I can't sleep
I don't want to sleep
But tomorrow is a long day
And I have to rest
I have to get
Enough beauty sleep
The morning rays already
Reveal way too much flaws
And I needn't to be more ugly
Than what I already am inside
That's why I need to sleep now
So I can pretend
That none of this is true
That I have a beautiful soul
That I have a beautiful mind
People are blind
Even when they can see
They chose to be blind
Only so they don't see
That what they dreamt about at night
Was not a mere nightmare
You know?
I don't believe in a beautiful world
As charming and as precious
As it is
As lovely and as kind
As I am
The world is twisted
And so is my mind

Dear The Boy Who Is Wasting My Time and Emotion,

I can do so much better than you.

no you can't

You are hurting me, every time you speak to me, you break me a little more.

Get over it Princess. You deserve it. God, you're pathetic.

Stop texting me when you have a girlfriend

but you want him to, secretly

I am going to find someone someday who is so much better than you.
Someone who will treat me right instead of treating me like I'm his
Plan B. I'm going to find someone who doesn't drink and get high to
work out his problems when he can't even legally drive yet. That's not
called "being complicated and deep" as you seem to think, it's
called "being an alcoholic and a druggie". I'm going to find someone
who reads, who likes the same books I do and won't make fun of the
series I love that saved me from myself when I wanted to **** myself.
I'm going to find someone with a good heart, who CARES about me,
who will not be Broken but will be okay with me being Broken. Who
will fix me. Not someone who just wants an ego boost like you do.

you will never find anyone like that. You will never do better than
him.

You really aren't who you used to be

So? You should take what you can get, stupid girl. No boy has ever
liked you, and no boy ever will. No boy has even called you pretty
besides him.

You're bad for me.

You are not worth anything better

You say you are sorry and regret hurting me, but I don't believe you

believe him

I want to believe you. So badly

so then just believe him!

but I can't

you stupid ugly worthless *****...

And even if I did believe you, you don’t even like me. You haven’t
even spoken to me for a month. A MONTH you *******!

You’re not worth noticing or speaking to. Why would he care? Just
take it. Take how he treats you and deal with it. It’s what you deserve.
Get used to it, *****.

Even if we talked for a while, for a long while and you managed to
deceive me enough into getting close with you again, then if you asked
me out and we went back down the path we were on before you
dropped me so easily, I could never trust you. You text me flirty texts
while you’re WITH HER! You HAVE a girlfriend and NO girl deserves
to be treated like that. No girl deserves to have an unfaithful boy who
is in her life, but is not committed to her when he claims he is.

You deserve that.

Not even me.

Yes you do.

So I don’t deserve to be treated the way you treat me. I get a mini heart
attack every time you text me and I’d like you out of my life.

Don’t do that. You’ll regret it. You are so, so alone you stupid *****.
What are you thinking?

I can do better than you. I can find someone who likes me. Someone
who’s idea of a good time doesn’t involve ecstasy. Someone who
doesn’t need to be drunk to say something nice to me.

Oh please. You will never ever find anyone.

Please just stop now. I have bigger problems than a boy like you.

Your problems could be solved with a  boy like him though!

I told you that you didn’t hurt me. I am lying. I’m not going to let you
keep hurting me however.

But the pain is so addictive. Let him keep hurting you. It makes you
feel like maybe you’re worth something, if you have his approval. If he
tells you you’re pretty, it makes you wonder for a second if the mirror
is wrong. You will never be convinced, but it makes you wonder, for
just a split second. It hurts, but it’s a lovely split second. Listen to me!

I’m NOT YOUR F!CKING CONSILATION PRIZE okay?

Yeah. You’re right about that, at least. What kind of ******
consolation prize would you be? Who would want you? You’re not a consolation prize to him, you’re just a another girl for when he’s bored. That’s all you deserve to be. Take it, worthless. You’re ugly. Take what you can get.

Usually, this is where I’d say: I’m sorry. Goodbye. But I am not sorry
and I’ve apologized to you far too many times so far and I shouldn’t
have. I had nothing to be sorry about.

You always have something to be sorry about. Apologize that he has
to look at you and your ugly face. That you exist. That you are wasting
space on his phone with your picture and your contact and your texts.
Apologize for being so difficult and annoying and desperate and
pathetic and self-centered and self-deprecating and say you’re sorry
that you ever offended him by being so pompous as to believe for even
just half a second (or half a summer, as it were) that you could be
worthy of his interest. Because you are worth nothing. You are not
enough. You are inferior. You are a failure. A waste.

So goodbye.

-Ember.

You’ll regret it later. You will never find a boy as good as him. Ever.
You will never even find another guy. You don’t deserve him, let alone
anyone else. It was a fluke that he ever ended up with the misfortune
of knowing you. You will never do better than him.

Yes I will.

No you won’t, you stupid ugly worthless *****.

Yes. I will.

Have you ever felt...
That feeling?
Where you're so empty you can actually fall inside the void which consumes you,
When you're so broken that whenever someone touches you they pull back hissing,
When you are so lonely you call out to the birds which paint the sky-in hope that they will sit on you shoulder,
Have you ever felt it? That feeling?
That horrible slimy whisper wordlessly chanting "You are useless"
Well I have.
And it is crap.
But one day you'll wake up and a small drop will fall Into that void
Day by day
Night by night
Hour by hour
Second by second
And it may not seem like much
                         But it amounts to a lot in the end
Until that feeling you feel
                                       Is nothing more
Than subtle laughter

               **Coming from you.

Why don't you
free yourself
spread your wings
fly in the sky?

All these things
you can do
shackles off
why not tonight?

Life like a
lucid dream
smile again
shine like a star.

You'll make mistakes
but that's alright
being perfect
is reserved for God.

Listen to the
voice of heart
it knows what's wrong
and knows what's right.

Live your life
don't be afraid
go out there
and seize the day.

I woke up
with a little more life
with a little more light
to open up my eyes

and I see you there
and I understand
why I just don't care
about world's problems

'cause all I want is you
and all I need is you
my island of happiness
in the sea of loneliness

You kissed my cheeks
and you kissed my lips
and I must admit
my heart skipped a beat

and I closed my eyes
and see you inside
my own universe
my own paradise