I spent a long lonely year exactly where I wanted to be,
I'm not sure where, but It was out upon a cold black sea,
I let my emotions run so far I thought they would fall of the earth,
but to my intrigue they didn't, and I was able to continue my search.
How far I traveled I have no idea, how long I was a away I'll never know,
But on my vessel I found a friend, he could be famous now in a sideshow.
I don't remember how I got back...I don't remember if I got back,
but something inside me changed, my heart's now a lighter shade of black.

But know its time, time to return, because I cannot lie to myself anymore,
I spent many days looking at my old home even if it was just a distant star.

In twilight
An old gardener
See a dew
On a petal
And said  
There is no place
For a tear

Can't sleep
Alone with multiple dimensions
Of emotions,
Various forms of depression,
It seems happiness was just a figment of my imagination.

Was my reflection
Just a selection
Of my self impression
To express this form of self destruction

Apparently I've always been meant to be alone
To lye in bed and write this poem
To shed my tears yet no one to hold
To have a house but never a home
To live a life and die alone.

there was a little mole a clever chap was he

he lived underground living wild and free

always digging holes every here and there

leaving lots of hills each and every where.



one day he was digging he heard a funny sound

it was very loud underneath the ground

mole he started digging to see where it could be

then he saw a shrew very stuck was he



the little shrew had fallen down a great big hole

now the shrew was trapped poor little soul

the shrew he started crying teardrops down his face

dont worry said the mole i will free you from this place.



mole began to a dig a tunnel underground

he dug for quite a while till way out had been found

shrew he was so happy he was free once more

he was free again just like he was before





shrew he thanked the mole and went along his way

and from great big holes shrew he stayed away

mole he carried on digging underground

still thinks about the shrew and the way out he had found

Late nights haunt me
With memories of old conversations
With people I used to know

I remember the ways
I used to look at them
And how dumb I was
And how dumb they were

The names and faces
Old friends and would-have-been lovers
Ring and ring into my head like church bells
Before the Sunday mass would start

They echo in the halls of my mind
Like noise in school corridors
Or cars honking in parking lots
Or even guns at a shooting range

I live with these ghosts
Who sing about the friendly insults
And misunderstandings
And shattered hearts

May God be with me.

Recollections jammed into a glass jar. If I'm left on a shelf in the third room on the first floor will you paint the walls the colour of your eyes. Last night, the night before and maybe all the nights before that they dragged whispers out of the seams around my heart. Blotch them in golden-blue-flows-green. Did you miss me with your legs folded down and out under a Christmas decoration I stole? Will you miss me in some third room next to a payphone that'll never dial me? Never tell me about the nights that would have me up kissing the clock at 3AM, when you whisper that you're home safe. You whisper that my heart's still safe. Isn't it strange? Nostalgically I think of places I've never seen and the depths feel empty. The depths feel free. I dip my feet into uncertainty and bask in the idea that nothing is more certain than you. Fold my solitude up, hide it in your back pocket. Here now maybe tomorrow and all the days thereafter and before and maybe yesterday or today and basically always, that's how long I'll last should you let us. Will we let us. Let us go forth in the name of twenty promises in a homemade bag. It stretches itself out against the car window shouting your name until its throat runs raw. I've never begged for anything other than the time you keep. Your hand on my left knee while green signs shout your name in white. Over and over and over. Let me hide in the hollows of your shoulders. Let me hide. Let me hide. Form my hideaway.

Reality
       Becomes it
Sooner
In a rush of sudden in a    heart-skip-inhalation
It lacks the grace you've graced me so gracefully with.
I'll say graciously.
It comes thundering in
Slamming doors
                                       Shut
Slamming hearts
Thundering in, and then it forgets why it came in the first place
              Why the **** did it come in the first place
Just to rush on home
            Where time lies naked   enfolded
In my aching

I can't bear it
       The thought of it
I can't bear it
The suddeness, the sadness
Your strength refuses to man the lighthouse
I can't bear it
Your face.
It's everything.
You.
You're everything.            Everything.
Everything.

And I'll whisper this
Quieter than all the silences between us
            That I regret
I'd cry to you a million cloudbreaks
If it flooded out those
            Don't let me be
Pleading, not now, when I lie
         Claim I want it most
I want nothing more than
Everything
To hear these sad songs form the
Background
Of something else
Something small like
       My heart
My heart in your hands
Hold on for dear life
Forever
No, now. Now more than ever.

Happiness is a strange tale
It paints itself in blue
Bluer than your eyes in the half-light and my heart when you whisper,
Wait I'm lying,
Bluer than my heart in your tears
    or my mind when you say
Nothing
Something

And it heaps up inside me
Piles of piles in piles on piles
Pilling up
The dread I so
Time again
Feverishly denied

I'm ******* afraid
            Of this
And 54 days from now
Then two days from one year
I can't see myself able to
             Cope
I'm madly in love
I'm ******* afraid

I need you more than this
I love you more than
This