

there was the sweet guy who cued up his rap playlist but turned it down a couple notches so he could hear what i had to say.

but my favorite to ride with was the guy who turned the random radio station down and talked to me for thirty minutes about life and the future.
i still don’t know what song was playing.
all my friends texted me to ask what kind of music you played, because none of us could predict it.
the day after we met
i told you
that i thought *** put you in my life
to help me,
and you said you felt like we understood each other.
how did we form such a deep connection
having never seen each other in person,
and having only known each other for less than 24 hours?
that’s the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.
“i feel this weird sense of understanding” then why aren’t we supposed to be together?
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