sometimes i feel you view me as less
    that you’ll ******* away
     that i go away when the sun comes up
      you treat me like a lesser copy of you

but i don’t want to be you.

when you took your life, it was your last thoughts
what will your friends say, how will they act
will the jokes go on or will the petty drama cease.
do you cause a rift in their friendship or do they grow closer because of you.
you’re grandma cries out your name, you’ve never seen her cry
is this how she reacts? Is this what she says
your younger sister, lost, alone, you left her.
she feels sick. she has no best friend.
what does she say but I don’t want to live if you don’t.
How does she react?
Do the teachers at your school care? Do they miss you. What do they say, how do they react. When you’re there one day and gone the next.
How do your cousins who are to young to understand death miss you? Do they remember you? Will they remember you?
How does your mom live with the guilt that she feels it’s on her, she cries out for help.
Is this how you want her to feel? Is that what you want her to say?

When you’re gone they can’t hear you calling out to then telling them you’re ok.
When you left the world you weren’t ok.
When you asked you’re self how would they react, you reminded yourself this was a mistake.

there comes a time where
everyone moves on
two steps; one
one step,
three.
but i suddenly am starting to think.
i need to move on
and take 18;