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the slow smoke gloats and motes of atoms matter
dappled in the dingy blue of wintry twilight, frozen swollen
with white ash sunlight and long shadows, noodling in the canopies
of our vast wilderness. in the back room.

my rocking chair grinds an arc on a single point beneath me.
i teeter on the minuscule reminiscence, much -  
as a wave teeters
on the moon's
whim.

i rejoice.

and deny.

i long for gone remedies, while pondering
what plagues my faith -
in the Mist...
what troubles the blight elan
of my ignorance.

and
at the door, i find you sleeping
on god's dime.

and i dream with
you.
Mystery of love
A dream we set from above
Landing on the moon
Again I find myself sitting in this lonely room,
listening to the empty echo of my own thoughts.

Day after day the same routine:
Get up.
Conceal yourself.
Go to bed.
Repeat.

This machine is fully functional,
yet lacks a definite purpose for existing.
It only takes up space.

This loneliness I can bear no longer.

I run to get the nearest blade.
It is rusty and old.
As broken as my own dreams.
I hold it shakingly between my fingers.
I draw a crooked line upon my wrist.
Before I know it, ink is gushing out of the wound.
It keeps on pouring until it leaves me dry.
It floods pages upon pages with words,
with phrases,
with verses.

These same pages remind me of wounds long healed.
Of the struggles I've been through to end up where I am now.

The pages tell a unique story.

My story.
I wake up in the middle of the night to annoying cries. I haven't known what sleep is for nearly a year. All I get is complaints no matter what I try to do. Nothing goes right, and now I can't find my shoes. I am walking around in a sleep deprived fog, dazed and confused. The milk is to hot and the potatoes are too cold. I didn't move fast enough to catch the spill, now breakfast is all over the floor. The watch only changes once in a while, when the grand parents come to call. They stay and play silly games until it is time to go to the bingo hall. I haven't had intimate attention since before the end of the Cold War, I don't even bother folding clean clothes, I just throw them in a pile on the floor. I toss and turn all day and night, afraid to sleep to deep. Not knowing when I might be needed when something disturbs our babies sleep. Why did I say yes to this, only heaven knows, oh wait I remember I had 3 cocktails and we were both out of our clothes. As I suffer a mental break down I ponder what we have done, then as the morning breaks the child finally sleeps with the rising of the Sun. I want to pass into a coma, but there is too much to do. Things must be washed and cleaned so at sunset we can start this a new. As I turn to leave the babies room, I see a little angle at rest and I pray to heaven for the strength to change one more runny diaper and to make me glad I said yes.
The poem is written from a neutral perspective. I did this to emphasize the aspects of a man or woman's dilemma when dealing with a new born child.
This was where they danced before
Happily spinning across the floor
The time had sped by just so fast
And neither cared as it flew past

But now that's just a moment gone
The time of play just like the dawn
They'll work away till night draws close
Then dance away till last repose
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