I just want to say good luck
To my past lives
Who now have future guys without me
I hope they treat you great
And wont procrastinate
When you need them to take out their dang socks out of the dryer.
And maybe stop leaving the window open in your mom's minivan
    
I rotate myself like a rotisserie chicken
So I can feel the burn of emptiness left in me.
I turn and turn
Until my mood is dire and my humor drier
From this mirage of hope.
That dissipates to the back of what's left of my crowded mind.

I find myself looking at wedding rings in pawn shops.
Knowing that I will eventually find myself back
At this exact counter adding a total to the line of wedding rings.
Like my parents before,
They bring me a bringing of upbringings
On how to fall into dislike.
Slamming doors,
Yelling,
Tears,
And talking mad ****.
Are common vocabulary words for my ears
And it make me uncomfortable when it is absent.

Like this isnt right…

So I just want to say good luck.
To my future wives
Who want to live life without me
I’m sure i'll prepare you
For next guy you’ll date
And for every guy you'll hate

My dad is a professor
He taught me the ins and outs
What happens when someone walks in for 20 years
And walks out with half of everything.
Having Court dates on Court dates
With court times playing this Court game.
Of who scores the most points with the kids.
He plays the game with his former half
On how many creases
You can bend in our family line
Until there is nothing left
But a sided family.

My mother is a beautiful tattoo on a drug Lord
She taught me on who I should be
And I shouldn't be
By Tearing a page
From the nearest melodrama she could find.
She holds hostage to the home movies
The ones where I splash mud all over my cats
Videos that make me forget
Of what one Thanksgiving looks like.

Yet the thing that I had to learn from them
Is that mom and dad loved to shout.
Really loud actually.
So loud that it slams counters and doors
You knocked over my brand new Lego Harry Potter set
I got from one of my Christmases.

Mom and dad say
That it's the sounds of a disagreement.
But really it's the sound
Of two people falling out of love.

I’m not in the swing of things
And want to meet by that is
I'm not used to being blinded by these lies.
The tie me down by the terrible fact that the facts
You told my ignorant eyes were nothing but lies

You left

I stayed

I had to pick up all of the loose ends
That you cut off loosely with me.

Odd

They looked like that one time
When we froze our *** off
At that donkey concert.

I'm not in the swing of things
And what I mean by that is
I stare at my phone to wait for text messages.
Marooned on an island of my most baneful thoughts

But wait
A message!

It's just an email from the people who write emails
That don't want me to write back

Shame

I just want you to check up on me
Like a direct deposit
See how my collection of poetry is going.
I want to live in the timeless time
When we couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

I'm not in the swing of things.
And when I mean is
I hate eating alone
Forks and spoons we used for food fights with
Are now just instruments to put food in my mouth.
I feel optimistic finding crumbs in my beard.
You see when I find crumbs in my beard.
I pretend just for a moment
That you left them
So I can find my way
Back to a better place

So I’m sorry if I'm not in the swing of things
This rope that holds me together is fraying
Each strand is stripping me away and leaving
Like the leaves you trekked into this ******* house

These leaves will melt away

The rope will give out

You will let me fall

You say that i'll get back on my feet

I'm just afraid of when my feet will fail me now.

When we first meet
You wanted to take me everywhere
Allow me to see the world through your sunflower dirt covered eyes
Yet now, you don't want to see me anywhere

I don't blame you anyway
And you don't blame me everyday
Because I do it myself everyday
I hate and I hate
Till there is nothing left to relate to.

You know that it's so hard for me to not hate you
And I know how hard it is to be mature
And grow away from you and I
And instead just leave it to I
Me
No one named you

So let's grab all of our pictures
Grab all of the love notes
That turned into liked notes
All of the Facebook anniversary posts.
And let's burn it
All of it
You and I
Make a bonfire so big
All of the memories that we were
And what we thought we were going to be
Will all burn to ashes
And after all flames have gone away
you will look me in the ashes
As we both smirk at each other and say
“Thanks for the memories.”
As we walk our separate ways.

I hate starting poetry lines
I hate lying
I hate the ending of my favorite songs
I hate the beginning of my favorite poems
I seem to definitely hate the beginning of this poem

I hate how paper airplanes
Drift to the ground at some point
Now come think of it
I hate gravity
For letting me
And this **** paper airplane down

I hate love songs from millionaires that get some
And I hate the people that complain that they get none
I hate friends from benefits
Who benefit from my body
And pretend that they benefit from my soul
I hate how time flies by when you're having fun
I hate how time feels slow when I'm feeling alone

I hate when people walk slower than me in crowded hallways
I hate how long my legs are
I hate how stores can't find pants my size
I hate when I can't say the right things
I hate when I say the wrong things
I hate that It makes me feel alone

I hate negative people
I even hate people who are too positive
I'm so positive that it makes me feel negative
Yet I i'm so positive to the fact
That I lie to myself saying to i've moved on
And what I mean from that was from your bed to my couch
And what I mean is that I hate getting distracted
I mean I hate trying to find things to distract me

I hate the smell you give off
And I hate not smelling it
I hate seeing your picture
Yet I hate never seeing it again
I hate that it makes me feel empty
I hate that part of me was left with you.

I'm starting to have trouble finding this sleep.
I'm searching for sheep
So I can count them down
To the corner of rest and relaxation street.
Yet I find something else instead.
I find these places where your name is.
Hiding under all of the demons
I battle daily by seeing you cross my mind.
I try to look elsewhere
Maybe I should look at this melting clock
That keeps laughing at my face,
Every chuckle burns deeply Into newest members
Of the darkest parts of my mind.
I'm being crucified with my own thoughts.
****** yet bounded to the fact
That I just need some ****** sleep.

I'm not alone though.
Someone,
Something just spawned In my room.
Hairy, grotesque, and I can't look away,  
It smells like rotten wood
And the cracks that poison my skull
This
Thing
Starts to ascend towards me
With each breath that I was searching for.
It crawls up my bed
And in the darkest of nights
I am on my own
And here we go

When I saw you walking around,
I really wanted to say something,
Something that would make you turn around
So I can see your intruded red face
Jack frost seemed to be only thing
Touching your lips tonight
As I say something
Something
So I can hear you say something
Yet you wanted to hear nothing
Said nothing
So now I feel like Nothing
As you turn around
Kick up the dust
Inviting the hounds
Of this parking lot
To swallow me whole
Yet I wont think of anyone else
But you